One of the most underrated pleasures in life is a good bowel movement. (Did I really say that out loud for everyone to hear?) Come on, you know I’m right, even if you blushing or saying “Gross!” under your breath. Like most good things in life, that simple pleasure doesn’t exist in withdrawal for many of us. We struggle with GI issues and elimination problems. Since so many of us struggle with these issues, let’s take a look at them as honestly as we can without shame or embarrassment.
Constipation. I don’t even like the sound of the word, let alone what it feels like when I suffer with it. For many in withdrawal, we either don’t feel the urge to empty our bowels or we are plugged up, and nothing happens. For quite some time, I never had a normal urge to use the bathroom. I could go days without eliminating. I was so focused on the laundry list of symptoms I had, that I would forget when I last had gone to the bathroom. Eventually, I’d start to feel awful, and I’d have to give myself an enema. I also relied on glycerin suppositories. (They were far less emotionally challenging than an enema.) I hated buying the suppositories, though. I would always be embarrassed when the checker at Walgreens picked up the jar and looked at me. One time, I was at a new drug store and clearly unsure of where things were in the store. A young clerk asked me if he could help me. I stammered that I was looking for glycerine suppositories. He asked what they were, and I could barely get my voice above a whisper, “A laxative.” I could feel my cheeks glowing red. He then proceeded to shout to another clerk across the busy store for their location. The other clerk hollered, “What are they for?” and the clerk next to me hollered back, “Constipation!” I swear I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me right there!
Some of us have the opposite problem—diarrhea. Everything we eat goes right through us. It can be painful, too. The stomach cramps can bring us to our knees. We may fluctuate between constipation and diarrhea. We may also have strange colored stools: yellow, white, chalky, gray, etc. The shape may change as well: raisin like pellets, grapes, or clusters. Consistency may change as well. If we google changes in bowel habits we may scare ourselves into believing that we have a serious health issue. Even though our symptoms may seem frightening, I’ve not heard of one person actually having anything wrong other than benzo withdrawal.
Gas and bloating are other symptoms we battle in withdrawal. We call the bloating “benzo belly.” I looked pregnant at times. My stomach was so distended! I passed gas dozens of times a day. I remember worrying that I would heal from every other symptom, but not be able to go out in public because I couldn’t stop farting. I can laugh about it now, but in the thick of the fight, I was terribly worried! Of course, the benzo belly went away, and unless I’ve eaten a big bowl of beans, I’m back to normal. You will be too, in time.
Stomach pain, burning, and cramping are benzo withdrawal symptoms, too. I used to feel that there was something gnawing at my insides, the pain was so bad! Sometimes, not long after I’d eaten, I’d feel a ravenous hunger and a pain in my belly as if I hadn’t eaten in days! The insatiable hunger pangs were more than annoying. I was glad when they finally stopped.
We often have bladder issues in withdrawal. I had to have my bladder scoped repeatedly. My doctor couldn’t understand why my bladder looked so inflamed when there were no germs present. After speaking to so many others in withdrawal, I know that I was not the only one with an angry bladder.
We urinate a lot in withdrawal. Excessive urination is usually from stress or anxiety, and we sure qualify for both in benzo withdrawal. Some people have the opposite problem. They don’t feel the urge to urinate. They have to watch the clock and force themselves to go to the bathroom. I’ve not heard of this response to withdrawal very often, but the numbing of body sensations can occur. It does resolve in time, like most everything else in withdrawal.
I’ve had so many people ask me about bathroom issues lately that I thought it best to put aside my squeamishness and talk openly here. Thank you for allowing me to write about a topic most of us would prefer not to talk about and for me to not have to hide behind being polite in mixed company.
You don’t need to leave a comment; I know these are delicate matters. Just know that digestion and elimination symptoms are very common in withdrawal. They can show up during tolerance, while tapering, and once off. Once off, they can show up right away, or many months out. The good news is that eventually, everything goes back to normal.
Although colonoscopies can be lifesaving, they have some side effects that people may not be aware of. One is that they can alter your ability to absorb drugs. After my colonoscopy, I started losing weight, lots of weight. Then I became very anxious which caused me to lose more weight. This led to benzo withdrawal symptoms that were extremely bad. Let your GI doc know if you are on high doses of benzos. After a colonoscopy your gut may not be able to absorb the benzos you need to stay stable and result in horrible withdrawal symptoms. I had to find out the hard way.
Many doctors will not tell you this, but it takes a LOT of benzos to kill you. My point is don’t be afraid to take enough of your medication to make you stable. Your body will tell you if you need more, listen to your “gut”. To effectively withdraw, you need to stabilize first! Many people are in withdrawal without knowing it simply because they are not on a high enough dose. I suffered needlessly because my doctor would not give me enough of my medication to meet my needs. We are all different, 6 mg Ativan may be way too much for one person where 12 mg may be just right for another. The PDR is not always right. Unless your psychiatrist lives with you, which in my case she did, they do not know what you are going through. Document, Document Document.
