It’s one of the most disturbing mental symptoms in benzodiazepine withdrawal: life review.
We become obsessed with the past—negative things that we did, or hurtful things that were done to us. We obsess, filled with unwanted emotions. No matter how hard we try to distract, our minds are stuck in a never-ending loop of the pain and anguish. Unless we are aware that life review is a common benzo withdrawal symptom, we may conclude that we have lost our mind, or that we have a mental or personality disorder. In our ignorance, we may be tempted to take other medications to make it go away. But there are no medications that stop the process of life review; there is only the restorative power of time.
Life review often begins with the last traumatic event that happened in our lives before we were put on a benzodiazepine.
For example, someone who was placed on a benzo for the grief of losing a loved one might begin to obsess about the loss in detail. It is as if taking the benzo numbed the emotions but left the event, unhealed, in “limb” so to speak, just waiting for us to “thaw out” from our benzo “numbing” so that we could process it. Only now, in benzo withdrawal, it’s virtually impossible to rationally process it because we don’t have enough healthy, working GABA receptors. It seems that we are unable to effectively access our prefrontal cortex, the region of the brain that is responsible for executive functioning, and instead, we are more driven by our limbic system, the area of the brain responsible for the fight, flight, or freeze (fear) response. Which means we aren’t the most logical, rational, life and love-affirming people while in benzodiazepine withdrawal!
Life review is a common benzo withdrawal symptom.
Is there anything that we can do to better cope with it? Yes. Educating yourself about benzo withdrawal is first and foremost Understanding what you are experiencing goes a long way to reducing fear about it. If you understand that your obsessing about your past is quite common in people tapering or off of their benzo, you will cope better. Distraction is another good tool to use if you find yourself stuck in life review mode. The mind will often follow what the hands are doing, so find things to do that keep your hands busy. I gardened (obsessively) in benzo withdrawal. I also learned to draw, paint, knit, and crochet. Keeping busy helped me cope with the intense emotions that life review generated. Acceptance is also a good coping mechanism. Simply allowing the thoughts and feelings to pass through you without emotionally hooking you is helpful. Simply observe yourself having the thoughts or feelings. Don’t fight or struggle with them. Reminding yourself that life review will end one day helps us slog through the times we are burdened with it.
It’s important to note that we may be hit hard with self-condemnation when we experience life review— intense emotions of shame or guilt.
We may be overwhelmed with remorse. The feelings may be so strong and powerful, and our thoughts so convincing that we may be convinced that we are evil, horrible, terrible people. These thoughts and feelings must be ignored, for they are not the truth. We must not let these feelings push us to act out in ways that harm us (or others.)
If you are struggling with life review, it is helpful to confide in someone who understands what you are going through and can remind you that it will end. Having a benzo buddy who is a bit farther along the recovery path is helpful.
To sum up, life review is a common benzodiazepine withdrawal symptom of unwanted, negative, intrusive, looping, obsessional thoughts, memories, and feelings about the past.
Recognizing that life review as just another benzo withdrawal symptom; we can cope by practicing distraction, acceptance, and neutrally observing our thoughts and feelings. Ignoring the self-condemnation that can occur with life review is important. Do not act out on any thought or feeling of self-harm, harm to others, or punishment. Life review does resolve in time, as do all the other benzo withdrawal symptoms. Time is the best healer. Your brain and body know what to do to heal, and they are hard at work right now, restoring you back to health.
Thank you for this post Jennifer. I am 33 months post taper and have been in an unexplainable rage for quite some time. I haven’t slept in 3 years and in constant pain and very tired. Hope is what keeps me going but some days are very hard, thanks for reminding us that we will heal!
Thanks for this (as well as all of your other helpful posts.
This one really hit home! I’m glad to know that it’s common! I’ve made my way through by believing my memory was healing, but also, my doctor taught me about mindfulness and self-compassion. Anyone really struggling could be helped by Kristin Neff’s book on Mindful Self Compassion – can’t remember the exact title as I lost the book and EVERYTHING else)in a building fire this summer. Just the sort of thing you need while tapering, eh!
Yes, I’m Canadian.
