The poet Rumi once penned a brilliant few lines that read: “The sweet pleasure of reaching’s one’s destination is amplified by the suffering one has endured during the journey.” (Rumi Day By Day, by Maryam Mafi) Such a profound truth for those of us navigating our way through benzodiazepine withdrawal. The intensity of the suffering is unbearable, yet we bear it, day after day, week after week, month after month, and for some of us, year after year. There are times when we lose hope that we will ever reach the destination of “healed.” We worry that the mental and/or physical symptoms we suffer from are a life sentence—that we will never be free from them. But we trudge on, holding a little slip of hope in our hands, praying with every step that sometime soon, we will feel better.
Time passes and we look back over our shoulders and realize that we are indeed healing. It may be ever so slow, but it’s happening. Then, one glorious day, we wake up and it’s as if we have never been in withdrawal. We have control of our thoughts and our feelings. We have clarity and energy. When we step outside, colors appear fresh and bright, the sound of the birds singing fills us with cheer. The perfume of flowers makes us swoon with delight. Everything in life suddenly feels *AMAZING.* It is as if we’ve woken up out of a Rip Van Winkle sleep. We are like children in a candy store, our eyes and our appetites, enormous. It is the most wonderful thing in the world!
I once read, years ago, someone’s success story about recovery from benzo withdrawal. I remember that they wrote, “Nothing in life sucks.” It’s so true. We are so grateful to be out of the depths of hell, that everyday life with its ups and downs and aches and pains seems rather glorious. And, it is! We’ve suffered for so long that we have a greater understanding of life. We’ve expanded. We’ve become better people. We’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff—realizing that it’s mostly all small stuff. We’ve thrown off the shackles that used to bind us pre-benzos. We’ve escaped our old limitations; our fears and doubts.
The most common things will spark joy. You’ll take nothing for granted. You’ll feel alive in a whole new way. The best part? You won’t be haunted by the journey you were on. You’ll step out of that fine mess like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. You’ll unfurl your wings and fly. It will be such a sweet pleasure!
Jennifer, this maybe one of the hardest and most important parts of going thru this as unless you have gone thru it or are going thru it there is such lack of understanding ! Thank You and God Bless ~Rob
Oops I believe I commented on the wrong post. My apologies !
Hi Jenn, boy oh boy did I need to read this!! My body has gone from perfectly healthy to neuralga on my face, arthritic hands and fingers everything seems to affect my right ride including my head. I contemplated reinstating today after 5 long months, but I keep thinking about the finish line and it stops me. I wish everything would just go away. I have had many quests in life but this has broken mind body and spirit. I don’t know if I can suffer any longer, I so need your help.
Hugs across the pond
Jackie
To Jean hugs hugs hugs
Edinburgh x
Jackie, I also am a Benzo w/d sufferer. My symptoms, both mental and physical, are literally bringing me to my knees. If you can, YouTube a song by Casting Crowns called “I Will Praise You in This Storm”. I don’t know about your faith… but this song “speaks” to me. It gives me hope. The hope that we all so desperately need in this storm of our lives. Jackie, we are warriors. We are survivors. We are overcomers. We are wonderful people. We are going thru this trial and when we GET WELL we will help so many others have hope for their recovery.
As Jennifer says, “hold tightly to your heart” the fact that we will recover. God’s grace is with us each second to get us through the storm. Your friend and fellow warrior, Rick
Jackie, it is going to get much better! Give it time. Life really does become sweet again. Cheering you on across the pond.
Jennifer, what a great post! It’s so positive and supportive, which is what I need now! Thanks and God bless you.
My Dear Jackie Across the Pond, wanted you to KNOW I was serious the other day. I am faithfully sending you good Jean vibes specifically to you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. DO NOT put that nasty-ass med back in your system! Please don’t do it! You ARE healing, I know it. It’s like a scar that tortures you with it’s itching and aching and pulling, that means it’s healing! Believe me when I say I understand, and I realize it’s hard to look at it in that way, but you MUST. Jackie WILL come back, just like I did. I’m hardly symptom free, but that feeling of watching myself in some twisted horror flick is gone. My heart and soul and REAL Jean essence is back to help me get through the rest of this and kick benzos ass!
We will both make it through to the other side of this because we’re tough as nails, and because we have to. One of my many uneducated doctors (I’ll call him number 15) told me I can’t do this without meds. BIG mistake telling ME can’t. Absolutely the best and fastest way to get this rebel woman to do anything!
