Benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms can be challenging. (Understatement, I know!) One of the symptoms that people ask about is the sense that they are living detached from others. They are stuck in their own thoughts and feelings. I used to feel as if I lived behind a veil that I always wanted to lift. I wanted to be able to go from one activity to the next without the hyper-awareness of my thoughts and actions. I wanted life to feel fluid again. We call the sense of isolation and detachment the “benzo bubble.” I wanted to pierce the veil, or rather, burst the bubble, and be a part of the world again. Living in the benzo bubble caused me to feel intense jealousy.
I’d watch people walk by my garden. They’d smile and wave. I’d return their cheeriness, but all the time, my heart would ache. I was jealous that they were living in a world where they weren’t tormented by their thoughts, feelings, or their body. I’d see couples holding hands, and my heart would break. I was jealous of anyone who could feel love. My brain was only capable of feeling either negative emotions or a chasm of darkness. I was stuck living with the constant chatter in my head about everything I thought, felt, or did. It that was exhausting. I was jealous of everyone out living their lives without the mental gymnastics I had to go through minute by minute.
There isn’t much we can do about the benzo bubble other than to realize what it is and to know that one day, it will burst on its own and we will emerge from its confines. We don’t stay in the benzo bubble forever. I am no longer jealous of anyone. The incessant chatter is silent. I go from one activity to the next effortlessly and easily. I’m not hyper-vigilant. I’m not aware of my being aware. I’m no longer in the benzo bubble. I’ve burrowed down into the lusciousness of life. You will too, in time.
Hi Jen, You describe the bubble so well, I am trying to burst mine everyday. I managed to get into my garden yesterday and feed the birds. This is huge for me as I have been bedridden since forced c/t.
You keep me going forward on my journey!
Much love an affection
Jackie
Edinburgh
I hate the benzo bubble!
Jennifer, thank you for another great and supportive post. My veil has turned into a tarp. I am into day four since I stopped the taper and haven’t taken the clonazepam. All the effects have taken a jump up, but I am off and healing! I can relate to your description of the bubble and I look forward to when it bursts! Dan
Who doesn’t?!?!?!?
You inspire me to hang on.I am having lots of trouble with this.I have been doing tapping with Dede and i now go to the Dog park with my husband,and for a long time i would just walk out side the chain link and look in.Watch the dogs and the people.The other day I did some tapping before we went and in the car and i went IN the dog park.I hid behind my camera taking shots of people’s dogs,having a ball.I then had enough guts to ask the people for their phone numbers to text some pictures I took of their beloved dogs to send them to them.,So…One day at a time.Still really hard to look people in the eye and i still really love my sun glasses!!!Thanks Jennifer!!!
Yes I can so relate to this. The jealousy of health and ease. This feels like forever and I am not even in the worst of it and off the medicstions yet. It feels endless like I will never be me again. My symptoms were so severe I needed to add other medicstions. I can relate to both of your posts bc I worry there is something else going on. On BB or other places I don’t quite hear my symptoms. This is a truly truly god awful process I am sorry. Thanks for spreading hope.
I’m curious how you personally knew you were out of the benzo bubble. I often wonder when I will be able to declare freedom when waves seem to arrive after months of stability.
I realized I wasn’t so preoccupied with my own thoughts. I was able to be around others and enjoy myself. I stopped watching every thought, feeling, and action I had or did. I didn’t wake up one morning and everything was lifted. It was a slow realization that I was becoming more and more normal.
I went to see my doctor and my withdrawal symptoms have become so horrible he had me reinstate. I plan on seeing a Psych dr. and discuss it with her/him. The search goes on.
The jealously is inhumane. , I am jealous of everyone from people in the street to people on Facebook to my father going on holidays , everything , it’s so exhausting , I hate that I’m no longer part of the human race and yes my symptons were getting so bad I’ve upped my dose , but my head is so negative I don’t think anything will work at this stage
And seeing people complain and sook about the most mundane things , imagine if half the population had to go through the s**t we have to , we are the though ones dealing with this , other prople are week !!!!
Hi Jenn,
I enjoyed this post! Would you do a post on what it is like when all the good emotions start flooding back in that have been absent for so long? Everything is so dark and oppressive when in this bubble… it brings hope to hear others talk about all the good feelings (love, happiness, excitement, peace, good anticipation, etc.), thoughts, and emotions coming back…maybe share some of your experiences when this started happening. Just a thought. <3
I will do that soon! I am writing a post about acceptance, and I am considering putting together a one hour webinar on it as well. Stay tuned!
Bree, I second that motion. Please do that for us Jennifer. Thank you in advance.♡
Jennifer your acceptance post will be good to read . I have an interesting observation , my brother cold turkeyed off xanax , now he was just abusing it to get high for 2 years and popping tons of valium as well , he went through slight withdrawal that only lasted about 2 months , was drinking everyday smoking weed and ice to help him cope , so he says and was able to drive 14 hrs to his new home , now the thing is he was unaware of all the scientific aspects of withdrawal such as low gaba damaged benzo receptors etc etc . So I asked him how he got through it , he said he just stayed busy , lifted weights and exercised and told me he looked at the tablet and said to himself “I’m not getting beaten by you ” and just went about his business , so my question is , Is this pain we go through a pain we manifest ourselves , constant worrying about benzo wd. , reading posts that worry us and feeds our anxiety etc etc , so was it is attitude or was he just lucky , as we all know some people can just stop and hardly suffer , I think he just didn’t think about it and was so determined to get better , maybe that’s how he did , I know I was already in a really bad place when I tried to quit , now wondering if I was in a good fully functional place as I was a year before this might have been a lot easier , even Ashton says most people who taper slowly have little to no withdrawal , now after failing to taper 5 times now I’m totally in the benzo bubble which is totally consuming every single thought I have and I feel my worrying is making me worse , anyways that’s just a thought and storey I’d thought I’d share , I know that’s probably not the Case for most of us but sometimes ignorance is bliss
Wow, this is amazing and so so me! I am currently in the bubble. Scared to see how long it takes to get out of the bubble. I hoped it would go away once we were “detoxed” from the benzo, but see it’s not just a week of stopping the medication. I took Serax (long lasting Xanax) for severe anxiety until 14 years later it took over me. It begin hindering than helping my life. When does the roller coaster ride stop???? The physical symptoms are horrendous. Nervousness, tightness in the chest, lack of concentration. How can one function if they will not feel “normal” for months and months later?????