I was sick for so many years, that when I started to get better, it was an indescribable feeling. I thought I had known joy before, and I certainly had, but this… this was off the charts. Sure, I was in heaven every time they placed one of my (four!) newborn babies in my arms, but this was as if God handed myself to me, all fresh and new and swaddled in possibility. I don’t want to look back, except to say “Thank you,” for the lessons I’ve learned. I want to stay here in the present moment and bask in the glow of the power of right here, right now!
My life has certainly taken a great many twists as turns over the last seven years. One of the main journeys I took was in my flower garden. If you’ve read any of my old posts, you know how much my gardening helped my recovery. And it wasn’t just that it offered a calm and peaceful place for me to reside while in the midst of my brain damage. No, it offered so much more! It gave me the opportunity to learn some big life lessons. It gave me the opportunity to go deep within myself and to heal my old wounds and ragged scars.
Now, my garden is a place of comfort and care for many people in my neighborhood. I’ve been asked to help others plan and plant their garden, and I have, gladly. I know the power of healing that comes from digging in Mother Earth and tending to all her wildlife. I am excited to share with you that I am now working with people here in the San Francisco Bay Area in their gardens. I have a new website, and I’ll be creating an Instagram and Pinterest account so I can share the flowers with everyone. Don’t worry. I’m not leaving my work with people who are recovering from benzo withdrawal. I’ll still be coaching Monday through Wednesday. (Feel free to sign up for some time if you want to get in touch.)
My, how my heart has grown from the first time I swallowed a benzo and until now. I’ve learned the secrets of health and happiness. I’ve learned that we don’t need to seek for love, but instead, we need to seek all the barriers we’ve created to love and dismantle them. That’s what I did in my garden. I learned how to be vulnerable. I learned how to forgive. I learned how to accept life on life’s terms. And I learned how to say ‘Thank you!” in all things.
If you’re a flower gardening enthusiast and you’d like to receive posts, ideas, and inspiration from my new website, you can sign up at InJennifersGarden.com. (FYI, there isn’t any info about benzos there.) I’m so amazed at the doors that keep opening for me in my life. I’m so grateful I can be of service to others. You’ll be amazed too, at where life takes you on your healing journey. Don’t give up or lose hope. Reach out if you do, I’ll listen and hold your heart and your hand.
Hi Jenn, I’m so happy for you, I know how much of a passion you have for gardening and being able to use your creativity in that field will be truly marvellous. You have such a kind heart and have helped me with your blogs overcome so many hurdles on the recovery road. I have said to you before I do not know what I would have done if you had not shared your coping skill kit with me so I could use it. You really are an inspiration to all. I wish you love, success and most of all happiness with your new venture.
I feel like a caterpillar at the moment waiting for the day I become a butterfly.
Love and hugs across the Pond
Jackie
Edinburgh
Much love and prayers to all x
Best of luck with your new endeavors. You are always in my prayers.
Our garden grew and you were able to grow with it. Did the distraction of the garden let the healing happen or did the act of gardening generate real healing? It doesn’t matter it helped for you to reach the new you. Thanks for keeping others in your thoughts each day.
Dear Jennifer, I find myself regressing with every post on Facebook. No doublt these are well meaning people who have gone/going through hell. I had to quit a Benzos group simply put , my mind couldn’t handle all of the misery. This is why I have told my husband , being that deep into misery , really breeds more misery. I joined, and one week exactly had to leave. I found myself constantly thinking of your reassuring words , of greater things to come. I too love gardening, and just adopted 2 kittens to help myself stay focused on positive, not negative.
Your reassurance that I will get better are truly the only words I need to hear. So every few days I come here to check , and feel truly supported. In May , in the midst of a horrific WAVE since February, with the help of my husband , we flew to Florida on a business/vacation trip. My point us that at what I felt was a very low point, it was you I was listening to. Distractions are so very important, yet I find ppl wallowing in misery. I too feel sorry for myself , having crying fits , and want to give up. Like you I have always been a doer. I have 5 daughters , all very successful, from Dr. , To architecture. Well thank you for staying positive, and when I need reference/ reassurance, I go back and re-read.
Have a blessed Sunday
Fatima