Growing up in Florida, I couldn’t wait for Spring to slide into Summer. My dad would take the pool cover off and we’d wait the few days for the chlorine to make the water crystal clear for swimming. The morning we were allowed to dive in, I’d tug on my little one piece and fly out of the back door. I was never a “put-a-toe-in-and-test-the-water” type of person. I’d gain momentum from the back door and literally throw myself into the water. I loved being underwater; the way my long hair floated by my face, the sense of weightlessness, the quiet, cool calm. I adored the summer months!
As an adult, I still enjoyed Summer, but not like I did when I was a child. Summer meant my children were out of school and I was on attention, literally 24-7 it seemed. When they grew up and moved out, summer was less hectic and more enjoyable. I remember thinking that maybe my adoration of summer might be rekindled. And then, benzo withdrawal happened. Whatever joy I felt about summer was snuffed out in an instant. Summer means heat. Heat in withdrawal means an increase in benzo withdrawal symptoms. For four years I felt awful when the mercury rose. Maybe you have the same experience: we wilt when it gets too warm.
It’s important to pace ourselves in the warm months of the year. We need to make sure that we drink enough fluids. We need to make sure to rest when we are tired. If we live in a humid part of the world, we need to pay extra attention to how we feel. We don’t need to be fearful of an increase in our symptoms in the heat; we just need to take good care of ourselves and not freak out if we experience a bit of a wave because of the heat.
This summer, I’ll be celebrating five years free on June 23rd! For the first time in years, I’m looking forward to Summer. Let the mercury climb as high as it likes! I’m feeling so well these days that I am not concerned about the hot days ahead. In fact, I am so happy to be on the other side of benzo withdrawal that I may just tug on a bathing suit and find a pool I can jump into. On this side of withdrawal, the joy is so incredible that you can feel rather childlike! My life is so sweet again. After years of unspeakable suffering, I’m grateful to feel like a normal human being again. Wait! That’s not true. I don’t feel like a normal person. I am so much better than normal; I’m a benzo survivor.
If you are still having withdrawal symptoms, please take good care of yourself this summer. Know that in time, you will heal. This chapter of suffering will come to an end, and the next chapter is going to be fantastic!
Hi jennifer,
Please is it common to still be severly suicidal and desperate with anger/rage 2 years off ? Im only 28 years old boy i never been so ill in my whole life . Im 2 years off after a reinstatement who kindled me and severly disabled and suicidal, living in a derealization and desperate world im not gona heal
I am sorry you are suffering so much. It’s not uncommon to be still very benzo sick 2 years out. It can happen. Please keep yourself SAFE as your brain recovers from the damage from the drug. Hold onto the BELIEF that you ARE HEALING, and that one day, this suffering will come to an end. If you have a belief in God, grow that belief as big and wide and as deep as you can! Now, more than ever, is the time to let God carry you through this dark time.
Do i have to reinstate to relieve symptoms then taper slow ? Its just a non sens to me waiting in this hell its been 2 years unable to work, still cant exercise still only sleep 2-3 hours a night for 2 years its complete hell.
Do i have to reinstate ? Feel like my withdrawal is so severe i will never heal i cant stand the idea to be eventualy stuck like that one more year, its pure torture
The general thinking about reinstatement from the benzo community at large is that it rarely works after 4 weeks off of the drug. You may get *some* relief, but the chances are very good that that relief will be short-lived and you will hit tolerance again. You may even be nearly as sick as you are now, but stuck on the drug again, and have to get back off. And, as you know with kindling, you could have even worse symptoms. I know, hard to hear. But that’s the truth that is coming from the thousands of people who have blazed the trail for us. I have talked to many people who reinstated, hoping to get some relief. Some did, for a short time, but they all said they wished they had stayed benzo free and gutted out withdrawal, as getting off of the drug and healing took even longer. There may be people who have reinstated and had an okay time, but I haven’t heard from them. Are you taking any other meds? Alcohol? OTC meds?
I didnt took any alcohol, no supplement, no meds no antibiotic nothing in those 23 month i though it would speed my healing but didnt. Im very scared to still be so non functionnal like that 2 years off at 28 years old i cant even walk more than 10minutes without crazy anxiety and fainting feeling, cant do any focussing task like doing the dishes or the hoover etc very simple task like that i cant do it because of crazy cognitiv impairement. Feel like my brain have been severly damaged by my failed reinstatement. ( i first quit 7mg prazepam = 5mg valium in 7 days after over 18month on the drug, then reinstated a 5mg after 2 month off and went severly ill with crazy cognitiv and physical impairement, had to taper in full tolerance for 5 month as i was scared to updose but i now think that if i had updose to the dosage i quit i would probably stabilized ). So now after spending 2 years mentaly sick and unable to walk at only 28 years old i question more than never to go back to 7mg that i quit because im not healing
This is so true… The last 3 summers have been horrible for me. I have had to spend countless hours indoors because I can’t tolerate heat anymore. I keep telling my psych doc I need a higher dose to deal with withdrawal, but he doesn’t believe me. I had to fire my last psych doc when he tried to give me trazodone.