It’s raining now, as I write these words. The tap, tap, tap, on the roof, lullabies me as I ready for bed. Just after midnight, the rain will turn to snow, and I’ll wake up to a world covered in white—winter’s last gasp—as it fades into spring. That’s the rhythm of nature. Something is always coming or going; everything has a season. That’s good to remember as you traverse through benzo withdrawal. It may feel as if it will last forever, but it won’t. The suffering you are experiencing now is just a season. There will be a new season to follow; a season of joy and peace, a season of blessings.
Like many of you, I thought I was broken beyond repair, doomed to a life of misery. I was sure that I would be the outlier, the one who didn’t heal. There was so little evidence to support the notion of my healing. My benzo withdrawal symptoms felt so entrenched, so a part of who I was, that I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Besides, when I started to feel a bit better, and I dared to have a sliver of hope, my symptoms either came roaring back full force or new symptoms appeared.
But then there was that one day. That day when my symptoms were better, and they didn’t come roaring back and new ones didn’t appear. That day was the day that the season of my suffering was letting go. Sure, it took some time for the suffering to end finally, but end it did. And in its place, came an unbelievable season of blessings. That’s the season I’m living in now.
Remember, nothing lasts forever. Day turns into night. Today turns into yesterday. Suffering eventually ends and something beautiful takes its place. I know it may be hard to believe, but this season of suffering you are in now is turning you into an incredible version of yourself; more strong than you could have ever imagined, more patient, more understanding, more compassionate, more wise, more loving. That’s what so many of us who have weathered the slings and arrows of benzo withdrawal have experienced.
No matter how far down you may think you are, no matter how broken, how shattered, how unrecognizable you may be, remember that is is just a season. It’s not forever. It is a season that may be challenging, but soon, the new shoots of growth will pierce through the seemingly relentless darkness, and you’ll feel the light, the warmth, the preciousness of your days.
If you are an oldie goldie like me, maybe you’ll remember the song Turn. Turn. Turn., by the Byrds. The last line says it all “A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late.” Your peace is coming; It will happen. In its own good time. It’s not too late for you. A season of blessings is coming. You can trust that just as you can trust that winter will uncurl her clenched fist and finally let go. It will be spring, soon.