Just when I thought it would never get better, it got better.
True, I still have symptoms, but I also have a life. I rarely think about withdrawal anymore. Can you believe it? It used to be what drove my every thought. I was obsessed with what was happening to my brain and body. Totally. Now I am obsessed about getting my life back in order, and figuring out the focus of my coaching practice. I am engaged in life and it’s great! I still tire easily, but who cares? I am so grateful to have a relatively normal life. I’m hopefully adopting a new dog (Emma was too leash aggressive and couldn’t pass the service dog requirements, sadly) to help me with the last few symptoms and to help me integrate back into the world in a bigger way. He’s an amazing being with so much soul. When I am out with him, I don’t think about my dizziness. I am too focused on him! I’m fostering him now to make sure he’s a good fit.
I can honestly say that life is good. I am glad to be alive. I feel joy. I feel happiness. I know the last few symptoms will get better in time. I don’t have any doubt anymore that I will heal. I am sure of it now.
I know that one day my stamina will return. The tingles will stop. The bone pain will cease. The woozy dizzy head pressure stuff will end too, one day. In the meantime, I engage with life as much as I can, without over doing it. I know it’s hard to believe, but I am grateful for the experience of wd. It made me a much better person. I am so grateful to be this strong, humble woman. A sober woman. A benzo free woman. A woman who truly wants to do God’s work. I wasn’t that before all of this. I was an ego driven drama queen with a fragile sense of self-esteem. I had a big career growing, sure, but underneath it all, I was afraid a lot of time. Not now. I know I can face whatever life dishes out. I’ve lived through hell. For a very long time. I held on. I got through it.
Life is an adventure. It’s up, down, sideways. I was down for so long that the only way to go is up. I’m climbing out of the benzo snake pit. It’s UP, UP, UP… from here on out. I don’t foresee another wave coming, but if one does, I know how to cope. I’m an expert at holding on and coping.
I hope you all will hold on and cope. It’s worth it. Life gets good again. Our brains recover. We get back on with our lives. I promise.