This is not a typical post from me. It may be triggering for some. Read with caution.
I have pondered and prayed for days—what’s the right thing to do in the wake of the murder of George Floyd? Do I write about it or not? After all, it’s not benzo related. But my heart tells me that to be silent is to be part of the system that has marginalized our black brothers and sisters, seemingly, since time began. To speak my heart is the right thing to do. I may not get the words right, and for this, I apologize in advance. However, what is in my heart is right, for it is love. I love you, my black benzo buddies. I love you so much, and my heart is hurting for you. Hurting for the hate you’ve had to face, the fear you’ve experienced— the injustice of it all breaks my heart. But my heartache is nothing in comparison to the ache, the grief, the fear, the anger, that must fill your hearts, and has been in your hearts possibly all of your lives.
I’m not going to even attempt to say that I know what it feels like to be in your shoes. I don’t. I can’t. I’m a white woman of privilege. I can drive my car without worrying I’ll be pulled over by the police. I can jog in my neighborhood and no one calls the police. I can walk in the park and no one notices me. When shopping, security doesn’t trail me. I never taught my four children how to act if stopped by the police so that they wouldn’t get shot or killed. It never even crossed my mind to do that. Why would it? The color of their skin was their protection from police brutality. But you’ve had to do that. You’ve had to live with a different set of rules. You’ve lived in a different United States, than the one I’ve lived in. And I am so, so, sorry.
I don’t know exactly what to say or to do to make things right. All I know to do is to keep on loving. And to listen. Listen deeply to what you want me and the world to know. To listen until you feel heard. To listen until you feel loved. To listen until I’ve learned how to make you feel safe. To listen until I’ve learned how to best support you right now and in the future.
It’s all so ugly and destructive, this monster called racism. May we defeat it together— all of us— black, white, brown, red, yellow and all the colors in between.
I love you all, so very, very much. Please, stay safe, everyone.