The only ones offended by this post would be those who are not going through withdrawal. I have recently started experiencing digestive issues and once again, Jennifer, your post’s timing is perfect! I have to also thank Lissa for responding to my reply to an earlier post and helping me to adjust to the digestive issue. It seems the further I get into withdrawal the worst my symptoms get. Oh well, as I told my wife, due to the encouragement here, one day I will be healed. Dan
P.S. The dog pictures with the post are priceless!
I’ve been very fortunate not to have experienced the “benzo belly” or any other GI issues that a lot of people have. I’m 6 months out and hopefully will not be adding this to my list! I have always had problems with constipation most of my life and it had become much worse in withdrawal. I have been using a product called “Calm” that is a magnesium supplement which I get at Whole Foods. I works great if I use it every day. Just wanted to pass this information on in case someone has the same issue. Was wondering, Jennifer, if you take suggestions on what you post. My biggest issue at 6 months out is my extreme fatigue. Some days I’m doing good to fix myself something to eat. Do some symptoms go away sooner than others as a rule and where does fatigue enter into that equation. Also, the intense heart pounding also goes with the fatigue. Thanks so much.
Hahaha! Agree that only someone who is not a benzo survivor would be offended. I love this post, Jenn. I thought it was just me, but I have suffered with constipation a lot, despite drinking truckloads of water every day and trying to move as much as I can. I urinate often as well, but figure it’s the drinking so much water. I worry that my, uh, urine color looks too dar, but I’m not willing to work about it yet. The first 2 weeks after I ‘jumped’, I asked my husband if he could get me a doggy bed to put in the bathroom because I was, literally, all day switching between vomiting or diarrhea. It eased up, but I am serious about having considered it as a real option!
The benzo belly has been the most lasting and vicious of the symptoms. It feels so reminiscent of contractions during pregnancy. I was brought to my knees often. I am unable to speak sometimes or take a normal breath when it hits. The muscle cramping is insane. It has eased up some in intensity and frequency just the past 2 weeks. I think I told you all I was in month 5 post taper, but it is 4 1/2 months. I’m not Math-ing well.
And, I just howled at the incognito doggy photo! Too funny, and we all need a laugh!
Thanks!
Lissa
You’re so welcome, Dan. I forgot to mention that comfy clothing has helped, as well. I’m living in sweat pants right now. My vanity went out the window a long time ago! Also, I should mention that I have what I call my ‘triage night stand’ by my bed. I always have a huge glass of filtered water, Pelligrino water, lotion, and tissues at all times.
Hope your belly feels better, Dan!
And, Kathy, I so get the exhaustion. I have many days that feeding myself is all I can do. Sometimes, I have an onset of crushing fatigue out of nowhere. It’s frustrating. I try to do as much as I can, and when I can’t, I lean into it. I hope this passes soon for us!
Lissa
Hi Lisa, yes the fatigue is crushing. Thank God we can one day look forward to living without it. I can’t imagine having to live with CFS…scary. I went to the grocery yesterday. Felt like I could make it but all of a sudden half way through I was so exhausted I didn’t know how I’d have the strength to drive home. I’m grateful that you and others at least have a spouse to help you get through…you are blessed to have help and support….it gets pretty scary not having another soul in the house. I am praying for you and all the others we get through this without a very long protracted period. Hang in there. God speed.
Glad this was raised and I am not embarrassed to discuss these things, but then I’m British. I have some incontinence issues around my bowels. Not all the time , however I have a little bit that exits (not as far as my pants thankfully), well ok, a couple of times. I am not aware it has happened but its always when I need to go. Never had this before thankfully, I’m guessing it’s muscular. Sorry if this is TMI.
Yes Lissa, I hope it passes soon…I pray that we and all the others do not have a long protracted period. You are blessed that you have a spouse for support and help…wish I did. Yesterday I went to the grocery and half way through I was so exhausted I prayed just to be able to get home. I pray for us all to come out of this better than we started like Jennifer talks about. Hang in there. God bless!
Jennifer, I have had EVERY single issue you have mentioned. My system seems to be running in cycles. A few days of really NORMAL bm’s followed by constipation and gravel like bm’s then the inevitable diarrhea lasting about a day. I noticed this pattern a couple of years ago and it continues like clock work. Doesn’t bother me cuz it always ‘passes’. I am always so happy to have the NORMAL ones that I find myself describing them to my husband who looks at me like I’m crazy. But I don’t think I’ve ever had a normal digestive tract in my life,so I can’t help but be impressed. I think I’ve said too much again. Thanks Jennifer for bringing the subject up! It’s all part of the process.
Kathy, and all, please know that you are in my thoughts. You are correct that I am lucky to have my hubby’s support. Could not have done this without him. I hope you have some friends or family to help you sometimes. I’m thinking about you.
Please check Thursday’s post (January 19th). I am writing it just for you!
For the last month and a half I have had struggles with awful symptoms from gastric digestion issues…I am watching everything that I eat and that hasn’t helped my condition…I also tried Mylanta and other similar soothing OTC products without much success. My doctor prescribe a Med to address this issue and that didn’t work either. I would appreciate if anyone has any non medicated recommendations I should try. Many thanks and God bless!
Peter