The holiday season is synonymous with joy, gatherings, and festivities. However, for someone going through benzodiazepine withdrawal, it can be a time filled with added stress, anxiety, and physical and emotional discomfort. Understanding and empathy from friends and family can make a world of difference. Here’s what we wish friends and family knew about benzo withdrawal and the holidays.
1. The Invisible Struggle
Benzodiazepines are prescribed for anxiety, insomnia, and other conditions, but even when taken as prescribed, they can cause serious problems. The brain adjusts to the medication through a process called neuroadaptation. This means that fewer calming receptors are working in the brain, which in turn implies anxiety, insomnia, and hundreds of other possible symptoms. Yes, benzodiazepines can cause the very thing for which they were prescribed! These symptoms are indicative of benzodiazepine withdrawal, and we can go into withdrawals in-between doses (interdose withdrawal) or on a steady amount of the drug (tolerance withdrawal), when tapering off, and even once we are off the medication until the neuroadaptation has corrected itself. The withdrawal symptoms are not always visible. So, even if your loved one seems “fine” on the outside, they could be grappling with intense benzo withdrawal symptoms. Be compassionate, please.
2. Sensory Overload
The holiday season is filled with bright lights, loud music, and bustling crowds. For someone in benzo withdrawal, this can be overwhelming. Their nervous system is already on high alert due to the neuroadaptation, and such stimuli can exacerbate withdrawal symptoms. Inviting them to quieter, smaller gatherings or creating a calm space at larger events can be a considerate gesture. Understand that they may be unable to join in on the fun at any level and want to stay home alone. Don’t pressure them, and don’t take it personally. They know what they can and cannot handle.
3. Dietary Concerns
With the emphasis on the gut-brain connection and the role of the microbiome in mental health and healing, and certain ingredients and substances known to cause an increase in benzo withdrawal symptoms, food is a big concern. Aunt Sally’s pumpkin pie may have won a blue ribbon at the state fair, but it may cause an uncomfortable reaction for your friend or loved one in benzo withdrawal. Please respect their dietary preferences and understand that they’re not being “picky” – they’re caring for their well-being. Offering plant-based, non-alcoholic, and caffeine-free dishes and beverages is a great support.
4. The Power of Connection
While withdrawal’s physical and mental challenges can be intense, one of the cornerstones of well-being is to “love well.” Offering a listening ear, a comforting presence, or a simple message of support can be invaluable. Remember, the journey of benzo withdrawal can be isolating, so letting them know they’re not alone can provide tremendous relief.
5. The Need for Rest
Fatigue is a common symptom of benzo withdrawal. The holiday season often comes with late nights and packed schedules. Understand if your friend or loved one needs to decline an invitation, step away for a nap, or get away from stimulation. Please encourage them to listen to their body and prioritize rest.
6. Flexibility is Key
Plans may need to change at the last minute due to unexpected flare-ups of symptoms. Be patient and flexible. It’s not that they don’t want to participate or value your or the gathering – their current health situation sometimes demands adaptability. Please don’t take their inability to show up personally.
7. Educate Yourself
The complexities of benzo withdrawal are vast. If you genuinely want to support your loved one, take some time to learn about the withdrawal process, potential symptoms, and the challenges they might be facing. This proactive approach will deepen your empathy and allow you to provide more effective support. You can learn about symptoms here.
8. Avoid Judgment and Advice
While your intentions might be good, avoid offering unasked-for advice, such as “You should….” as this creates defensiveness, which turns on the nervous system’s threat detection circuitry. Without enough calming receptors working because of neuroadaptation, benzo withdrawal symptoms will worsen. A great way to show support is to ask, “What do you need? How can I help?” These two questions go a long way to helping someone in benzo withdrawal. Also, avoid telling someone how you think they are doing. You have no idea how they are feeling.
9. Celebrate Small Victories
Recovery is not linear. There will be tolerable days and challenging days. Celebrate the small victories of healing with your friend or loved one. Your acknowledgment can boost their morale.
10. Remember the Person Beyond the Withdrawal Symptoms
Benzodiazepine withdrawal is just one chapter in a person’s life. Remember to engage with your loved one on topics beyond their health. Talk about shared interests, memories, or future plans. This can provide a welcome distraction and remind them of life’s broader joys.
11. Acknowledge the Emotional Strain
The holidays often bring a mix of emotions; for someone in benzo withdrawal, these emotions can be magnified. Expressions of sadness, grief, or longing for “normalcy” might be more prevalent. Acknowledge these feelings without trying to “fix” them. Comfort and compassion go a long way to soothe someone in benzo withdrawal.