Re Benjie’s comment: Insomniacs and people with extreme exhaustion should consider being checked for sleep apnea – turned out I have it and treatment has made a world of difference. I’m feeling almost ‘normal’ again!
Thank you Jennifer. Timing couldn’t be more perfect! 🙂 XXX
Jennifer
My wife is withdrawing from a Benzo drug. It has been a year now, and yes, the withdrawal symptoms are getting better, but she still struggles some days. I want to say thank you for your site. It seems to make things easier for my wife, helping her understand what it is she feels from one day to the next. Keep on encouraging those unfortunate enough to need your encouraging words.
I’m 16 months post-taper, and I’ve done a lot of Life Review throughout this time. The thoughts are absolutely torturous. I’m grateful for this blog because it explains and validates my experience.
Good info as always.Ive always appreciated your words and the truth behind them
Helen, I wish it were that simple. I was on a high dose of Klonopin for 13 years and have a lot of pain due to PAWS and this definitely interferes with sleep. I had a sleep study prior to withdrawal and do not have apnea but thank you for the recommendation.
Hi, Jennifer. Well, I’m still here. Month 52 and not much has changed in the last year. Life review was a difficult symptom to get through, but nothing compares to what my brain has experienced the last 48 of the 52 months since I cold turkied Klonopin, after a 10 day weaning off at a facility I went to. My brain still seems to be stuck in “fear of the future ” mode, or future tripping. Still have the existential angst, daily. I have a new symptom also. For the last 2 months I have had severe left arm pain, between my shoulder and elbow. If I reach or move it wrong, it sends pain through my whole body. It wakes me up in the night if I’m lucky enough to get to sleep. Has anyone here had experience with this arm pain? I had a frozen right shoulder about 6 years ago and this is similar. ANYONE?Thanks Jennifer, for all your helpful posts. I just haven’t felt like commenting on anything for quite awhile. 😒 And since I’m in a very long “protracted recovery, ” I don’t want to discourage anybody.
I have constant head symptoms that are getting more and more distressing by the day. My brain feels panicked, confused, disoriented and stuck in dp/dr. Scares me to the point I scream at times. My brain feels forever broken.
Hi Angie..I did have that arm pain and couldn’t wash my back or do anything..it did go away not sure how long it took..I also have been in this along time and don’t want to discourage anyone…but like Jen said its time..how much? Who knows but we do heal little by little..one day …it just amazes me this whole thing how most doctors and people don’t get it…and we are strong!!! This is no joke.!!!..hang in we will heal…and we will enjoy life again!!!❤️
Oh,Lynne! Thank you so much for replying. This symptom has had me worried. I also cannot reach behind my back now or reach forward too far. I was way better a year and a half ago and now back in the thick of symptoms. I am totally discouraged but I keep hanging on. Must be because we ARE stronger than we ever thought we could be. If the anhedonia would leave, I think I could cope better. Thanks again!
Hey TN, I hear you! I had severe head pressure and squeezing off and on for 48 months. Just recently I had what they call brain zaps. Had not had them at all before, but I knew instinctively what they were. Had them for 3 days and nights then they just left. I’ve always associated brain pain and head pressure with more healing taking place. The ZAPS almost made me change my mind but they left, too. Keep healing!
Thank you for mentioning this withdrawal symptom that I have never heard about before- life review. I am struggling with dp/dr at present and head sx. This morning I felt a strong fear that I am losing my mind as well. It’s a very scary place to be in even as I am trying to ignore the thoughts that are arising. Then it came to me that possibly as I am getting lower on my taper my brain is playing tricks on me to get me to stop tapering from the Valium. I am also taking an a/d Lexapro.
This has been one of my most persistent symptoms and has lasted for years. Now after 3 years into a setback, these thoughts and memories are not as loud.
I CT’d both Ativan and Xanax 10.5 years ago, reinstated on Valium a month later and completed Ashton taper. It gets a lot better eventually.
Your comments are so true. Im so tired of constant daily and nightly reflections of all the negative events in my life. I seem to always blame myself.I cant taper the last 1mg of klonopine with out seizures and severe dp/dr; Inter-dose withdrawals. I will remain determined and appreciate every word of your supportive posts.Thank you kindly-