Fatigue Is Normal In Benzo Withdrawal.
Most people suffer from fatigue at some point as they are healing. It can be mild or completely debilitating, and it can come and go throughout the day. I’d feel it seeping into every cell of my body and I’d lie down on my couch, unable to do anything other than give in to it. It was so intense at times, that I felt as if my spirit was leaving my body. I’ve never felt anything like it before (even when I had a serious case of mono when I was 40) and I’ve never felt anything like it since. It came with benzo withdrawal and it left as I healed.
We may think that we are tired from adrenal fatigue in withdrawal, and that may be correct, but there is more to the story. Sure, withdrawal can cause our adrenals to overproduce adrenaline and cortisol, but the stress of withdrawal can also cause our mitochondria in our cells (all 37.2 trillion of them!) to overproduce ATP (adenosine triphosphate). ATP is the universal immediate source of energy for all living things. When too much is produced, the ATP leaks out of the cell, leaving very little left for the cell to do the work that is needed. (This process eventually leads to inflammation in the body.) That will register as fatigue in the body.
The Warning Bell.
If fatigue is normal in benzo withdrawal, why do I call it the canary in the coal mine? Because as we heal and begin to do more in our daily lives, it can be a warning to slow down. Looking back, I’m struck by how I missed the signal that I was headed for a setback. Every time I crashed and burned, I had experienced the warning bell of fatigue first. But I didn’t listen. I pushed on through, determined to be strong. I so desperately wanted my life back that I thumbed my nose at my body pleading with me to slow down.
At three years off I decided to teach the neuroscience of creativity at Stanford University. I have no idea why I thought I was really up for that amount of stress other than I ached to prove that I was still smart and capable after feeling so cognitively impaired in withdrawal. The course was only a one-day workshop but it took weeks and weeks of researching, writing, and planning. The night before I was up late in the classroom on campus, getting it ready for a creative experience the students would participate in. It was a lot to do for someone with an incredibly fragile nervous system that was still healing.
Time To “Harden.”
After the workshop, I remember I was exhausted. Did I take it easy and relax? No. I was out in my garden the very next day doing heavy manual labor. Plus, I decided that since I was back into normal life, I’d join a gym and hire a personal trainer. I pushed myself. I pushed myself right into a setback. I didn’t give myself time to “harden.” so to speak. That’s a term taken from gardening. After a seed has germinated indoors and has pushed up its tender new shoot, it is placed outside for a little bit. It has to get used to direct sunlight, wind, rain, etc. before it can be taken out of its container and transplanted into the ground. That’s exactly what we need as we poke our heads up into the world. That’s what our nervous system needs—time to “harden,” to get used to normal life again. And it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process.
Use Caution.
As we ease back into normal life, we may be tempted to eat more junk food, drink alcohol or caffeinated beverages. We may expose ourselves to more stress, or too an increase in exercise, heat (hot tubs, saunas, etc.) or too much vibration (long car or plane rides, lawnmowers, etc.). We are so grateful to feel better that we lose sight of the fact that we are still healing. It’s wise to avoid the things that we know can trigger a wave or a setback. My setback at six years off was due to a combination of vibration and stress (a three-day car drive across the USA by myself), over-exertion (a week of intense manual labor) and emotional stress (four deaths in a week).
Before my nervous system completely unraveled back into the benzo withdrawal syndrome, I was tired. Totally wiped out. Did I rest? No, because I didn’t learn from my three-year setback!. I thought I was bullet-proof at six years off. But I was wrong, and I paid the price for ignoring the warning signal of fatigue.
Does Fatigue Mean Symptoms Will Get Worse?
No. Many of us have fatigue as part of the recovery process and it doesn’t mean that symptoms will get worse. Fatigue is just another benzo withdrawal symptom. This post isn’t about “normal” withdrawal fatigue. It’s about the fatigue that happens once we are feeling better, stronger, and we jump back into life. This post is about the fatigue that comes with a too-much-too-soon re-entry into life.