12. Set Realistic Expectations
It’s essential to set realistic expectations. Your friend or loved one might be unable to participate in all traditions or activities. And that’s okay. Focus on quality moments together, even if they’re fewer or different from previous years.
13. Encourage Stress-Relief Activities
Given that “stress less” is one of the cornerstones of well-being, encourage activities that can act as stress-relievers. This could include meditation or a yoga class. Instead of getting together for lunch at a bustling restaurant, go for a gentle walk through a park or sit on a bench, share a cozy cup of tea, and chat. What can you come up with for activities you can do together to reduce stress?
14. Be Wary of Triggers
Certain topics or memories could be particularly triggering during benzo withdrawal. Being mindful to steer conversations away from potential triggers. Religion, politics, and money are triggers for many people, even those not in benzo withdrawal. If you’re uncertain, discreetly ask your loved one or err on the side of caution. If they ask you to change topics during a conversation, do so quickly and don’t make a fuss about it.
15. Create a Safe Space
If you’re hosting a gathering, consider setting aside a quiet room where your loved one can retreat if they need a break. Just knowing there’s a sanctuary available can be comforting and may be the factor that allows them to summon the courage to attend your gathering.
16. Inclusivity in Activities
Engage in activities that everyone can enjoy, even if they’re less traditional. This could mean watching a comforting movie together, playing board games, or doing puzzles.
17. Reaffirm Your Support
Just a simple affirmation that you’re there for them, no matter what, can mean the world. Sometimes, the most profound support isn’t in grand gestures but in consistent, genuine care.
18. Don’t ask, “When Will You Get Well?”
The timeline for healing from benzodiazepine withdrawal differs for everyone. Some heal more quickly than others, while some take years until all of the lingering symptoms disappear. No one can predict their recovery date, and to ask can make someone very uncomfortable. Don’t remind them that they were in benzo withdrawal last holiday season. They remember! Focus on the now and on enjoying each other’s company.
19. Check in Post-Holidays
The post-holiday period can be a letdown for many, even more so for someone in benzo withdrawal. Check in with your loved one after the festivities wind down, offering continued support as they navigate their recovery journey.
20. Lower Your Expectations
If your friend or loved one used to give great gifts, throw fun parties, or cook delicious holiday meals, don’t expect that from them this year. Acknowledge that benzo withdrawal makes it difficult (or impossible) for them to shop, cook, or entertain. Financial insecurity is a concern for many in benzo withdrawal due to their inability to work. You can kindly agree not to exchange gifts this year or agree that they need not purchase one for you.
In conclusion, the holidays can pose unique challenges for someone going through benzo withdrawal. Understanding their struggles, showing empathy, and being supportive can help make the season a little brighter for your loved one. It’s not about eliminating the challenges but about fostering connection, understanding, and love. Your support could be the greatest gift they receive this holiday season.
Love this!
Wow, this is really good. You covered everything so thoroughly. Why am I not surprised?!
Thanks. -Jeff Stoffel
This is great!
You are welcome! I hope it helps people navigate the holidays with less stress.
Good advice! I would add that Covid is still around and many of us have had bad reactions to the vaccine and know that the suggested treatments would make our withdrawal worse. Socialization and sharing a meal inside any building is off our list, particularly when one is elderly. Colder weather in some states prevent meeting outside during this holiday season. Friends don’t understand because they think that we are overreacting! We look fine and are able to do some things. Little do they know, as you point out, how our bodies feel.
Dear Dr. Jenn,
Your support is indeed the greatest gift(s) a Benzo Brain can receive.
Thank you!!
Happy Holidays to a Brilliant and Beautiful Lady
Well made points! Those of us in cold weather states still are dealing with Covid cases and are not running to socialize in homes with other people! Some of us have had trouble with vaccines and know that the meds given if one gets the virus can make withdrawal more painful. If you are in the elderly category, you are even more skittish of gatherings. The warm weather allowed us to see people outside. Not an option during this holiday season. People tend to think that we are overreacting. Hard to explain how are body feels.
Ty! All the best to you!! ❤️
Excellent advice!
Thank you so much for this!! Do you also have a list for family and friends that’s not just for the holidays. For example, I have been unable to attend weddings, baby showers, funerals, birthdays, holidays, etc. I have lost a lot of friends and family as a result.
I’ve blogged in the past about what we wish friends and family knew about benzo withdrawal and I’ve done a few videos. But I’m happy to write another post. I’ll work on it soon. Thanks for the suggestion. Many of us have had friends and family pull away. Hoepfully, they return when we are more recovered, but I know how upsetting it is.