One of the questions I am often asked by people seeking information about benzo withdrawal is, “How do the thoughts about the things we fear go away?” I used to wonder that myself. I had obsessive thoughts about death and dying in benzo withdrawal that lasted from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. Even then, I had nightmares about dying. My thoughts sent ice-cold terror through me. Sometimes, I’d shake for hours I was so frightened. I couldn’t understand how thoughts that powerful were going to fizzle out and not have any emotional impact. But that’s exactly what happened. And that is what happens for the vast majority of us who recover from benzo withdrawal. The crazy, intrusive, fearful thoughts, fade away. We get control of our thoughts and our emotions. If by chance a strange or fearful thought does manage to creep into our consciousness, we simply brush it away.

Today I explained the process to a friend of mine. “Think of GABA receptors as controlling the drawbridge to your fear region of your brain. With enough working GABA receptors, the drawbridge is up. No crazy, scary, oddball thoughts are going to cross and enter the kingdom. But in benzo withdrawal, with so many GABA receptors damaged, the drawbridge is down. Every thug of a thought crosses over and plunders the kingdom. And there isn’t much you can do about it except watch and accept. But, as your receptors heal, your drawbridge slowly goes back up. Only a handful of the hardiest fearful thoughts can jump up high enough to swing themselves onto the rising bridge and get across and into the kingdom. But eventually, the bridge is up all the way, the kingdom is secure even from those thoughts.

Sure, once in a while, after you feel healed, a rogue thought will bravely swim the moat and make it into the kingdom. But by that time, you’ll be so thrilled to be back in charge and leading a normal life, that you’ll pay it no attention. It won’t disturb you in the slightest little bit. (You’ve survived benzo withdrawal! Not much will bother you.)

If you are plagued with intrusive, scary, crazy, horrible thoughts, know that they won’t last forever. Your drawbridge is down right now, that’s all. But as your brain recovers, it will rise back up. You’ll be in charge of the type of thoughts you want to entertain and no longer will fear be attached to your thoughts. You won’t be tortured by intrusive thoughts forever, just like you won’t suffer from all the other benzo withdrawal symptoms forever, either. We do recover. In time.

I’d like to add to this post that I am creating a private group for anyone who wants to incorporate their spirituality in their healing. Healing With Love will be a members only group and will also include a forum where members can interact with each other. Healing With Love is a spiritual place, not a religious place. It is open to all who believe in God as they understand God, their Higher Power, etc. It is not the place to debate religion, but rather to strengthen your own faith in what you believe in order to help you heal. If you’d like more information, please feel free to contact me with any questions. I am hoping to start the group July 2 if there is enough of a demand. The cost will be 39$ a month. You’ll receive Monday through Friday videos, a weekly webinar/meet up, posts just for members, and the ability to share with others and myself in the forum.

It’s been a hard week. The news of Kate Spade’s and Anthony Bourdain’s deaths have triggered many in the benzo community. When we read accounts that both of these celebrities were possibly taking a benzodiazepine, our feelings range from fear and panic to anger and outrage. Fear that we may end up like them, and outrage that we are suffering from benzo withdrawal (and possibly Kate and Anthony were as well) at the hands of the medical community we trusted  It’s a lot of emotions to cope with. Let’s all take a slow deep breath and a long exhale and create a more healthy narrative to tell ourselves so that we don’t stay in a heightened state of arousal. After all, with damaged GABA receptors, we need to avoid stress, and the news reports have been incredibly stress-provoking.

First, you are not either Kate or Anthony. Your recovery is your recovery. It will unfold as unique as you are. You are not doomed to have an unhappy ending to your healing journey. Quite the opposite. You are healing and headed toward a much healthier and happier life once your GABA receptors heal. No matter how many symptoms you have today, or how deep your suffering, you are going to get better. You are going to be able to rejoin life and do all the things you are missing out on today. You will go on to forget about this season of suffering in your life; you will be so thrilled to be out and enjoying your life again! If your benzo brain is trying to convince that you are not going to make it, just observe those thoughts, don’t’ get hooked by them. Don’t give them any energy. Rise above them. Know that they are just thoughts and they are not predictors of the future. They are simply thoughts. Tell yourself something positive and then get your hands busy with something. Our minds will often follow our hands and become engrossed in our activity. Remember, the thought that your recovery will never end, or end badly, is a lie. It is not the truth.

Second, it’s not clear if either Kate or Anthony were aware that their medications could have been making them feel worse. If they were taking a benzo as we presume (one article stated that Kate was on anti-anxiety medication and another reported that Anthony listed Valium as one of the things he wouldn’t travel without), we don’t know if they were educated about tolerance withdrawal. If they were in tolerance withdrawal and uneducated about benzos, they would most likely have presumed that their anxiety or depression (or worsening of such states) was organic, that this was just the way they were. You can imagine how distraught that would have made them feel. But you know better; you are aware that your uncomfortable emotional, physical, and cognitive symptoms are caused by withdrawal from your benzodiazepine—whether that is tolerance withdrawal, inter-dose withdrawal, tapering withdrawal, or cessation withdrawal. You know that your GABA receptors have been down-regulated from the benzo. You know that the bizarre symptoms you are experiencing are not you, they are from the drug, and that they will go away, in time.

Third, your first and foremost job right now is to heal. That means that everything comes second to your recovery. Which means, among other things, that you avoid stress. It’s okay to take a break from the news on television, in the papers, or on social media. It’s okay to not post anything about benzos on your social media accounts in response to the news about Kate and Anthony. You don’t have to save anyone right now. There will be time, when you are more recovered, to post about withdrawal and to become an activist on some level if you so desire. But for now, remind yourself that you don’t have to read, watch, or post anything if it upsets you. There will be plenty of time to share your experience, strength, and hope with others down the road. So don’t feel guilty if you are avoiding news stories or avoiding sharing on social media. Your main job is to heal. Period.

