“What symptoms do I have today?”

My inbox brimmed with congratulations on my son’s wedding. Thank you! Many of you also wanted to know what my benzo withdrawal symptoms were like the day after. Here is an honest account of how a big, exciting day impacted my (still healing) CNS.

A bit more stress and strain due to the venue.

In the spirit of total transparency, I have to admit that the wedding venue added some emotional stress for me. The wedding, which was breathtakingly beautiful, was held at my ex-husband’s estate. I divorced him 20+ years ago and left that home with my four precious children in tow.

Happiness can rev up the CNS.

I walked my son down the aisle. My heart full of pride and a fierce love. We stopped at the last row of seats, hugged and parted ways. It felt as if my heart left my body and followed him to the alter. It hurt! My heart raced for a few minutes after I sat down. I was so full of emotions! It didn’t translate to anxiety, however.  I mostly felt love, happiness, and excitement. There was some wistfulness tucked in here and there. If I’m honest, some sadness, too. Weddings can take you through an emotional journey as they are such powerful events.

 My (now five children) Natalie, Kristen, John, Louis and William.

I danced the night away!

The mother/son dance got me on the dance floor. From there, I couldn’t resist.I danced and danced and danced! It was the FIRST TIME IN FIVE YEARS that I danced. I used to be quite the disco queen years ago. I loved going to clubs and shake my booty! I became winded easily last night, and my bones screamed in protest, but I danced!

Left at 11, humming with energy.

I called it a night at 11. Seven and a half hours of celebration was enough. Tired, achy, but intensely happy, I hugged and kissed my son and my daughter-in-love good night. ( They are trying for a honeymoon baby so I also placed my hand on her tummy and said a little prayer!) My best friend/neighbor came over when I got home. We looked at the pictures and videos I had taken. She allowed me to process my emotions. She left just after midnight. I went out and sat in the cool quiet of the night in the garden. My CNS hummed with energy. Not anxiety. Not fear. Just too much input! I knew sleep wouldn’t find me for hours. Even so, I crawled into bed and did my best to calm down an over stimulated body. (BTW I didn’t drink alcohol or caffeine, or eat a lot of sugary things at the wedding.)

Sleep found me at 3 a.m. Four hours later, I was awake.

I woke to my usual symptoms and some old ones.

• tingles/bee stings from my waist down
• burning skin
• intense muscle, bone, joint, nerve pain
• burning eyes
• blurry vision
• backache
• ringing ears
• head pressure
• bottom of feet burning, tingling, pain
• twitching muscles
• dizzy, woozy
• burning/tingling tongue
• fatigue

I’m happy. Ready to face the day.

I’m so used to pushing through the body symptoms. Today is no different. I’ll face the day with an open and grateful heart. I’ll say a prayer for my son and daughter-in-love as they start the first day as husband and wife.  They catch a late flight tonight to an incredible resort in Jamaica. (Safe travels!) I know how to take good care of myself. I’ll do some light gardening, sit in the sun, and I’ll write, too.

My body paid a price for the good times of the night. It was worth it. Perhaps by the time my next child gets married, my CNS will be even more healed. I can hope so, at least!

No emotional/mental symptoms.

I have only body symptoms. No weird thoughts. No fear. No anxiety. No depression. None of those old symptoms returned. (Thankfully!)

Life goes on.

Yes, I still battle body symptoms. But life goes on, with all of its fullness, richness, and wonders. A new chapter for my family began last night. I’m excited to live my way into it.