Is it wise to rest whether we feel fatigue as a normal part of withdrawal or as a too-much-too-soon warning? Yes, to both! No matter what drives your fatigue, it is a good idea to honor it and rest. We don’t have to prove that we are “strong” and push through. I remember sitting in the garden as my setback was slowly putting its claws into me, dragging me back down into the snakepit. I was so tired but I wanted to get the landscaping done. I told myself that I wasn’t going to let a little tiredness and aches and pains stop me from what I wanted to do. Maybe, just maybe, had a slowed down and listened to my body, I could have avoided a terrible setback.
There Will Be Time.
I’ve *finally* learned to slow down. I don’t push myself like I used to. I rest more. I take my time more. I don’t stress over getting things done quickly. I give myself more breathing room. I listen to my body now and honor what it needs. I understand that fatigue is the canary in the coal mine, not just for benzo withdrawal, but for all of life. When our bodies are tired they are letting us know we need to rest and we need to do it NOW, not later.
We can help avoid a wave or a setback if we are more attuned to our bodies and we give them what they need. If we listen to what the fatigue is telling us, we can slow down and rest and quite possibly save ourselves from more suffering. I wish I had heeded this advice a few years ago, but, at least I’ve learned it now. I hope that you will take it to heart as you are healing.
There will be time to jump back into life with both feet when your nervous system has completely recovered from the benzo damage. Be patient. Your recovery is just up ahead, waiting for you!
If you have fatigue now…
remember that it is just a normal part of withdrawal. It doesn’t mean that your symptoms will get worse. However, if you have been feeling well and you’ve jumped back into normal life and you are starting to feel fatigued, that’s possible your canary in the coal mine letting you know to SLOW DOWN. Rest. You’ll be glad you did.
Dr Jennifer,
Thank you for this timely article on fatigue. I think this explains what I am experiencing right now. I tire so easily with very little exertion when before I could go for days on end.
Could this fatigue also cause you to feel like you’ve just run a mile and affect your breathing as well ?
Does a good, clean diet help this symptom ?
Thank you for all you do and for sharing your knowledge and time with us !
Thanks my dear Jen. I need to hear this right now. My setback is gruelling on all levels and I feel as though I am back to day one. I have been up feeling poisoned all night buzzing burning wanting to die and exhaustion to the point of collapse. And I still want to push myself because I feel as though if I don’t force myself to get up I will succumb mentally and give up.
I also feel the need to push through and make a show of it for my children as I try to hide all this to the best of my ability from them as so to shelter them. Also I can’t bear to look so weak and sick in front of everyone. Everyone has been through so much. I try not to be a burden. I get up to fetch my water or tea or food and feel as though I’m just climbed Everest.
I agree the signs of fatigue were creeping up on me over the holidays and then into a cold, then bronchitis, that turned to sinusitis, and into pneumonia. I sat on my couch day in and day out with crippling fatigue for two months. Then I pushed myself with trying to start walking around the block again.
And then taking the antibiotic pushed me over and I crashed into hell. it’s as bad as month one.
It’s wonderful how God uses your blog and Soul Reminders JUST for me so often. A friend of mine and I both needed this today as we have been getting back into life and enjoying it so much. I had a four day window and was out and about every day. But last night my sleep wasn’t as good and this morning I am fatigued. I will not push through! It is not time for . Thank you, Jenn! God bless you!
I found this post very helpful. I just recently started my taper and I am quickly realizing that I cannot do all the things I want to do. I remind myself that this is temporary and to take it easy on myself, like this post says.
I also pray and continue to study the Holy Scriptures. I find that very life affirming and a source of great hope.
