Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy celebrating Christmas and my birthday. But there is one day of the year far more special than the two of them combined: June 23. That was the day I was benzo-free after 18 years on Clonazepam. I swallowed my last dose on June 22, 2011. Today I celebrate TEN YEARS BENZO FREE!
It’s been a wild but (ultimately) wonderful ride. After my cold turkey (please taper, don’t jump off!), my symptoms were unbearable. If you look at the timeline of my blog posts, you’ll see there was a ten-month gap when I didn’t post anything. I was in survival mode. I didn’t know if I’d make it or not. I spent time in and out of the hospital, barraged by doctors with bad advice about my condition. So few are educated about the benzodiazepine injury syndrome. Somehow, I held on, and the days and months, and years passed by. Slowly, I healed. And then, at three years off, I had my first setback. Again, I slowly recovered. Another setback at six years out almost destroyed me emotionally. I mean, how much suffering can a person endure? But endure I did. And the healing continued, slowly but surely.
At eight years off, I was given the gift of the secret to health and wellness, the key to unlocking the mystery of healing. At the time, I didn’t realize the power of it, the enormity of this gift, but I do now. I’ll share it (the four cornerstones) here with you as part of the top three things I’ve learned on my healing journey of being benzo-free. I hope it helps you to unlock your powerhouse of healing.
Strong! I’ve learned that I am so much stronger than I ever thought. I was put on a benzo for (severe) anxiety and panic attacks, but now that I’ve healed from the damage the benzo caused, I’m not anxious or panicky. I’ve weathered one of the most horrific medical crises, benzo withdrawal. I got through it, one day at a time. Now, I don’t need a benzodiazepine or any other drug to help me manage my emotions. I discovered I’m far more resilient than I knew.
The Four Cornerstones. The first cornerstone is “Eat Right.” June 3, 2019, I woke up and immediately heard the words in my heart and soul, “You’re done eating animals.” Fear coursed through me. What did that mean for my life?” I took pride in my roast chicken and beef stews. People loved my home-cooked meals! Was I to become one of those crazy vegans? Well, yes and no. So here’s the thing. Whatever that voice was (I call it God), it gave me one of the greatest secrets to healing. Within two weeks of going plant-based, my lingering nerve pain, dizziness, and tingles stopped. My chronic life-long digestive problem mysteriously vanished. (That was *amazing!*) I did become vegan but discovered that vegans aren’t crazy after all. They understand a great truth that the rest of the world is slowly waking up to: plants heal. (There’s more to the vegan story, but for our intent and purpose of recovering from benzo withdrawal, that’s enough to focus on.)
The second cornerstone is move enough. We need to move our bodies. Not too much, as that can ramp up our withdrawal symptoms, but enough to help metabolize stress hormones and keep us limber and maintain some muscle tone.
The third cornerstone is stress less. For me, the polyvagal theory is the star of stressing less! I teach polyvagal theory to my clients and my support group because it helps us understand our nervous system’s hierarchy, dorsal vagal, sympathetic, and ventral vagal responses. Along with creating a calm environment, avoiding toxic people and relationships, the knowledge of polyvagal theory helps us navigate our lives more healthily.
The fourth cornerstone is love well. When we practice compassion, forgiveness, patience, acceptance, gratitude, and perform service to others, we create more neuronal networks to a part of our brain (ventromedial prefrontal cortex) that allows us to think, feel, and behave in the healthiest ways.
The three G’s. These little gems are the jewels that shine in my happiness crown: gratitude, give, and gentle. Every day, I look for things for which I am grateful. It helps crowd out the negative voices in my head that like to remind me of disturbing things. Gratitude continues to grow my heart and soul. When I give to others, I give myself a boost of healing energy. It feels so good! When I am gentle with myself and the world around me, peace curls up in my heart and rests there, warm and cozy.
Ive learned I’m strong. I’ve learned to live the four cornerstones for health and happiness. And I’ve learned the light and love of the three G’s. I am by far, the best version of myself I’ve ever been! Looking back over this last decade, I feel proud and humble. I survived an iatrogenic nightmare injury. I survived and went on to thrive! You will, too.