It is sad that the world has lost these two incredibly talented souls, that’s true. But we can do our best to cope with our big emotions and to do our best to quiet our central nervous system. We can be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves, making sure that our internal dialogue is as positive as possible. And when it is not, we simply overlook the negative thoughts, distract, and do our best to replace the scary story with positive words and a positive plot. You are going to heal. Your nervous system is designed to recover. If you scraped your knee, you wouldn’t worry about it healing. Don’t worry about your nervous system healing. It knows what to do! We just need to get out of its way and to give it the time it needs.

If you are struggling with the news about Kate or Anthony or struggling with any aspect of benzo withdrawal, please reach out to someone who will listen, care, and support you. Don’t suffer in silence for that is a breeding ground for negativity that is very unhealthy. If you are experiencing suicide ideation (often a withdrawal symptom), please let someone know. Have a plan of action should you feel you will act on those thoughts. It may be embarrassing to tell someone just how bad you are feeling, but please speak up. This is not the time to be stoic. We all need support in benzo withdrawal. A lot of support. Don’t be shy about asking for what you need. If someone can’t give it to you, ask someone else.Keep asking until you get what you need.

I’m here if anyone needs to share their feelings, but please know that I am not trained in suicide prevention, so if you are suicidal, seek appropriate help. The national suicide hotline is:

Benzo withdrawal knows no boundaries; it affects people from all walks of life and every corner of the globe. In talking to people from around the world, I hear the list of common symptoms and the questions we all ask. The most common questions people ask me are:

Is this a benzo withdrawal symptom? Withdrawal symptoms can be so bizarre, that it is hard to explain how they feel, or what our experience of them is like. I remember trying to explain to my family how I felt and the best I could do, to sum up my day-to-day living was to say that I felt like I was having a stroke while on acid while standing in front of a firing squad. My body and mind did some wild and crazy things in withdrawal, all of them very unpleasant and frightening. It’s good to check in with others in withdrawal, or to do a google search, to find out if what you are experiencing is common in withdrawal. And it is always a good idea to see a doctor to rule out any other cause, or to set your mind at east. Most withdrawal symptoms aren’t dangerous, but they sure are scary at times, not to mention painful and annoying. If you aren’t sure that what you are experiencing is a benzo withdrawal symptom, by all means, ask!

When will it end? I wish I knew the answer. Everyone’s recovery is unique. So many variables go into the mix, it’s hard to predict when we will be healed. I’ve talked to people who suffered horribly their first year off and went on to heal in their second year. I’ve talked to people who weren’t that damaged after stepping off, but they took years to feel better. Our DNA makeup plays a role in our healing as does our psychological makeup. What we eat or drink and how much stress we have in our lives, etc., play a role as well. All we know for sure is that we do eventually heal. We do get out lives back. (During benzo withdrawal, we need frequent reassurance that we will get better. We may ask a loved one over and over in the course of a day to tell us that we will get well. This is quite normal. Once we start to feel better, our neediness fades away.)

What medication can I take to help? There aren’t many things that make benzo withdrawal better. Most of the medicines that doctors prescribe to help take the edge off of our symptoms can make us feel worse, or, they have their own withdrawal syndrome we will have to face down the road. However, some people have reported that they don’t think they would have survived withdrawal without the help of the medications that they took. Only you can weigh all the factors and decide if you want to try another drug to help. I tried a few antidepressants and even two antipsychotics. All of them made me worse. Nothing took the edge off of my suffering except the passing of time, eating well, resting, avoiding stress and doing my best to hold onto a positive mental attitude.

What should I avoid in benzo withdrawal? Anything that works on GABA (alcohol, kava kava, valerian, phenibut, kavinace, z drugs, etc.) should be avoided. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, and mood stabilizers have been known to make us worse as well. (Although some people say that they have helped take the edge off.) Sugar, caffeine, food additives, colorings, and preservatives, strenuous exercise, extreme heat, stressful situations, vibrations, and certain vitamins and supplements can make us feel worse. Avoid the things that rev up your symptoms. Make sure you get adequate rest. Eat healthily. (One ingredient, fresh, whole foods are best.) Avoid overstimulation from television, social media, movies, video games, and the like. Also, avoid drama and people that drain your energy. Put your health as the number one priority in your life.

How do I get my family and friends to understand what I am going through? You probably can’t. They will never know exactly what you’re going through. How could they? But they can understand that you are suffering, need support and that you will eventually get well. I stopped trying to make my loved ones understand my reality and instead focused on letting them know how they could help me. They were relieved when I explained to them in straightforward terms what would best help me. They wanted to help, and having guidelines and suggestions made it so much easier for everyone, including myself.

Will I ever feel like my old self again? Of course! You’ll get your old self back, plus, you’ll most likely feel like you are a new and improved version. Many of us think that the time we spent in withdrawal was a time of great purification and polishing. When I felt mostly recovered, I felt as if I had become the person I had always wanted to be. There is light at the end of the benzo withdrawal tunnel, and it is shining bright. You’ll get there. One day at a time.

Why doesn’t the medical community understand the dangers of benzos? I wish with my whole heart that I knew the answer to that question. It is hard to fathom why the medical community doesn’t know more about benzos and the damage that they may cause. So much information about benzos is readily available on the Internet that we find it hard to believe that doctors haven’t been exposed to it. We all know the dangers of opiates. Perhaps, soon, word of the benzo crisis will make mainstream media and be taken seriously.

What questions do you have about withdrawal? Feel free to post them. Remember, benzo withdrawal is a temporary condition. We do recover, in time. It is normal to have fears and doubts about our recovery or to have times of despair. But don’t let the negative thoughts win out. Know that you are healing.