Thank you so much Jen. I am in a nasty wave as a result of rushing back into doing too much. It’s very hard as my grandchildren need me and so does my elderly mom who has dementia, and has become much more needy recently.I also thought I could drink alcohol safely… well occasionally may be ok , but absolutely not regularly. Like you, I was pushing myself… even as Jesus kept warning me to rest and go slowly… big blessings and love. I have often prayed for you and have been so encouraged ny your shining example. Love Nicki x
So good Jennifer ~ thank you ~
After a few days of partial window, I was expecting to have a full window for a few days at 41.5 months off. I had high hopes of being healed after an 8 day window and a 10 day window in Dec. and Jan. the last two days, I’ve been so tired even though I got more sleep than usual. Yesterday, I pushed myself to go to aquafit. I lasted 10 minutes in the pool, then 10 in the sauna, back in the pool for two laps, then lied in the warm pool with the jets on my neck and back. Today, I’m having waves of the stomach and brain churning when I try to think or clean or read. My doctor REFUSES to believe (or do any research) on benzo withdrawal and tells me that it’s all in my head and he has medication for that. Even though he has had me on 9 different psych meds and none of them worked. I had no problems until he gave me ativan for insomnia caused by menopause. I’ve lost 15 years of what would have been some of the best years of my life. I truly believed that I’d be healed in 6 months because i’ve tried everything and continue to do so…except…when I start feeling good I drink a cup of tea (heaven forbid), or make somewhat healthy homemade treats, or push myself to do light exercise. I’ve lost so much muscle mass and fear that my life is over.. that the rest is to be lived like an invalid but with no support. I can not travel or even make plans to travel. I’m a prisoner in my own house – I’m not afraid to leave the house – I cannot physically drive or walk – it is too demanding on my senses. Winter has been cruel as well. My vit D is low even in the summer because I haven’t been able to sit in the sun for several years now. i’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired and having the medical community say there is nothing wrong that ADs won’t cure!!! I went to the ER just 4 weeks ago because it felt like my head was going to explode for hours and there was a waterfall effect over my left eye. Ct scan showed nothing. My doctor said, you have to stop going to the ER for anxiety. I yelled at him – I didn’t go for anxiety!!!! (that was my 18th time in 4 years to the ER – only one time was not benzo related). I’ve had all the symptoms. Most that remain are the pounding/racing heart, internal akathisia, stabbing pain in my brain in the same two spots, strangling sensation, difficulty breathing, muscles don’t work – even for digesting or breathing…some sort of neuropathy – shooting icy cold dendritic patterned sensations in my arms, hands, legs and feet, stomach pain and upset, muscle tightness in my neck causing shooting, pulsing pain in the back of my neck, insomnia… and i’m sure a few others i can’t think of right now. I can’t take much more. I suffered for 10 years with anxiety and panic and told I was mentally ill and I kept saying… NO it’s like a chemical reaction in my gut – it’s not my thoughts. It took ME researching the internet to figure out why I could no longer cope. And then the false knowledge that I’d be healed in 18 months at the lastest. And that is almost 2 years ago. I’m losing hope. Thanks for listening.
Dear Dr. Jennifer,
I, too, am doing this yo-yo kind of thing where one day/days I’m intensely UP (in all aspects of mind, body and soul), followed by periods of being intensely DOWN again. Different from what it was during acute withdrawal in that the “deepest-downs” were a constant then, but now they are intermittent and not so deep.
So, if I’m getting it right from your last post and the comments made, I need to be vigilant to spot an especially high sense of health (expansiveness in mind, body and spirit) as being the possible precursor to a crash – that the high is NOT finally reaching the “am healed” state, but a another mere “window” that needs to be handled with caution and great discipline.
Am I getting the picture? If so, the black hole of despair is closer, beckoning me into its great yawning mouth….I’m 70, and out three years. What hope is there of any reasonable stability in relational exchange in the little life span I have left?
No. That’s not what I meant. When you are feeling healed (which you are not there, yet, if you are still having windows and waves) you will want to be mindful that if you begin to feel fatigue, that you should slow down. That’s all. The up and down pattern you are experiencing now should level out as your nervous system settles down. Just because you are 70 doesn’t mean that you won’t heal, or that you won’t have any good years ahead of you. Healing may slow down as we age, but we do still heal!
