I’ve been getting emails.
Recently, I received an email from a benzo buddy asking me if what she had heard was true. “What have you heard?” I asked. Her answer surprised me! There was false information circling in the group she is in about the state of my health. She had heard that I was in a setback and 5 times sicker than I’d ever been. I reassured her that that is nonsense. I am fine. I thought it was an isolated incident and forgot about it. But more emails found their way to me, each one inquiring if I am in a set-back and benzo sick again, or if I am suffering from a laundry list of lingering symptoms. I don’t know where the rumors started, but I am here to put them to rest. I am not in a wave. I am not in a setback. I do not have a laundry list of remaining symptoms, nor am I suffering. Quite the opposite!
Flourishing, thriving, happy, healthy are the words I’d use.
When I think about my life, the best words to describe it are flourishing, thriving, happy, and healthy. I am the best “me” I’ve ever been in all of my sixty-one years! I am at peace with my past, my present, and my future (whatever it may bring). The experience of benzo withdrawal and all the suffering it brought allowed me the opportunity to work the third step of recovery on a very deep and personal level: to give my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand God. From that place of utter surrender and acceptance, God pried away all the hurt, pain, fear, guilt, shame, and blame from me. It wasn’t an easy process and I didn’t like most of it, but I knew, deep down, that it was for my betterment. And of course, it was! I can’t say enough about how grateful I am for this life I now lead. Every day is a new beginning, a new chance to love and to be thankful.
Only a few things linger.
I do not have a laundry list of lingering symptoms. Nor are any of them worrisome or incapacitating. I have mild tingling in my legs and feet at times. Once in a while, I have a sense of disequilibrium or head fullness. It’s not concerning and it certainly doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do. I still have tinnitus, although it is not as loud as it used to be when I first started this journey. I believe that it will go away, in time. I’ll be 8 years benzo free this Sunday, June 23rd, and I know that as more time passes these few and minor symptoms will fade away. MANY PEOPLE HEAL IN A YEAR OR SO. Not everyone has a “protracted” withdrawal. Please don’t assume that you will. And if you are already into protracted territory, know that you’ll heal and get on with your life. Recovery is the outcome for a nervous system damaged from benzodiazepines.
Avoid negativity.
If you are in a group where the focus is on complaining about symptoms, self-pity, doom, and gloom, you may want to find a more positive support group. It’s okay to discuss symptoms and to get reassurance that what you are experiencing is normal for benzo withdrawal, however, it is detrimental to your nervous system if you are steeped in an environment that promotes the idea that you will not heal, or that your life will be ruined, etc. I (and millions of others) am living proof that we can go on to live our BEST. LIFE. EVER.
You are going to get better.
That’s the bottom line. You will get better. Your nervous system will right itself and you’ll be able to handle the “slings and arrows” of life once again. You’ll regain all that you’ve seemingly lost in benzo withdrawal and then some. I am more creative now than I have ever been, perhaps because I am not afraid to take risks anymore. ( After surviving benzo withdrawal, what’s there to fear?) I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore, and to be honest, it’s all small stuff. Life, and all that comes with it, the ups and downs, the joy and sorrow, the love and the pain, is truly an incredible gift! You’ll be more able to see and feel that as your receptors heal. I hope that you keep your heart open and allow this recovery process to make you “bigger” instead of “bitter.” Love is our default position. But we must work on dismantling all the barriers we’ve created to it. Acceptance, gratitude, grace, forgiveness, humility, and service are all ways in which we can turn our hearts towards love and embrace it fully. I hope that you know that you are swaddled in love today and I hope that you feel its warm Presence.
Thank you Jennifer. VERY encouraging post.
Way to go Jen!💪
Dearest Jennifer
I love you❤️
You have spurred my hope again today, Jenn. Thank you.
Thank you Jen
I needed to be reminded. Thank you.
Jenn,Thank you for telling it like it is about what symptoms you still have,even if they are milder and so much better.I am still having symptoms at 5 1/2 years off,and it actually helps to know that others are too,even if milder ones.It is more discouraging for me when I can tell that some people are down playing their protracted symptoms because they are afraid they might scare people.I can deal with things better if I know I am not alone in having some slow to leave symptoms this far out,so I appreciate the honesty about those slow to leave protracted symptoms.Helps me to relax a bit more knowing this is normal.
Dear Jennifer! You are very dear and such a blessing to me. I don’t know what I would have done if I had not found you. I am doing so much better every day. I hold you up and everyone in this group daily in prayer. Congrats on 8 years!! Sending tons of love your way! In the name of YeShua!!
Oh thank goodness. I think it would have broken everyone’s heart to see you have another setback. You are an amazing woman and human being and I pray for your continued healing and happiness in your life. You deserve only the very best in life going forward. I think I can speak for everyone whom you have guided through this journey in our lives, we love you so much Jennifer
Thank you for your kind words. I love you all do very much!
Thank you so much! ❤️
I so resonate with this. I just let my benzo buddies account go. I’m part of a new support group that is amazing. In less than two weeks I have come to a place of deep acceptance and peace. I’m an still tapering benzos but all of life is beautiful again, I’m living in harmony. I decided that every negative message and thought that comes through my mind about benzo wd needed to be rewritten to one of hope and trust in my body’s infinite wisdom to heal itself. In this short time I have become a different person. If I have a symptom I focus on how best to care for myself, and that’s it. I feel like I’m already off the meds. This is my lesson that mindset and epic self care are everything in this process. I went from bedridden and stuck in suffering to living life with joy, ease, and gratitude. Surrender is surprisingly empowering! And choosing a different healing story about this process than the one I absorbed in those groups had made a massive impact. I can hardly believe the hole I was in just a couple weeks ago.
Hi and thank you , I need constant reassurance I’ll recover because my sx are so very cruel and relentless leads be to think it’s not recovery and I’ll never get better , my last benzo was May 23 , 2017 so today or yesterday was 25 months, bless you for your encouragement
Jen amen to God healing whatever it was in our lives that needed it..I also ,as many others know this to be true..no more fear ….this was fear in the raw!!! We’re on the other side now of new beginnings. We’re healing every day!! Thank God!!! Thx for all your honesty and reassurance!! I don’t know how I could of done this alone!! I couldn’t of!!! Thx❤️
Janelle, may I ask what your new benzo support group is?
I’m needing to hang in some new groups.
Hi Carol,
I’m part of the Vital Life Project led by Dr. Kelly Brogan, a holistic psychiatrist. It’s a program of reclaiming our wellness and doing it in smaller steps than her more intensive program, the Vital Mind Reset, which is also outlined in her book “A Mind of a Your Own”. It’s currently not open for new sign ups, but there is a waiting list if you’re interested, it’s a monthly subscription based thing. Her program is saving my life and the community that you get access to is really special. I’m not sure when it will open again it just started this month. You might want to check her out first it can be a bit radical for some, google is blocking her and other sites from showing up just for having information that doesn’t support vaccinations so I would her Joe Rogan interview on YouTube…
Why are you lying? We can all see your posts on Benzobuddies and you claimed to be in a massive acute like setback.
I had a setback at six years off. I’ve never lied about it. I blogged about it and have been upfront about it. I’ve always been honest about my symptoms. Lying wouldn’t serve any purpose. I’ve not posted on benzo buddies in two years. I don’t visit that forum anymore, so I’m not sure whose posts you are reading and thinking that they are mine.