After my cold turkey, I often felt like an ice cream cone in July. I was melting away. I’d step on the scale and watch the numbers grow smaller and smaller. 118. 115. 110. 105. 100. 99. 95. My pants hung slack where I once sported a very “curvalicious” booty. My face was gaunt, my cheeks hollow. I looked as if I had aged a decade or more practically overnight. I couldn’t bear to eat. I had no appetite. When I did feel hungry, I hardly had the strength to walk into the kitchen. Cooking a healthy meal was out of the question; I couldn’t stand up long enough to scramble eggs! And there was the issue of benzo withdrawal induced paranoia and fear—I got hit with a strange fear of food being poisoned. (That’s another post, coming soon!) Suffice it to say, eating was a challenge for me!
Many of us lose weight in withdrawal. Even if we are lucky enough to maintain an appetite and have the energy to prepare food (or lucky enough that someone cooks for us!) we may still lose weight. Watching ourselves dwindle down to nothing can be frightening. Our minds tell us scary stories. We think we are dying from cancer or some other horrible disease. We worry about what to do to stop the weight loss. I ate a lot of nuts and seeds to pack on more pounds. What I didn’t do was eat junk. I avoided anything with gluten. I trusted that one day, the scale would begin to register in the other direction. I was right. In time, it began to march back up. 100. 110. 115. 118. 124. 130. 135. Now I had the opposite problem. I had overshot my normal weight!
I wasn’t trying to gain too much weight. It just happened. Perhaps my days of being couch bound didn’t help. I went from being a very active person before withdrawal to being bed bound or couch bound. When I could get up and about, I was too weak or dizzy to be very active. And so I packed on the pounds. I’m five and a half years off the drug and I’m still battling a few extra pounds. I’ve heard from other people that they are having a hard time losing their extra weight that they gained in withdrawal, too.
Some people don’t lose weight initially. Some people gain weight eating to stave off the severe hunger pains that we are prone to in withdrawal. Those pains are not normal hunger twinges, but rather they are a painful gnawing inside our gut. We can eat a full healthy meal and feel ravenous in an hour or so. Some people feel that they have blood sugar fluctuations and they need to eat protein on a regular basis in order to feel better. No matter what prompts your eating, the pounds pack on.
Whether the numbers on your scale are headed up or down, know that weight loss and weight gain are very common in benzo withdrawal. Eat as healthy as you can, and do your best not to worry about your weight. Of course, if you lose so much weight that it becomes a medical problem, please seek help. Like most everything else in benzo withdrawal, your weight will stabilize and you will get on with your life. Benzo withdrawal won’t last forever! If these few extra pounds I now carry stick around forever, well, it’s not the end of the world. I’m just so happy to be out of the clutches of benzo withdrawal!
I have had weight problems on the benzos and off now. I was on them 18 years and became morbidly obese. I lost 100 pounds on the medifast diet right before I reached tolerance. Needless to say I am at 275 now and miserable. I have been off 13 months thankfully. I do not eat sugar and am eating mostly ketogenic to try to get healthy with intermittent fasting. This medicine has damaged so much of me but I refuse to give up. Waiting for the day I am fully healed and functioning. Thanks for your encouragement!
Jennifer, your posts are the most helpful and supportive of any I read, God bless you! My diet hasn’t changed but I’ve gained weight and I was perplexed because all I’ve ever read was people lost weight. Now I feel a bit better about the situation. I gave it some thought and I have been more hungry and snacking on healthy things which are still more calories. All my life I have always run to food during stress and anxiety and I think that perhaps that may be part of the issue.
Thank you Jennifer and all those here who are withdrawing you are in my prayers. Dan
Jennifer, your post reminded of a visit to my integrative MD in 2014. I had a myriad of symptoms, including alarming weight loss. None in the office made the benzodiazepine connection, including the near-celebrity nutritionist who implied, “eating disorder”. Fortunately, I stumbled across Whitaker’s “Anatomy” in late 2015 and promptly started my taper off lorazepam. Looking forward to your soon-to-be published Benzo Taper Survival Guide!
