For many months I’d watch the clock on the wall read eleven then twelve…one…two…three…four…five. Finally, as the little hand crept towards six a.m., I’d drift off to sleep. If I were lucky, I’d sleep for four hours. But more likely I’d wake up after two or three hours. I survived on little sleep for a long time. Once my bedtime corrected itself to a more normal hour, I suffered from waking up every forty-five to ninety minutes, usually in a state of panic or terror, struggling to breathe and engulfed in pain, tingling or burning. Awake and suffering through the dark hours that everyone else was enjoying in dreamland, I moved through my life like a zombie. I was sure that I would never sleep normally again; I was permanently ruined. Fortunately, like most of my fears of lifelong damage, it wasn’t true. My sleep finally corrected itself.
Insomnia is a classic benzo withdrawal symptom (If you’ve avoided it, count yourself lucky!). No matter how hard we try to fall asleep, or to stay asleep, we can’t make it happen. And that is part of the problem. We try too hard! We worry about sleeping, and that creates an even more “sleep adverse” emotional state. Like all benzo withdrawal symptoms, insomnia is best dealt with by practicing acceptance. The less we worry about it, the better our chances of relaxing and (hopefully) falling asleep and staying asleep.
Benzos downregulate GABA receptors, which means we don’t have the hardware to “calm down.” Until our receptors repair themselves (and they will), we have difficulty relaxing our thoughts and bodies. We have a hard time falling/staying asleep. Once we are more healed, our ability to relax in thought and body, and to sleep, returns.
Many people try supplements or other drugs to help them sleep in benzo withdrawal. Melatonin, an over-the-counter remedy helps some people greet the Sandman. It’s usually chosen because it is a naturally occurring substance in the body. However, we have to keep in mind that melatonin is a hormone. In some countries, it can only be obtained with a prescription. (Just because something is labeled as “natural” doesn’t mean that it is without consequences.) I tried melatonin and had a bad reaction to it, while others take it and find it helpful. You’ll have to do your research about its action in the brain/body and experiment with it to see if it helps you.
Some people find that an over-the-counter or prescription strength antihistamine helps them to sleep, while others turn to sedating psych meds. Remeron, Trazadone, Seroquel, Lunesta, Ambien, Elavil, and other drugs have been prescribed to people in benzo withdrawal for relief from insomnia. All psych meds (and the “Z-drug” sleeping pills) remodel the brain and may have a withdrawal syndrome. I tried Elavil for a few days, and Remeron as well, and I am so glad that I didn’t take them for more than a few days. (Both made me feel awful and neither helped me stay asleep for more than two hours.) It is, in my humble opinion, better to find other ways to sleep than to take more psych meds. Remember, we are suffering in benzo withdrawal because of a psych med!
I know how hard it may be to face the day when you’ve not slept well. I know what it is like to stare into the long dark hours of the night for weeks and months on end. It can be demoralizing and create a lot of fear that we are never going to get well and be “normal” again. We have to hold onto the knowledge that other people suffered from insomnia in benzo withdrawal, and they eventually were able to sleep. We will too, in time. We can cope better with insomnia if we let go of our expectations of sleep and live courageously in the “unknown.” We can’t control most of life and to let go and accept the mystery of each unfolding day and night is empowering. It can help us worry less and embrace life on life’s terms.
Most of the things I worried about or feared in benzo withdrawal never came to pass. I recovered, eventually, and life went on. Not only am I in a better place emotionally than I was pre-benzos, but my sleep is also better. Benzos change the architecture of sleep. For close to eighteen years, my sleep had not been what it should have been, no matter how many hours I snoozed. Now benzo free and (mostly) healed from the damage the drug caused, my sleep is more restorative, and my dreams are vivid and beautiful. I wake up ready to face the start of a new day. At night, I eagerly slide between my linen sheets to fall into a luscious slumber.
Make peace with your insomnia. Don’t let it worry you. It will get better. Do your best to fill the long hours of your nights with something that distracts you. I read, watched movies, played video and word games, and wrote in my journal. Sometimes, I laid in the dark and closed my eyes and rested as best as I could. I’m not saying that it was an easy time in my life. It wasn’t. It was hard. But like all the other challenges in benzo withdrawal, it passed. And the crazy thing? I’m a much better person for having traveled the rough and rugged road of benzo withdrawal. I’ve got coping skill for all of life’s hardships and heartaches that I never had before. You will too, once you are more healed.
Hi Jen,Its nice to hear that your sleep is better now.I am 27 months free with7 months failed taper.My sleep is not at all restorative.Some nights I sleep 8 hours but wakeup not rest full.and every night crazy vivid dreams some night nightmares.Is it normal to sleep 7-8 hours but wakeup completely unrefreshed.I sleep 6-7 hours almost every night but not a restorative sleep.I am very concerned now.Any suggestion plz.Is it normal that non rest full sleep.
Regard,
A struggler
Hi jen,your post really gives me hope.I was a heavy benzo user for 8 years.I am benzo free for 27 months with 7 months failed taper.I am actually almost a cold turkey.At this point all my symptoms are lessens day by day.I didn’t get any window or eave thing just gradual reduction.But I struggling with sleep.Almost for last 2 years crazy vivid dreams some nights nightmares unrestfull sleep.I felt that I didn’t sleep.Unrefresheing.The severity of nightmares I think very very slowly diminishing. I am really concerned about non refreshed sleep everyday.Need some advice plz.My crushing anxiety ,fear are gradually fading though.But poor sleep haunts me.
