Yesterday went from bad to worse in a hot hurry. By the early afternoon I ached from head to toe and began shaking. I was weak as a kitten. By the late afternoon I had a fever that climbed upwards to 102. The body pain, head pressure and tingles/bee stings were almost unbearable.
I have the flu, and it is triggering wd sx. Not fun.
I called my MD friend. I sobbed to him that I was in unbearable pain. He insisted I take some Tylenol. I haven’t taken a pill in years. I’m not a fan anymore of pills, as you can imagine. I researched what medicines you can take in wd and found this list: http://www.bcnc.org.uk/drugs.html Over the counter pain meds do work slightly on GABA it seems, but Tylenol wasn’t listed.
The list says that caffeine doesn’t work on GABA but I thought I read somewhere that it does. (Matt told me he felt his caffeine intake was a large reason he had a return of sx.)
I did take some Tylenol and within 30 minutes I felt better. My fever broke at some point in the night too. I am in bed, but not in horrible pain. For that, I am grateful.
Now some info on comments made here to the blog.
WordPress usually sends me an email to let me know a comment has been made. But sometimes I either don’t get the email or I miss them. Whatever is happening translates that I sometimes don’t see your comments until hours or days even, after they are posted. I do my best to reply to people as soon as I can, when I feel a reply is needed.
If you leave a comment, and you want a response from our group, please say so in your comment. Let us know you are reaching out for help. I know this isn’t a forum per se, but we are a caring community and we try to help each other.
If I haven’t responded in a timely manner, drop me an email. Or if you have my phone number, call me. Please don’t sit in silence and feel bad. I know ALL TOO WELL how fragile we are in the throes of wd, and how much comfort and reassurance we need and need ASAP.
You may want to enroll at benzobuddies.org or one of the Facebook groups too for more support.
I am going to stay in bed and watch movies today. I am a pro at bed rest after years of wd. I know in a few days I will be back to my new normal and out in the world. I just have to practice patience, which is another skill I have honed these past few years.
Hold on everyone. Healing is happening.
Jenn
Sometimes the flu-like pains are actually the flu, and it does rev up sx or cause some to return temporarily. I had the flu a few weeks ago and, at the onset, I thought it was some sort of wave (from the body aches and malaise). I quickly found out otherwise. It did cause an absolutely horrid type of continuous sciatica down my legs for 48 hours. I’ve never felt sciatica so prolonged or intense. I suspect that was withdrawal-related in some way.
As an aside, I have noticed that, in the past couple months, many of the aches and pains of the past 15 years were not arthritis (as I thought) but were caused by the Klonopin and its withdrawal. So, physically, I am still being “fine-tuned.” I love it. I’m going to be out there playing softball this spring for sure (at least in an old guys’ league if not with the young guys). That is one of my major hopes for myself. I lived for baseball as a kid.
Also, I need to reiterate what you have said, Jennifer, about answering replies. Sometimes, for whatever reason, I don’t see replies either because I don’t get them or I don’t “find” them. (I’m still a newbie at blogging and navigating the “platform” – or whatever the right term is.) I spend some time each day at the Benzo Psych Med and Withdrawal Group (an FB forum). URL below. Anyone can message me there or send me an email if I miss your post.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/benzogroup/
Don
Hello Maidenpa,
Oh my gosh. I have thought my arthritis was getting worse. Feel like I’m 90 not 70. The last time that happened I was on cholesterol meds and ended up in the dr. office crying it hurt so much. She took me off the statins and I felt good after that.
Now that I’m in w/d I am so stiff some days and absolutely no pain or stiffness the next day. It does not make sense if it’s arthritis. I think I read somewhere that Klonopin is a muscle relaxant. What do you think? Since you have arthritis and sciatica.
Love your posts
Janice.
Hi Dr. Jenn. Just found this site a few days ago and it feels like a good place to be. I’m 12 months into a 15 month taper from Ativan and Clonazapam x 30 years, Dr. prescribed, never abused….long story but now I know I’m not alone. I’ve been avoiding my psychiatrist lately- too sick to go out and not sure what to say as she knows as little about benzo withdrawal as everyone else. I’d like to find out if d/c Ativan the day the taper started (1mgm. T.I.D.) replaced with Valium 80mgm./day then d/cing Clonazepam 1-2?mgm. T.I.D. two weeks later would be considered cold-turkey from the original 2 benzos? Dr. prescribed it that way but I’m wondering if that’s what’s causing severe w/d symptoms. Too confused to use forum so hope this works. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Janice. At our age, it would not be unusual to have some arthritis, but I am certain that most of mine (except for ankles that I broke when I was young) was from Klonopin and the w/d from it. It would “come and go” just as you describe. One thing that is very apparent to me is that, for years, I could not tuck the sheet in at the bottom of the bed at night because the slight pressure caused horrible pain in my feet. Now, it’s not a problem.