Perfect timming …I was just wondering why I feel so exhausted again!! Been going to bed so early and sleeping so long…it is definetly doing to much and stress any stress good or bad…I’m a hairdresser so so hard as I need to keep going!!! I can’t wait till this is over!!!! Your right we need to pace ourselves..one day I went bike ridding with my daughter and I felt it comming on dizziness and stars I had to stop and sit down thought I was gunna pass out…my nervousness system couldn’t do it!!! We try so hard to be normal again ..thx again perfect timming for me…xo
Hi Everyone,
It’s Carolyn here again, loved this blog today on fatigue Jen! Thank you for the reminders and more importantly (for me) the grace that I need to give myself, as you reminded me today, to let myself sleep and REST!
I’m around 2 years off a benzo, however, I was talked into taking another non benzo drug (for sleep) for another 2 years which I’ve now been off of for 6 months.
The long story/short for today’s comments to everyone, is that I’ve finally learned to allow myself the 9-10 hours of sleep that my brain needs almost nightly!
I’ve never been a great sleeper, EVER! Too much expectation and stress from when I was a very young athlete ….
Then in my early 30’s I got a doc to prescribe Clonopin to me for almost 20 years for my awful sleep.
Fabulous at first, and then everyone knows how that ends 🙁
Years ripped away from me trying to find out why I was going through major ups and downs due to the long term effects of taking benzos.
So here I am today, in my late 50’s with a college student away and more time on my hands to actually allow myself to sleep in. And sleep in I do! I know it’s not necessarily possible for everyone to allow themselves to sleep in based on where they are in their lives and our lives are really stressful sometimes. So when I was not able to sleep in, had to get up for kids, I went back to bed or took a nice nap in the afternoons whenever it was possible. I didn’t always actually fall asleep during those restful breaks and I didn’t always feel tremendously better if I did allow myself to lay down and get some much needed REST. But it was my stepping stone to a new awareness and routine of healing.
I’m a human-doer by nature, not much of a human ‘BE-ing’, so I too felt a lot of guilt about allowing myself to rest. Like Jennifer says, I would force myself to do things that would be expected of a ‘normal person’ because I so desperately wanted to be part of the ‘normal human population’.
Well that came screaming down with a very loud crash over and over again as I pushed myself and refused to listen to my brain and body.
I finally had someone like Jennifer explain to me how my brain functions had been tortured and somewhat changed because of the long term benzo use and then the awful feelings of with drawl and the windows of clarity followed by the crashing feelings of severe brain fog and fatigue and then the cycle would repeat itself over and over …. It’s like being on the worst ferris wheel (I’m not good at any of those rides!) and never being able to get off to feel some sort of control over your life and how you are going to feel at any given time.
I’d wake up in mornings and wonder what wheel was going to fall off today and it’s such a helpless feeling to have such a hard time functioning w/o understanding why you’re feeling so awful.
It’s people like Jennifer pioneering the path to healing and giving us ‘permission’ to take the necessary time to heal ourselves that makes going through these very dark times acceptable. It took me years to ‘accept’ that this was going to be a process of healing. And there were no doctors backing up what Jennifer told me which totally made the acceptance even harder to ‘ACCEPT’!
It’s a battle between what you’re going to choose, over what main stream tells us with regards to your healing process.
To this day I allow myself to sleep in and my best and most restful sleep comes in the earlier morning hours when my husband is bouncing out of bed getting on with his day!
But that is not for me and it’s ok that it’s just not for me right now 🙂
I don’t know when my pattern of restful sleep will resume into a more normal cycle. For now, I’m listening to my body and brain and making the adjustment to my 24 hours in any given day.
Are there times when I have to go to work and cannot allow the necessary time to rest? Of course, life is not perfectly aligned, never will be.
