I dubbed this trip The Decision Trip because I want to be extremely conscious of the decisions I make. The universe is giving me a lot of grist for the mill! I’ve faced a few disappointments that have tested my attitude. First, my GPS decided to take me on a wild goose hunt on Monday. It took me hours off the route I should have taken. When I finally arrived at my hotel, it was in the worst part of town. I had to decide to stay or find another venue. I stayed. As I got ready to settle in for the night, excited about my fossiling adventure the next day, I received an email stating that it had been canceled. I had to decide how that would impact my travels, and I had to deal with my feelings.
I decided to go straight to the Grand Canyon from Bakersfield. I was eager to sleep out under the stars at the campground. When I arrived, all the campgrounds were full! Another disappointment. I decided to stay in a hotel close by. I’ll drive into the canyon tonight and park and sit under the stars. It won’t be the same, but it will have to do.
Now, I am deciding which route to take for the rest of the journey to Georgia. I am longing to go through Colorado but I think it’s best I continue south through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, etc. I’ll post an update tomorrow so anyone on my path can let me know if they’d like to connect.
As I’ve been driving, I’d had a few times of being flooded with emotions. On three occasions I’ve teared up. I was awash in old memories of good times in my life! I remembered the feeling I had when I moved my four children to Basalt, Colorado 17 years ago. (Can it really be that long ago?) We lived there for three years, and they were, by far, hands down, the BEST years of my life! Being alone in a car for ten hours gives one time to sort through a lot of thoughts and feelings!
There’s much I want to share with you, but I am exhausted from 10 hours of driving today. I’m writing notes in a journal and I promise I will share with you once I am off the road and I have the time and energy.I hope that my journey gives you encouragement. When I was tapering, and then after my cold turkey, I was incredibly sick. It took me time, but here I am on my second road trip! We do heal, I assure you.
I’ll post more when I can. I love you all, more than you know.
You are my hero!!
Sometimes things just don’t go the way we planned but you are persevering and such a strong
Brave woman!
OMG, how did you cope with so many anxiety provoking situations? Just reading about them almost did ME in!!!
Believing in you & this journey with its, perhaps sometimes, unexpected gifts! I can’t wait to hear what they are & how they reveal themselves. Knowing you have the capacity to be open to receive them. What a blessing 💜
Wow Jenn talk about trials and tribulations, what a journey so far and you have not been gone long! What a shame your Dig was cancelled, you were so looking forward to it. I can imagine being alone in the car for 10 hours would give you a lot of time to think, and take a walk down memory lane be it good or bad. I do hope you are enjoying yourself and that the sun shines for you. The photo is stunning, how clever was God when he made the earth, no words can describe it. I do hope that this trip is everything your heart desires, and that the decisions you make end in fruition.
On another happy note, I managed to walk two blocks yesterday!
Hugs across the pond
Jackie x
Very interesting how your journey is similar to the benzo recovery experience. You’re navigating through unchartered waters, accepting what you encounter and making the best of it. Can’t wait for the next chapter and what it reveals! Thank you so much and God bless.
Love that analogy, Janice. Maybe our travel through Benzo recovery is like a condensed metaphor for life. I am continually moving from false comforts that just aren’t working anymore. What I’m left with is WHAT IS – in this moment & a redefining of how & where I seek refuge. It’s like the old ill conceived solidity is no longer solid. It reminds me of Pema Chodron’s book “When Things Fall Apart” which portrays the gift of taking off the blinding layer of who we thought we were, what we can no longer hide behind & embracing our true beauty & potential. Have a blessed day 🌼
Beautifully articulated Kathy! Love the “condensed metaphor for life” description! Blessings your way too!
Jennifer you are a brave soul to journey a long distance solo. Enjoy each moment as they unfold with no expectations… there are wonders to be found in the unknown 🙂 We are with you in each moment.
Love & Blessings, Jerry
Thank you! Your kind words mean a lot. I am allowing each moment to unfold. Trying my best not to judge and to accept and be grateful for everything, even the disappointments. I’m learning I can rely on my intuition and whatever spark God has put inside of me.
That’s a very good analogy. As the hours were ticking by, and I was traveling on a rough patch of road, I thought how it was like benzo withdrawal. I had no choice but to slow down and get past the treacherous areas. (Arizona really needs some road repair!) I also thought how I was stuck in the car, and that there was nothing I could do but to keep going forward. Life really is a journey. And it is what we make of it. Sometimes, I wonder why were are here. Then I realize that we are here just to enjoy. As I sat outside in the cool of the night, under billions of stars, I felt that old familiar connection with eternity. My heart was so full of gratitude that it ached. I watched shooting stars burning themselves out across the sky. I listened to the wind kissing the earth. I knew that creation is here for us to enjoy. How else can God experience His wonderful handiwork? We reflect back to God all that He has made. At the end of your benzo recovery journey, you will know exquisite joy. You’ll feel connected to everything in a new way. And, you’re heart will feel like mine; so full that it aches.
I am so glad to hear that you were able to walk some! Keep it up. It will continue to get better. In time. Patience, acceptance, and distraction!
I’ve learned to breathe through things. Nothing much disturbs me as it did pre-benzos. Surviving withdrawal has taught me how to cope with my emotions and how to do my best to see things in a positive light. It isn’t always my first reaction, but I keep going until I can get there. 🙂
Thank you! I hope my journey inspires everyone to hold on and to keep healing! We do recover. Life becomes very sweet again, in time.