I was on simvastatin for about a year before w/d, and it caused lots of arthritis-like pain. I got off of it years ago when I went into w/d.
I think nearly all man-made meds have some sort of unwanted effect on the body. (Some are noticeable – some not.) They aren’t natural so the body has to adapt and adjust to them in order to tolerate them.
I use Tylenol pretty regularly and in my opinion, it doesn’t interfere notably with withdrawal. Over my 4 years+ of being med-free, I was at times in so much physical pain that I had to resort to taking a few pills of stronger meds like codein or Tramadol, albeit reluctantly. If used very occasionally, there should be no major problems, in my opinion. Of course, everyone is different and should proceed with extreme caution.
My mental symptoms (depression,anxiety, crying spells, derealization/depersonalization) are now a distant memory, I would say they were behind me at the 1.5-year mark, but I still struggle with major physical issues ( bone pain and migraines mainly). This “bone pain” is hard to describe, but I think Jenn experiences something similar, if not identical. The pain and the often accompanying burning sensation seems to emanate from the surface of the bone ; Many of my bones can be potentially affected, e.g, the ribs, the pelvis, the vertebrae, the metatarsal bones,even the hyoid bone! Sometimes, the pain zones are transient and last “only” a few weeks, other times they linger for months and months. The area affected is usually small, but the pain can be very intense and radiating, totally debilitating. Too much exertion, even in a cumulative way, seems to be a major triggering factor. The pain-killers I’ve cited are not very efficacious, I use them rather for migraine headaches, which I had not prior to my 8-year use of psych drugs and the ensuing detox.
At one time, I also suffered from a stubborn case of sciatica, which was unrelated to any herniated disc or whatever anatomical damage.
Fasciculations/muscle spasms are an other weird symptom I still suffer from randomly at times.
All those symptoms are clearly a sign of neurological damage or at least distress, fortunately not affecting the motor functions.
A few years ago, as I was in acute w/d, I went through a thorough medical examination including MRI-scan, blood work, ECG, and visits to various specialists, nothing organic could be detected ; well, at least not at with the current sensitivity of these diagnostic tools. All my serious and debilitating symptoms emerged after a few years on the psych drugs and were compounded by the w/d. I have about 7 failed w/d attempt under my belt, I had no clue the symptoms could be so excruciating and long-lasting, and the shrink neither (sigh). I was mainly on Paxil, but after about 5 years, entered the med-merry-go-round initiated by the dreaded “poop-out” phenomenon. I was then exposed to a laundry list of devastating poisons thereafter (sigh). The zenith point of my psychotropic career ( I’m very ironic there) was a 4-week hospitalization ; I really thought they were going to kill me under an avalanche of benzos and Abilify… Finally, my survival instinct and peer-to-peer better late than never information gathered on the Internet enabled me to break free and take a first step on a recovery path.
In my opinion, as far as I’m concerned, my CNS/PNS will still remain overly sensitive for a long time from now. No idea, how long. I tend to become wiser and learn from my various setbacks, so I now know that treating myself gently and sticking to a kind of slow-paced life is crucial for my recovery and the avoidance of flare-ups. Easier said than done, because when i feel better, I feel compelled to catch up with the “lost/wasted” time. I’m 37 and a med-school drop-out (how ironic) and moved back in with my parents…
Jenn, how are you feeling today? Any improvements? I sat up in the kitchen (w/my feet up on a chair-I can’t stand to sit w/them down!) for almost 20 minutes last evening. I talked w/my husband about his day (as he cooked dinner) & didn’t mention me or wd stuff once! This was a MAJOR event for us! He still had to bring me dinner in bed, we still spent the rest of the evening apart & spent the night in our respective beds (he needs to sleep & I rarely ever sleep), but that 20 minutes was so wonderful! I know you can understand how such a mundane thing can be so important to me-I haven’t been out of bed for that long (other than the monthly doctor/pharmacy visits that are the equivalent of summitting Everest!) in nearly 2 years! I don’t want to commit yet, but I’m hoping for a shower tomorrow. Baby steps! I really hope you’re feeling some relief soon.
