Friends,
Today marks FIVE years of being free from a benzodiazepine! Why is this such a momentous occasion? Because my journey to get free from the benzo I took as prescribed for nearly 18 years was hell on Earth. There were so many days during my taper that I thought I wouldn’t survive. I was bedridden; deathly ill. Then there was the decision to jump; to go cold-turkey and all of the unbelievable suffering that it caused. The first two years off were beyond anything I could ever have imagined. It was a very long, arduous, frightening, lonely, and utterly humbling journey.
But that’s behind me now. Thank God. Yes, I still have some lingering physical symptoms. However, I don’t let them slow me down too much! I have a full and happy life. I’m not the person I was when I started taking a benzo, or when I started tapering. I’ve changed. Remarkably. Benzo withdrawal allowed me the opportunity to become the person I always hoped and dreamed I could be. I’m strong. I’m loving. I’m compassionate and kind. I don’t get easily worked up about things anymore. Not much ruffles my feathers. I’m content in my skin, just as I am, flaws and all. You too can use this time in your life to become better (instead of bitter over what has happened to you because of a benzo).
Benzo withdrawal is an incredibly horrific thing to have to experience, I know. However, we do get to the other side of it. We do stop suffering, and we start living again. Life is SO SWEET on this side of recovery; I assure you.
Please help me celebrate five years of freedom today. You can help me celebrate by telling yourself that you are doing to get through this. You can help me celebrate by being kind and gentle with yourself. You can help me celebrate by reaching out to someone in your life who needs a helping hand or a listening ear and being there for them. Any act of love, kindness, or compassion, aimed at yourself or others is how I hope you’ll celebrate my five-year watermark.
If you are suffering today, know that it will come to an end. In time. Hold on. Keep going. Have faith. There were so many dark days I didn’t think I would survive. So many dark days I thought I would never heal. So many dark days I thought I was broken forever. Those thoughts and feelings were just withdrawal messing with me! They were all lies! Let my life be the proof you need to know that you will regain your ability to think, feel, and function normally again. You will be better than before. You will be brand new!
Thank you for celebrating with me! I love you all so very much,
Jennifer
Help I feel hopeless and that I’m dying from these drugs
Congratulations Jennifer! You have worked toward this amazing milestone! Simple amazing !
I am only 4 months off of Clonesapam, Pristiq and Fentanyl. I too still have symptoms, but know I am on the right side of withdrawal and tolerance withdrawal after 20 years.
It is inspiring to hear from others who have e en successful in this difficult journey!
Dear Jen,
What can I say? You made it FIVE YEARS!
And many of those years through complete and utter suffering in hell on earth. You are a true warrior and champion. And you should be proud. It is nothing short of the greatest accomplishment of your life and I am so proud of you. I know what you have suffered, for I am still battling and suffering beyond human comprehension, each millisecond an eternity in hell with no escape. And to know that somebody has gone before us, and made it out alive and well on the other side gives hope beyond words.
You are an inspiration, a friend, and someone who has always been there with a word of encouragement and support — just because you care about humanity and all us suffering souls whose lives have been destroyed. You have literally kept me alive for my beautiful children more times than I care to count. I don’t know if your family or children or parents or friends will ever truly know the road you travelled to stay alive and get to where you are. It is simply not of human words. But I know, for I have lived it — and I know you must love them so fiercely to hang on for them through the worst. They are very lucky to have you.
That is why I hold on to, my beautiful family. I hold on even though I cannot imagine a day where I do not bed God to take me because the suffering is too great. But knowing that you now feel life is sweet and full, is something that I cling to — most days at the VERY end of my rope, yet I hold on and don’t let go.
So you see Jen, you have a much needed purpose here in this life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you do and have done. We desperately miss you in our benzo group. Please drop by some day with a little video of encouragement and love for us — it would be so reassuring to see that lovely face of yours talking directly to us again some day. We dearly miss you, I just wish we could pick up where we left off last summer with that group and the videos. But I understand after FIVE YEARS of living benzo’s why you would want to move on and focus your energy with less suffering. You deserve to be free, happy, and have your soul filled with love and joy. Five Years. Congratulations. Be proud.
Love always,
Your friend and fellow warrior Lisa
XO
Congratulations, Warrior Sister. Five years. Awesome. Only those who have endured the endless, bitter suffering can understand and appreciate the sweet peace and joy when it is over.
Congratulations Jen. You have helped support me during my time in getting off this drug. Hearing from you gives me hope. I so happy that you are now able to enjoy your life. God Bless You
Bruce
Congrats on five years free You have been an inspiration Carmel
Thank you! It’s been quite the journey.
Thank you for leading the way <3
Hi jen, when did your mental and emotional symptoms lifted ? Im 24 month off and in absolutly accute hell for 2 years straight. Severe fear terror agpraphobia crazy anxiety depression dp dr. No improvement at all its pure agony
I’m currently going through benzo withdrawals and I can not thank you enough for putting your story out there. You give me great hope. Congratulations!
Congratulations!!! Im so scared!! Thanks for the encouragement!!
I got better going into my 3rd year off. But at 3.5 years off I had the worst wave! It lasted 6 months, then all the mental/emotional stuff left. I pray it never comes back! 🙂 We do survive. We do get through it. Just keep holding on. Don’t get up hope. I know it’s awful, but it WILL go away. Make sure you aren’t consuming anything that works on your GABA receptors. That can impede your healing.
Hi jennyfer,
Please when do your dereazlisation severe anxiety went away ?
Im stuck in 24/7 hell derealization since 26 month off without any window at all. Nothing im stuck in accute hell im sevrrly suicidal
When did it improved for you ?
Congratulations! It is your story and a few others of people who survived that make me keep going along with my faith in God. I am 8 months off and in the midst of suffering. But I read your story of hope and I pray I can have as great a story one day soon. God bless.
Congratulations! I’m so aware of your struggles and am so grateful for your help with my recovery. Your words have been a gift to me and many. Bless you and thank you.
Back in July my psych doc told me that I would have to be on benzodiazepines for the rest of my life it was then I decided to fire him!!!