There is no way for me or anyone to tell you when you will have a breakthrough like mine, but you will. I will SO be looking forward to seeing your note on that day!
Now you get to walking, I’m cranking up some good old Johnny Cash to dance to. And we’re both going to go feed those birds that are just as necessary for our survival as we are for theirs.
You’ve got this girl! It just takes an enormous amount of stamina to keep solving a problem perpetually. Onward!
Sending huge warm hugs and good vibes from your friend in the U.S. Peace, Jean
Jackie, I don’t know if my ideas help, but I think we all have to find something besides the monster to focus on and get us through each day. I’m an unemployed Chef, have been making people happy with my food for 40 years. Many months ago I started baking cupcakes as “therapy”. I did another 50ish last night, I pass them out to random people all over town, every day. The nice lady at the grocery, the man who repaired my furnace, a young lady in a parking lot. (Who prob thinks I’m about half off the wall, but who cares!) I’ve dubbed it random acts of cupcakes. My thing, my therapy, a good for all focus that’s helping me slay the dragon. This week’s flavors are raspberry lemonade and gingered pear. I fiddled around with some melted white chocolate and made little trees to decorate them. I’m going to take some to the fire dept. guys later today.
Somehow, someday, I’ll send YOU a cupcake. Perhaps with some little chocolate birds on top, Ha!
Keep on keepin’ on Sweetie, life is waiting for us.
Peace, Jean Jean, The Cupcake Queen 🙂
Jennifer I loved the Rumi quote ! Jean a therapist I met for the first time told me I would be fooling myself if I thought I could get through my ordeal without medication. THIS HAPPENS EVERYDAY TO 1000s. How many are talked into it ? As Jennifer has shared with us on several occasions drugs are the last thing we need.
At this point I am so anti any drug and for just cause. For all on this blog if you haven’t already go to Youtube and watch – Making A Killing, The Untold Story of The Psycothropic Drugging of America. WARNING IT WILL MAKE YOU SICK & MAD ! This has to change. It is so important for us to remain strong and never get caught up in the vicious drug cycle. We must also be assertive with are PCP, SPECIALISTS, THERAPISTS!
Love to all, Jerry
Again 🤣 WATCH THIS ! SHARE IT !
Youtube – THE UNTOLD STORY OF PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGGING
LOVE & BLESSINGS, Jerry
Thank you for this blog entry!!! A message of hope ~ YES!!! We can do this ….. breath by breath. We’re getting there!! What an accomplishment it is to travel on this road of Benzo Recovery 🌼
Jennifer, words cannot express my deep gratitude for your continuing work to help and support those of us that are still in the trenches. There is no one else on the internet that holds a candle to you. You give us the knowledge to navigate, the peace to hang in there and the hope for a brighter future. I dare say there are people whose life you have saved with your stories of such struggle and yet recovery to a wonderful life again worth living. You are amazing and have earned your wings here on earth. We appreciate you SO much. Much much love, Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Thank you so much for putting that into the perfect words we all have wanted to say. This illness has made me feel very much alone and without a voice, this blog most definitely helped save my life. Thank you Jennifer, for everything you’ve done for us. It can’t be measured.
If you have any brilliant ideas on how I/We can use our collective voices to SCREAM about the truths of benzo withdrawal to the masses, PLEASE pass them on. As my brain power returns, I find myself with an absolute compulsion to help right this wrong in some way. There is a vendetta in my heart that has to be directed into a positive force and the masses aren’t listening. I need some clear direction to use my big mouth for good. Thoughts anyone?
Jackie, your good vibes of the day are now floating across the pond to you, I’m here, big hugs!
Peace, to all. Jean
Kathy, thank you for your very kind and generous words. I do my best to help. It was a very long and lonely journey for me as I healed from benzo withdrawal. I just want others to feel supported and cared for, so that their journey isn’t too tiring. I appreciate your time to post your comment and to share your heart. Thank you!
Hope u have a wonderful trip helping many on your travels
3 1/2 months and feel awful. vertigo and blurry vision and anxiety and hopeless. tired of this journey
anyone tried cbd to help withdraws and sxs
drs want me to try other meds
Baclafen trying not to. feeling so many weird sensations in my head.
need some support
Sleep, what about sleep?? Please, I’m so desperate to know that people (along with their other physical/ psychological side effects being healed), also had their sleep completely return to being *amazing*.
Your message of hope was really fantastic, but could you please tell me about what sleep issues you suffered and if they’re gone??
Thank you so much.
Praying for everybody, every day.