I am sick as shit. Day four of fever, aches, pains, coughing, sore throat etc. My wd sx have been revved up as well. This is SO not fun. I am feeling very sorry for myself. I live alone and gutted out withdrawal on my own and now gutting this out alone. I ran out of prepared food and too weak to go in the kitchen to cook. It brings back so many memories of wd, memories I would like to forget forever. The months of being bedridden, too weak to stand up. I had put most of it behind me, but it sure comes rushing back now.
I see a doctor at a local after hours clinic today at five to make sure the infection isn’t going into my lungs or brain. I dread interacting with a doctor. I don’t trust them very much anymore. I was treated so badly by so many of them in wd, I lost my faith in western medicine. I am upset that I have a condition that I feel warrants seeing one. Oh well.
Thanks for asking about me. Sorry I am not very positive. I am tired of being sick. It’s one thing to get the flu, its quite another to get this sick after YEARS of illness and the hope it was behind you. I woke up this morning with a 101 fever and I said, “Really God? You’re shitting me, right?” Apparently not.
Hang in there everyone. I will too. This too shall pass. I just hope it does so quickly.
Annie
I was so self focused I forgot to say WAY TO GO for your 20 minutes with your hubby. Baby steps work really well. One after the other. It will keep getting better. I promise. You are doing great.
Hope you are feeling better, Jenn. I know how hard it is to be thrown backwards. And even without the rest of it, the flu can bring any of us to our knees. For me its weird, whenever I am sick its like there is something else to focus on and all my anxiety and emotional hells subside. The moment I feel better, there it is- trying to make up for lost time. I am having one of my usual anxious moments- not as bad as it used to be. I think this is just me now- and its hard to accept, but I am trying. I seem to have slipped into a habit of summoning up fearful thoughts to fill up any quiet spaces in my life. If I am not fully distracted by some project or conversation, the ol fearful irrationality settles in. Sometimes I feel like an alcoholic- and anxiety is this drink I can’t seem to keep from seeking out, even though I know its a bad road.
I hope this day finds you one step closer to recovery from the virus, and on to better things.
Susan
Thank you Dr. Jenn! I totally understand the self-absorption!! It’s so hard not to be in this nightmare. Your words of encouragement are a shining light for me & much appreciated. I hope you’re feeling better again.
Annie
I hope your dr visit went OK. I’m an RN & was treated so horribly by docs that I no longer believe in western medicine or drugs either. It must be just awful for you being ill, in wd & alone. My husband is gone about 14 hours/day, 6 days/week, but @ least I have him! If not for him bringing me meals in bed, I don’t think I’d be able to get anything to eat. I haven’t been in the kitchen for so long I have no idea what’s in there. I really feel for you & I hope you can shake this illness quickly. It seems that most people say their baseline gets a bit better after a flare like yours-probably no help to you @ the moment, but maybe soon. If I could I’d bring you some soup.
Janice, Don left you a comment, but it wasn’t nested so you might want to check back. And yes, Klonopin can be used as a muscle relaxant so it makes sense that we have all kinds of aches and pains in w/d. My doctor swears all that stuff goes away – eventually.
Don, my question for you is what is left (post w/d) in terms of what you had before. I never had this weird “boaty” sensation before, but I have it now. Did you have that? And did it eventually go away, too? It’s just so hard to believe that all these weird sx will eventually disappear.
Hi Dr. Jenn:
I remember watching Brian Baxter on YouTube when he discussed how sucky it is to be sick while in protracted withdrawal. It doesn’t seem fair. Please continue to take care of yourself – and remember, the flu sucks for anyone who has the flu. We just feel illness more acutely because of our sensitive systems. I’m thinking of you and hoping that the worst has passed at this point.
When you say that your sx flare when you are ill, can you explain that a little? Do you mean old issues that you thought were resolved return? Or does it mean that current sx get more intense? I’m trying to understand.
Thinking of you and hope you’re feeling better, Dr. Jenn. ((hugs))
Dr Jenn,
Thank you for having this web site. I am in my 3rd week of cold turkey and would have Ben in the hospital if I hadn’t found your site and been educated about what was happening to me. I am so scared of the length of time this is going to take. I am the sole caretaker and $ earner for myself and sick boyfriend. I have to take care of him through this w/d. I hurt so bad, can’t imagine what you must feel like. I wish the best for you.
At least you have a god.