“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

Okay, let me get this straight. God, you’re invisible, so I have to rely on faith that you even exist. You want me to abandon my logic and reason and rely on yours when I can’t see you, feel you, or hear you. Come on God. In this day in age, don’t you think that’s asking a lot? I mean, we aren’t a superstitious lot anymore. We’ve got science and progress. We’ve got smartphones for heaven’s sake. Siri answers questions. Why don’t you?

Have you ever been frustrated with God like that? I know I am, fairly often, too.

I can’t see God, but I can see His handiwork. I sit in my garden and look at all of the magnificent colors. A dozen different varieties of bees bob about the blossoms. Birds sing entire symphonies from their phone line perches. The breeze brushes past my face and I feel peace all of the way down into my bones. In my garden, it’s easy for me to believe that God is the creator and ruler of everything.

When I listen to the deepest part of my consciousness, I hear God talking to me. His voice is inside of me. When I listen to others, I hear Him communicating to me through them. Every time my dog looks up at me with his soulful brown eyes, I hear God remind me of how much love is in the world.

I sometimes struggle with my faith, that is true. I’m only human. But I know that when I let go, and I let God, even when I am unsure about God, my life is better than when I rely on my own understanding. On my own I always ended up in front of a red wine bottle at 5 P.M. My own understanding always had me in the victim role. My own understanding had me hating others. When I give God the reigns to my life, I don’t drink. I am powerful and of service to others. I am forgiving and loving.

With God, I can do all of the things I really want to to. I can be the person I always dreamed I could be. On the days I am frustrated with God, I pray for help. “Help me help you help me,” and do you know what? He always does! He sends me another drunk or addict to work with. Or, He sends me a sense of peace and calm. He rests His hands on my shoulder and I can feel His love all around me. I give thanks that He allows me to express my fears and frustrations. He knows that I am only human.