I too was suffering from weight loss due to benzo w/d, but I was not trying to taper down. It was because my dose was too low and my psych doc didn’t want to prescribe me more. So after finding a new doc, I increased my dose and the w/d symptoms started to subside. And now I’m working on tapering. There is no need to suffer horribly, if you are, you may need to up your dose temporarily to achieve a steady state and then start tapering again. I suffered for months unnecessarily because of medical incompetence. This is a very SLOW process and the time it takes to be fully free from benzos can take years.
Hi Jenn
I was exactly the same as you after my cold turkey. Skinny as a pole!
In the hospital they asked if I was anorexic. Now, 7 years later it’s hard to keep the stomach fat down. I gave up gluten years ago, but have also stopped most grains in favour of more vegetables, beans etc.
As I have commented before, I am experiencing a wave after five years of relative wellness. It’s so hard to find somebody who has gone on as long as I have. I would love to hear from someone who went on to full recovery after 7 years or so. It’s a little scary experiencing this wave and a good example of how we don’t recover in a linear fashion.
I am on holiday skiing with my husband, but I have to take lots of time out, while my husband can ski all day every day. However,
I am counting my blessings that I can ski for several hours and when I can’t, I can walk round a beautiful mountain village and feel happy to be alive.
I’m so glad that you are feeling well Jenn. Thank you so much for your blog, it’s very reassuring to be able to read about your experiences as my benzo experience has been very similar to yours
At what point will the weight come back? When did it for you ? I’m a year out and haven’t gained any of the 34 lbs I lost. It’s scary
For me , the weight came back gradually after the first 8 months off. I would encourage anyone coming off a drug like the benzo’ s to get their electrolytes checked if you have weight loss problems and especially if you have vomited. I ended up in hospital after a horrible cold turkey and my electrolytes were seriously low.
I, too, lost a lot of weight when I c/t my small dose of Valium. It was frightening to watch myself wither on the scale. In retrospect, I think because of the adrenaline pumping, and the rapid heartbeat, I was burning calories all the time, no matter what I ate. After a year, however, the weight came back to normal, and I take that as a very good sign. I’m at my proper weight, and eat fairly healthy. (I’ve seen people post on sites about their food intake, and in my opinion, diets can become obsessive. I’m all about moderation. And exercise when you can.) Am I symptom-free? Not yet – anxiety and head pressure continue to be uninvited guests – but they do lessen over time. Every time I thought I’d be “stuck,” time passed and I felt better. That’s what I’m counting on to get me to the finish line.
Dave thanks for the reassurance iv had from reading these posts. I suffer terribly from weight loss when starting to run out of tablets. My dose isn’t high enough and I regularly run out of tablets and so I spend a week getting better when I get them and then a week of worry and stress losing weight when iv run out. I wish they would up my dose so i can get by comfortably but benzos are a hot topic and I’m lucky I even get them so I don’t want to rock the boat trying to get them upped and possibly lose them coz that would just be bad all round. It’s just good to know I’m not alone with the weight loss
Hi,
It was all going well till 20th January when my doctor asked me to stop Librax (Chloproxide) because my LFT was bit high, I was on librax for year and half almost and taking one tablet of 5mg every day, I even did not know the tablet I was taking is a benzo and what could happened if I do cold Turky , I followed the instructions of my doctor and stop taking it along with a antidepressant tablet, the day I let the librax I do not know what is all happening with me, Burning under my right rib cage some time just below rib cage, very few times on left side as well, back pain which is mostly under my right blade, very bad taste in mouth few times specially when eat nuts and fruits and even some vegetables, sweating,depression, and most terrifying symptom is weight loss, I lost about 28 lbs in three month I weigh my self every day and keep on getting frightened I was not loosing weight before I left taking librax, they did endoscopy results came back normal appearently, but they took biopsy and said results will b back in 8 weeks and they said biopsy is taken only in view of weight loss but they was not any thing wrong appearently, my LFT came back normal as well, antibodies, Hep A.B,C normal, Full blood count normal,Genetic liver disease normal, only non alcoholics fatty liver I got which showed in scan, I have no idea why I m loosing so much weight I was 77 kg before I started cold Turky on 20th jan 2017 and today I m 64.40 kg In less then three months, any idea please what is happening to me I am so much worried extremely worried infact
I have been cut back from Xanax 8mg per day for 7 years to 3mg per day and also cut out my pain Meds, now I’m gaining weight and have never had a weight problem. The doctors and DEA/FDA/CDC ALPHABET governing MD,S are ruining my life. Turned it upside down for no reason. I was more energy, working very laborious job while on my Meds, now in benzo withdrawal and opiate, well I honestly couldn’t go without, so I went to the streets, you can figure out where that lead. Now they want me in detox and all I want is to retox so I can feel normal without the pain and anxiety attacks. The world is so micromanaged by these beourocrats spelling? That I’m sure have their medicine cabinets stocked well, telling our doctors how to do their job.
