Love creates. Fear destroys.
There are two states we can be in— love or fear. Everything we feel resides somewhere on a spectrum of either one. Most often, we don’t have a choice as to how our nervous system reacts to perceived threats. (Those threats are usually ego based—emotional, not physical.) But our nervous system reacts all the same. Even when we feel someone is judging us, our nervous system jumps into action to “protect” us. In benzo withdrawal, we spend most of our time in a state of protection—we are triggered by so many things.
We may not have a choice over how our nervous system reacts, however, we DO have a choice over how we respond to the reaction. We can do our best to shift out of fear and into a positive state. It’s important to remember that positivity (love) baths the entire body in a calm that’s needed for our organs and systems to function properly and to renew and repair themselves. Fear does just the opposite. It rots us from the inside out, so to speak, by the stress hormones it releases.
Choosing love.
Awareness is key. We have to know when we’ve been triggered and our bodies are reacting to a perceived threat. The clues that let us know we are no longer in a loving state are the words we use. “What if I’m stuck like this forever?” “I’ll never heal.” “My life is over.” Anytime we time travel to the future and imagine negative things, we are in fear. Anytime we use negative words to label others, we are also in fear. So, that doctor bashing (or family/friend bashing) many of us do doesn’t add to our well-being.
We can be aware of the story we tell ourselves about our recovery, and we can choose to change the negative story to a positive one. We can do our best to move out of fear and into a positive state.
It’s work, I know.
It’s hard work for anyone to be aware of our negative, fear-based reactions and to change our thoughts and feelings. It’s even harder work in benzo withdrawal, I know. But it’s work worth rolling up our sleeves and attempting. We do well to spend time changing our story if we are stuck believing the doom and gloom that our minds want us to believe.
One way to cope with the negative thoughts/stories is to bathe them in love, for love is what casts out fear. And our negative thoughts and stories are just that—fear. When my brain wants to run wild with a negative story, I simply tell my amygdala (the part of the limbic system that likes to generate scary stories) that I hear what it wants me to know, but that God and I have the situation under control. I call my amygdala Amy. I’m often having to console her—to reassure her that everything is going to be alright. When I do that, my scary story usually dissipates. I’m more able to see the possibilities hidden in a challenge instead of the perceived threats. I remind myself what fear usually is: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Positivity heals.
When we choose to tell ourselves a more positive story about our healing, we reduce the impact of negative stress hormones. Even it’s only a tiny amount, that’s a step in the right direction. See how creative you can be in telling “Amy” that you’re in charge and that you understand she is frightened, but you’ve got this! There can be no darkness in light, and shining the light of love on our fears is an excellent way to banish them.
The heart that is willing to crack wide open in benzo withdrawal is the heart that allows the most light in—it’s the heart that will heal the most. Positivity is medicinal, miraculous and magical! I hope that you can turn toward it every day.
This post has helped me – again – to remember hope! And God is helping us to change the stories “Amy” tells us. Oh for the day when Amy only tells love stories! I guess that will be in heaven; but, we can get started now. Thanks, Jenn!
Thank you for this Jen. As I travel on this taper and symptoms I will think of this post. Love does conquer fear and fear for me only intensifies my symptoms. I try every morning to remind myself of God’s love for us and His purposes when do suffer.
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. “
Romans 5, 3-5
I trying so hard to heal with love during my end of klon tapper but my mind is in such kaos. Its been a fight for survival over the last 5 years of tapering as both my physical and mental health have suffered.(seizures,loss of vision ecc) Ive managed to volunteer at the local library and am now part time employed there. I love being around children and giving back to my community..fighting to end my years of isolation has also been life changing during my journey to end benzos.I should join your work shop for your words are so wise, “ruminating hate destroys and love is setting me free”. much luv to you all!! and hugs xx
Despite popular belief it is definitely possible to feel love and fear at the same time; it’s called brain damage 🙂 For years now I have felt both simultaneously, one does not cancel out the other. Even though I am in a more or less constant state of fear and overwhelm that comes from a damaged brain, it does not mean that I cannot feel other emotions at the same time, including positive ones including love and hope and humor, etc. Separating the brain from the mind is difficult to do, but becomes necessary for those of us who were badly damaged by benzos and are experiencing a protracted, multi-year recovery. Even though my brain is in a near constant fear state, I can still feel positive emotions. I don’t feel them nearly as fully as I would if my brain were healed, but I am still able to feel them.
At times I’ve been in a state of utter pain and terror and overwhelm while simultaneously having fun and very much enjoying the company of others who I love. It’s the weirdest thing. Advanced meditators are probably able to experience both love and fear states simultaneously as well, as they are well trained in separating their mind from their body (or mind from brain in our case) and watching their thoughts rather than reacting to them. Crazy stuff. Anyway, for me, flooding myself with positive thinking and love does not drive away the fear (I’m still very sick and have not reached that level of recovery yet), but it does make everything more bearable!
Hi Dr Jennifer
Passing through 33rd month of withdrawal symptoms I’m still in a bad shape. Don’t know how much time my recovery will take. Very difficult to develop positive thoughts when suffering from severe depression and despair. Your blogs give me a lot of courage since last two years. Thanks
Arvind
I have to agree with “m” on this one. I can definitely feel a range of emotions within minutes of each of them. I have strong, good emotions for my 16 year old grandson but feel relatively nothing for my husband of 47 year, or for God, whom I have/had known for 10 years longer than that. 57 months and still waiting for that reconnection to happen. I am wide open and waiting for that” gift of love” that was/is promised to all who ask for it and believe. I have asked a million times and I DO believe or I wouldn’t be asking. Dealing with existential fear has been the hardest part of this EXTREMELY long, arduous journey. But I will wait…..