Pain researchers have noted that people who have had trauma in their lives (especially as children) tend to have more pain. One explanation is that the mind and body are one. Whatever is in the mind will be manifested in the body—even subconscious thoughts and feelings will show up in the body. While earning my doctorate in psychology, I studied under Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a world-renowned traumatologist. He said,”The body keeps the score.” And that is so true! People with unresolved trauma tend to have that trauma show up in the body. Until we deal with our emotions, our body will continue to manifest our feelings. This is interesting for those of us who have had a traumatic withdrawal or for those of us who were put on a benzo for anxiety, panic, grief, trauma, etc. If we haven’t worked through our emotions, we may be unwittingly generating some uncomfortable body sensations.
This was never more evident to me than when I had to face an event that triggered some very old and deeply ingrained emotions. I was mostly bedridden that day with a very tangible increase in withdrawal symptoms. I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence. Even though I felt that I was in no way driving my symptoms, I knew that there had to be a part of my brain that was behind the scenes causing havoc. The next day, I was much better, which proved my point for myself.
I’m now using an app called Curable to work with my emotional/trauma load. It is an app used for pain such as migraines, but so far, it seems to be helping me navigate my way to a healthier place. One of the exercises in the app is called expressive writing. It helps us get to the core of the hidden and deep-seated emotions that may drive our symptoms. I need this exercise because I can get into a vicious cycle of symptoms and fear. For example, I had been dizzy. Every time I stood up the world lurched below my feet. I hated the sensation and began to fear feeling dizzy which in turn caused me to avoid standing up. The avoidance sent an unconscious message to the fear center in my brain, telling it that I was in danger. Which then created even more dizziness and more avoidance. Writing about my feelings helped stop the cycle.
It’s interesting to note that Ann Hopper, a woman who had such severe chemical sensitivities that she lived outdoors in a tent for some time, cured herself (and many others) of her symptoms. She did so with a program that she created called Dynamic Neural Retraining System. She felt that her symptoms stemmed from an overactive amygdala, the brain’s fight or flight region. By learning to not give into the anxiety that her symptoms caused, she was able to extinguish them by rewiring the brain. Can we (especially those of us in protracted withdrawal) learn to avoid getting hooked into our symptoms so that we don’t give them any fuel to increase and thereby create a new, healthier wiring in our brain? I think so. I tried Ann’s program and it did give me some relief.
We have a chemical brain injury that causes our symptoms. There is no disputing that. But we can unlearn some of the behaviors and emotions we’ve created that keep some of our symptoms going. We can do the work of addressing trauma and or intense emotions when we are stable enough to do that work (Curable is a good app for this), and we can avoid giving our symptoms any energy (Which is the premise of Dynamic Neural Retraining System.). We don’t want to become Pavlov’s dog and have our symptoms kick in every time we have a slight trigger.
By the way, I celebrated seven years of being benzo free on the 23rd of this month. I still have some lingering symptoms from my setback last summer. But I am working towards the goal of being symptom-free with the new app called Curable as well as my faith and my determination, one step at a time.
Congrats on 7 years! Time flies when you are “having fun” eh? Ugh. Sadly, time marches a bit too slowly in this process. Great blog. I actually think the emotional aspects of benzo w/d have been the toughest for me to deal with. The physical isn’t easy, but the emotional ones are the ones that creep in and take hold. I find that I am processing emotions about things long in my past, things I haven’t thought about in a very long time. I also find I am emotional MESS almost every day, for a while. I have crying jags that will come on hard and I can’t control them. I let the tears flow, as I know my body is releasing something it wants to be rid of, either physically or emotionally. Crying is like a release valve for me. Makes my eyes hurt, but my body feels better. I’m going to check out the Curable app and see what it can do. Thanks!
I am a victim of divorce, an only child born in 1971 and my dad was drafted to Vietnam…he became dependent on morphine while he was there…He came back as a different person. My parents were both really young 21 years old when they had me. I guess when I was young I didn’t know any better…But as I got older I realized how emotionally neglected I was by my parents – My grandma tried to make up for it. But as I got married and had my own kids…old memories of resentment started to surface. Comparison of how I was treated compared to my half siblings…The one good thing is that it has made me a better parent to my own two girls.
Hi Jen..all I have to do is have a thought..any thought such as I have to go to store and then to bank or pool and right away my heart palpitations and I get dizzy ..or if my parents tell me they don’t feel good anything and I’m dizzy..then feeling dizzy gives you mor anziety and im even dizzier..lately though I’m really depressed..I don’t feel myself at all.. Feeling so alone..no matter who I talk to they don’t get it
..I’m really scared some days!!! I’m glad your here but no one has this vision problem for so long…why is it not getting better? I really need a break soon….some days I can deal but lately it’s really really getting to me…don’t mean to go on and on just so hard….do you know anyone who has bad vision problems ..Feeling desperate lately..thx jen❤️
Lynne…your comment really hit home with me. No one “gets it” except those of us in it. If we physically could be in a group in our town where we could personally talk with people who are going through the same, I believe that would give us validation just to be understood. I am three years away from my last sliver of a pill (short-term user total six months with taper) and suffering right now on my third setback that has lasted five months. Prior to this recent setback, I felt great for 10 months!! My severe depression and feeling alone in the world is the worst! Extreme fatigue, no appetite, impulsive crying and feelings of no joy and feelings of fearfulness have been so hard to handle, I get back in that mode of “I don’t know if I can make it another day!” It’s so hard for me to think positively or even believe anymore that I’m going to be normal again!! I feel so ripped off!!!
Pam..I so get it..these feelings overtake you and you feel like there’s no where to go or do…you can’t talk to anyone and like you said feelings of being alone depression and I can’t take another day is overwhelming..those feelings of no joy and feeling flat are the worst..but what helps me sometimes is just get out a walk or anything to get your mind off it for a little bit..but sometimes my mind just goes bonkers ..I can’t reason the simplest thing..it’s amazing what this can do to a person..but I do know that we will heal one day..stress doesn’t help at all!!!! But we’re can you go from it? Take time for yourself and rest be kind to you…..know what your trigger points are like Jen said…and one day we will beat this thing and live a wonderful life….I can’t wait!!!! I’m so at wits end. But…I know that my faith keeps me going. That at the end of this. We’ll be ok…hang in!!!!❤️
Pam, I echo every single thing you said. 4 years and 10 days for me, and I still have horrendous existential fear.
Angie…right there with you! Fear is the worst mixed with depression and no pleasure feelings. My weekends are the toughest. I’m 64 and have lived alone for a very long time with being fine. I am a very strong person and have never depended on anyone for anything before benzos and now have fought through my weekends not wanting to disturb anyone else’s life. But lately I won’t allow myself to go there with all the horrendous, unsettling thoughts that come into my head and I have my grandchildren hang out with me to distract me. My son and his wife and their four children have saved me over the weekend. I can say I’ve been utterly exhausted with all the chaos while they all are here but the minute they say they are leaving the fear resonates. I kept one with me here last night so I wouldn’t have to wake up alone today.