Hi I’m still having trouble with my benzo problem and weight loss is the most worrying part of it!! I mean it’s really bad, I literally feel like I’m losing weight as the hours pass by!! Iv always been a skinny guy but this is ridiculous!! I’m really very scared about it to be honest and that just makes it worse through the stress of worrying and I loose more weight. Like I said before as my dose is too low I regularly run out of tablets and so start loosing weight very rapidly. I must have lost at least half a stone in the first 3/4 days! I know and understand why and try to work round it the best I can but when it comes to seeing other people I feel so embarrassed and anxious and I know they are thinking what is wrong with me ? I feel I’m being looked at and judged by people I pass in the street and so now I don’t even want to be seen and so don’t go out. I really don’t know what to do? I’m in emotional turmoil and always depressed Coz of it. I have no support system or people around me except for a couple family members I see only on special occasions so I’m a always alone and really feel it.
Dave, I hope that you can find a doctor who can help you. It’s important to find out how to best take care of yourself. Many of us lost weight in wd, and I know it’s scary, but it sounds as if you could use the help of a doctor. I am sorry that you feel so alone. Many of us struggled through wd without much emotional support from friends or family. It makes it harder, but it can be done. I encourage you to reach out to others and to do your best to build community for yourself, even if online.
I took the liberty of editing your last few sentences. I understand how sad you are, but the wording was extremely triggering for others in withdrawal. My editing is in no way meant to belittle you or to not respect the amount of suffering you are experiencing. I just want to protect all readers here.
Have you posted anything on BenzoBuddies.org? That might be a place to get some emotional support from others who are going through the same thing. Please take good care of yourself. If you do have thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to people who can help you. It’s important to stay safe while you are healing.
Sorry for my initial status I didn’t mean to put anyone at harm I’m just struggling and feel so alone
I was able to get my doctor to meet me halfway and let me have 4mg per day alprazolam, that has helped my severe anxiety attacks, I can breath again & not fly off the handle when something goes wrong in every day life. Still can’t loose the weight. I’ve never been much over 120lbs now I’m almost 130 5’5″tall. I hardly eat, but have a sweet tooth I never had before. Surely a few tootsi pops can’t cause me to get a fat gut! Maybe being over 50 could be it, it drive me crazy, I’m in so much pain, they just cut me off my hydrocodon 10’s 120 per month 4 8 or 9 years, to painful to work like I was, but Dave there is no coming back, PLEASE don’t do anything you can’t fix, burning in hell is not the answer, I don’t know your faith but Jesus in my life when I ask him he’ll wrap me up though I have not committed to abstinence and never will, that’s why I can’t change 47 years of using ruined my brain, so without benzo & opiates my life is hollow, can’t feel, catatonic. It is a life though not perfect who does have a perfect life. You dig into anybody’s life you will find an addiction to something, somewhere legal or not!
Dave, I hope you can find family or friends who can help you. I wish there was more that we could do for you here, but we are limited. With my whole heart, I hope that you feel better soon.