It’s hard to believe that there is no cure for benzodiazepine withdrawal.
I used to scratch my head and wonder how we could put a man on the moon, but we couldn’t seem to find a cure (or even much relief, for that matter) for benzo withdrawal. When I was suffering horribly after my cold turkey from the benzo I had taken as prescribed, I spent a lot of time online researching everything I could in hopes of finding a way out. Was inositol a help? Or niacin? What about the MTHFR gene mutation? Wouldn’t some L-methylfolate help with that? Maybe acupuncture or massage would do the trick. I tried a lot of different supplements, foods, therapies, and gizmos and gadgets. Nothing worked to take away my symptoms. And some things made me feel worse. A lot worse.
I wasted a lot of money.
I was desperate for relief and believed that I would find the answer to withdrawal suffering, even though all the people who had suffered before me had never found the answer. My search for a cure didn’t help my recovery; it only helped to empty my savings account. There wasn’t anything that helped my receptors heal any faster; there no way out but through.
Most doctors don’t know about benzo withdrawal.
I wasted a lot of time and energy, too. I wanted a doctor to validate what I was experiencing, but none of them knew anything about withdrawal. A few promised that they did, but they didn’t. I used to argue with doctors, doing my best to explain to them that I was in benzo withdrawal, but it didn’t do any good. They didn’t believe me and often gave me very bad advice or an erroneous diagnosis. It’s demoralizing to suffer because of the medical community and then to be either ignored or disbelieved by that community.
The definition of insanity is…
doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome. I felt sorta crazy, or at least out of control until I stopped searching frantically for some way out of benzo withdrawal. So I finally stopped seeing doctors for every odd symptom I had. It wasn’t worth the anger and frustration I felt. And I stopped searching online for a cure. I came to understand that there are no pills, no potions, no lotions, no vitamins, no supplements, no therapies, no treatments, that can hasten the recovery of GABA receptors.
There wasn’t much I could do other than good self-care and patience.
I learned to eat really healthily, avoid stress, find ways to distract, to be of service, to practice acceptance, and to be patient. I stopped spending hours and hours online googling for something to “save me,” and I got on with my life as best as I could. I stopped thinking that there was a pill or a supplement that would erase my suffering. I knew that there wasn’t. I learned how to cope with my insomnia, pain, weakness, fatigue, tingles, blurry vision, and even anxiety and depression. Not that it was fun, but I managed to keep going.
Acceptance reduces suffering.
When I got on with my life and accepted that I had to wait for my nervous system to recover from the damage caused by the benzo, I felt stronger, more empowered. When I stopped searching for a cure and instead asked myself (and God) how I was going to cope and what I was going to do, I turned a corner emotionally; I stopped feeling like a victim. From there, I began to mature spiritually. Acceptance wasn’t just a way to get through benzo withdrawal, it was a way to face all of my life. And I embraced it with both arms, for it helped me to be at peace, which in turn helped me to heal the things that got me on the medication to begin with!
It’s okay to stop searching.
It’s okay to stop searching for a way out of benzo withdrawal. It’s okay to practice extreme self-care-—to rest, avoid stress, and to eat clean and healthily. It’s okay to stop trying to get doctors to understand or believe you. It’s okay to let family and friends think what they will about you. It’s okay to be patient; knowing in your heart that one day, you will recover. It’s okay to live just in today, not looking back with regret or ahead with worry. It’s okay to be you, just as you are, right now.