Consider embracing the four cornerstones: eat right, move enough, stress less, and love well. They are the secret keys to health and happiness. Do your best to be grateful, to give to others and yourself, and to be gentle with others and yourself. And never, ever, forget, that you are strong beyond measure.
From my heart to yours,
Dr. Jenn
A million congrats!! You’ve been a champion for this cause. I can’t imagine where I’d be had i never found this site. This gives me so much hope for the future!
Hi Dr Jenn – I’ve missed your blogs and am very glad to see you are back – healthy, happy and enjoying life. I am about 6 weeks into my 4th setback in as many years since the anniversary of my last dose. This one has been intense from a physical standpoint. A lot of gastro issues, terrible insomnia and just an overall feeling being sick. I have had a great deal of stress this past year between the pandemic and my sister-in-law being diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. I am looking forward to using your great suggestions and not letting this setback get the best of me again. You are a real gift and thank you for being here for those of us who are still fighting for good health caused by these horrific drugs. I know we will all heal.
I am sorry to hear about your setback, stressors, and your sister’s dementia. One thing you can do for yourself is to work on healing your gut. The book, Fiber Fueled is a great guide to healing the gut and the blood brain barrier. I can’t learn fast enough from the author, Dr. B.
I’m in the process of becoming a registered holistic nutritional practitioner and gut/brain health is my #1 focus.
Keep healing.
Keep healing! We really do get well.
Dear Dr. Jenn, A most heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS to you. More importantly, BRAVO!! as you not only survived the horrific journey out of Benzo hell, but used it to help ease and navigate suffering for others. There’s no better resource than all your very hard work.. the blogs, books, groups, videos and phone sessions. I prayed for help, and then I found you. Thank you 😊
You Are So Loved. My Voice for A Long Time When I Could not Think or Speak. 10 Years. A Battle For The Soul. I Know It Is Difficult to Be Hounded and Asked The Same Symptom Focused Questions Again And Again. You Have Always Done it With Grace and Kindness. God Do We Need You in This Epic Medical Disaster. 10 Years. An Amazing Woman. Congratulations.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I know the devastation of benzo withdrawal. It’s in my soul to help others so they can get through it safely. I’m studying nutrition and doing a deep dive into gut health with a leading expert— I’m hoping to learn something that will help expedite healing for benzo injured people. Fingers crossed.
Be well, my friend.
Thank you so much for your sweet words. I’m glad my work is helpful. I suffered so cruelly, I couldn’t walk away and let others go through it alone. Blessings to you, friend.
Sorry to hear of your setback. It will pass. Keep going. You’ve got this! One day at a time. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words. Keep healing— the future is glorious! We do heal. ❤️
Congratulations Doctor Jenn. I’m so honored to be working with you; and equally proud of your achievement!
Thank you so much! keep healing my friend. You’re doing a great job.
Apparently, a great majority of people, after recovering from a benzo injury, are not able to stick around in the benzo community. They feel the need (understandably) to move on with their lives and not revisit the horror of their suffering. Jenn, your willingness and ability to remain here with us is a testament to your deeply caring soul, and to the strength of your recovery. I can’t express how grateful I am to have you on my side through this hideous ordeal. Sincerely, Jeff Stoffel
Jeff, my dear friend, your kind words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. So much. I have often wanted to go my own way, to put Benzo Withdrawal behind me, but there are too many suffering people. I feel compelled to help. I know too much about healing to keep it from even one person. I am now enrolled in two studies, a 7 week deep dive into the gut microbiome, and classes leading me to becoming a registered holistic nutritional practitioner (RHNP). I want to learn EVERYTHING that I can about how the body/brain/nervous system heals and share it with everyone. I’m also working on my book for the benzo community. I want to look back on my life and know that I did my best to make it a better place. Keep healing. Keep healing. Keep healing.
Sorry, I forgot to say Congratulations!
I’d like to participate but need help in getting started. Near day’s end my mind gets challenged. Do I need more time to heal before I can participate? Or connect with you early in the day?
Dee