Regard,
Sam
Soory Jen I mistakenly post my comment twice.Plz,ignore the one names struggler.Consider the one named Sam.Sorry.
Regards.
Sam
I don’t comment regularly on here, but when I do I believe I provide valuable insight. Insomnia is a classic benzo withdrawal symptom and it’s one of the main reasons people get put on a benzo to begin with. YOUR insomnia will reoccur when you are taken off this drug unless you make some key changes in your life. The two most common reasons people can’t sleep at night are money worries and job worries. So before you taper off you have to make some productive changes so that your insomnia doesn’t overwhelm you.
If you hate your job or profession, change it! Life is too short to be doing something we don’t enjoy and which hurts our health. Think about what type of work you would enjoy and pursue it! If you are overwhelmed with bills and debts, go see a bankruptcy attorney and explore the possibility of filing a Chapter 7. If this is not a possibility, then you must examine the way you live and reduce expenses. In my career, I have seen how overspending creates stress and health issues. So examine these issues before a taper to ensure a smooth transition.
Of course making a lifestyle change is helpful, but let’s remember that there are many reasons people suffer from insomnia. Not all of them are related to stress from work or money woes. We don’t want to overlook or minimize the other causes.
I don’t have insomnia anymore.What I have is unrefreshed sleep.I sleep for seven hours stil unrefreshed with lot of dreams.Is these unrefreshed sleep will ever go away?Will sweet sleep return?
Regards,
Sam
To Sam:
Have your doctor prescribe a sleep study. You may have a common condition known as sleep apnea. Probably not related to your benzo use.
I talked with the doc already.After hearing everything and my symptoms he ruled out that sleep apnea .He is a sleep Doc.
Sam
Anonymous,
In all due respect, although you may believe you offer valuable insight I think you’ve completely missed the point here. Benzo withdrawal induced insomnia is not related whatsoever to a thought process or lifestyle choice nor would I encourage further medical testing which can only confuse an already stressful situation. I suffer from withdrawal induced insomnia and I can garuntee its cause is not related to my financial situation or work stressors, it is, unfortunately, another symptom that I will have to endure until my central nervous system repairs itself.
Renae,
You have violated two of the policies outlined by Dr. Leigh:
3. Don’t argue with others
5. No name calling or attacking
If you fail to meet these guidelines, or in any other way upset other readers, you will be banned from commenting.
She wasn’t arguing or name calling. She stated her opinion very respectfully
I agree with you, Renae, AND Jennifer.
Anonymous,
I’m truly sorry if you felt that I Attacked or argued with you, that was not my intention. I was only attempting to point out that you appeared to be doing what many doctors and therapists do which is to minimise benzo withdrawal symptoms to be caused by a mind set or life style choices, this couldn’t be further from the truth. MANY people in withdrawal don’t even have the luxury to be able to work myself included and my financial situation, although not fabulous is the last thing on my mind, in fact I would give up every last dollar I have to have never experienced this. To suggest that people change profession or consider bankruptcy to cure their insomnia is dangerous advice- would these life changes also cure my eye floaters, hair loss and tinnitus? I’m sorry but we not only have to be mindful of our responses to peoples comments but also of the advice we give out. Imagine someone quit their job and declared bankruptcy hoping for a good nights sleep, believe me there are people desperate enough to do this. I’m sorry if you took offence, I just wanted to let people reading the comments know recovery is just not that simple and it’s not our ability to not “stress” about things that’s causing our ongoing hell.
Renae, could not have said it any better. You are right on, especially about giving up every dollar. Money has meant nothing to me for 3 years now.
Just wanted to help/add to Renae’s words. I lost the ability to read, write,and talk for an entire year, hallucinated straight for 30 months, slept an average of 90 minutes per night for 16 months straight and have almost died more times than I can mention. I have sold everything I own, publicly raised money online and have literally nothing to my name. None of this is circumstantial at the core and is everything withdrawal based in my absolute personal experience. It’s hard for me to physically write at the moment. But I’m doing so because more people need to understand that there are many out there suffering immensely whom can’t leave this comment… And on behalf of them I’m doing so while I have the chance, before pressing forward through the rest of my taper. Poor circumstances can absolutely worsen the process of tapering, and they have for me in the worst ways…but again, at the core… It is the withdrawing and tapering off these meds itself that have caused my suffering and stolen my life from me. If you do not understand nor relate to the words I have written here, please consider yourself one of the most blessed benzo withdrawalers.
Also, it is very difficult to convey emotions correctly through words… So please understand that my words are not in anyway shape or form meant to be argumentative nor demeaning, only eye-opening and hopefully helpful to others who do relate (which I honestly pray is no one).
I’m praying for everyone daily
And I truly mean that. I hope you will keep me in yours. Thank you
Thank you Jennifer for all of your words and posts.
-Tom
Right on, Tom. Thanks!
Insomnia is my worst symptom in withdrawal, but I am only 6 weeks out. How long can I cope sith only 1 hour sleep every night? I am against taking other medication for drugs but will I ever heal? And be my normal self again. I aged 10 years in six weeks.
Yes, you will heal. In time. You’ll be better than your normal self!
Facing worst scary symptoms like insomnia, head pressure, tingling , fear and anxiety……I am 12 months Benzo off now but my average sleep is three to four hours only…feeling fearful and discouraged 24×7. Will I ever be normal ?
Yes. In time. Your symptoms will fade away as your brain repairs itself. Hold on. Better days are ahead.