But now I make opportune time for myself to rest from a stressful time. I allow myself to feel tired and stressed and exhausted knowing that in the near future I’m going to REST soon and get back to giving myself some more grace and permission to take it a little bit easy again.
Fatigue has always been my catalyst, my number 1 complaint for years. Maybe your number 1 symptom is something else, or it’s a combination of symptoms. It’s still your mindfulness and awareness that should be in the drivers seat of your life that takes charge of your healing process. And it’s hard sometimes to be mindful when your brain isn’t functioning very well! If you can’t do it yourself, this is where you ask for help.
I also think that it’s perfectly OK to let our families see us taking care of US! It’s not something that they’ll see much of in our busy world.
What a great life skill to give to your kids!
Take care of YOU! What a concept 🙂
love to each and everyone of you in your healing and thanks for letting me read all of the great posts today! It takes the support of others to make the healing process just a little bit easier.
Elana, it is good to know there is someone else my age on this journey. I started right after I turned 66; I am 72 now. I’ve been med free for 23 months today as I went back on meds for close to a year. I hit tolerance within a few months and started over.
When I am in a wave, I feel like I will not be able to live long enough to enjoy healing. But in a window I don’t feel that at all. Windows feel so good and the waves seem worse because of it. Kind of like going from darkness into light – our eyes have to adjust. Our bodies have to adjust. But, we are healing all the time, thank God.
Dr. Jenn, thank you for encouragement for we older ones on this healing journey. Your encouragement helps me get through the waves. My hope is that I will live long enough to share some of the good God has done in me through this suffering.
It’s good to know we’re not alone.
Elana and Gloria, I too am in the older group so often bemoaning the fact that I have had to go thru something so awful so late in life. I know God has a plan for us all and His timing is perfect so I am grateful for that and move forward. I was put on Xanax 26 yrs ago when my husband was dying of cancer and stayed on it because my Dr assured me it was totally safe to Stay on for insomnia. Fast forward 23 yrs and I went into tolerance withdrawal and had no other choice but to get off. Looking back I guess going thru it now than when I was younger is better because had I gone thru it years ago I would have lost my job and my house because I was so sick there is absolutely no way I could have held down my job. Although I have no husband or family that could help me, at least now I am retired and I have been able to recover at my pace. I am nearly 3 yr. off and steadily healing with most symptoms much better. However, the fatigue also is the symptom that continue to rule my life. I know I will probably never have the energy I had prior to withdrawal and am confident it will continue to improve to where I have my life back so to speak. Again, I’m so glad I don’t have to hold down a job and can get the rest I need to recover more quickly than if I had all the demands that so many of the others have. I Really have to pace myself and go a lot slower than I would like to but I have been wise to listen to Jennifer’s advice so that I do not have a major setback. SLOW is the name of the game. I know we will all get there one day and I am So grateful that we have had Jennifer to guide us along the way. Don’t know if I could have done it without Her. I pray for complete healing for everyone that has gone thru and is going thru this and will always be eternally gratefully to Jennifer for her continued love, support, encouragement and guidance she has given to us all. Jennifer, you have definitely earned your angel wings. You are the Best! Much love to you and all the rest, Kathy
My spirit is lifted reading your comment, Kathy. We are not alone – God being our most helpful companion on this difficult journey. My relationship with Him and dependence on Him has come along way because of this suffering. I love Him more! I too am grateful that I don’t have anyone depending on me and my heart and prayers go out to younger women and men who have children who are depending on them. I know that there is always something to be grateful for and I try to thank God every day.
Thank you for your post, Kathy, I love how positive you are. Most days I am that way too. One thing I have noticed on this journey is that God does a lot of interior work in us , not only in our brains but also in our mind, emotions and our will. I love what He’s doing in me, I love Him the more for it. Catch up time, I guess. May you be blessed in your walk with the Lord each day as you look to Him.