Just when I thought it would never get better, it got better.
True, I still have symptoms, but I also have a life. I rarely think about withdrawal anymore. Can you believe it? It used to be what drove my every thought. I was obsessed with what was happening to my brain and body. Totally. Now I am obsessed about getting my life back in order, and figuring out the focus of my coaching practice. I am engaged in life and it’s great! I still tire easily, but who cares? I am so grateful to have a relatively normal life. I’m hopefully adopting a new dog (Emma was too leash aggressive and couldn’t pass the service dog requirements, sadly) to help me with the last few symptoms and to help me integrate back into the world in a bigger way. He’s an amazing being with so much soul. When I am out with him, I don’t think about my dizziness. I am too focused on him! I’m fostering him now to make sure he’s a good fit.
I can honestly say that life is good. I am glad to be alive. I feel joy. I feel happiness. I know the last few symptoms will get better in time. I don’t have any doubt anymore that I will heal. I am sure of it now.
I know that one day my stamina will return. The tingles will stop. The bone pain will cease. The woozy dizzy head pressure stuff will end too, one day. In the meantime, I engage with life as much as I can, without over doing it. I know it’s hard to believe, but I am grateful for the experience of wd. It made me a much better person. I am so grateful to be this strong, humble woman. A sober woman. A benzo free woman. A woman who truly wants to do God’s work. I wasn’t that before all of this. I was an ego driven drama queen with a fragile sense of self-esteem. I had a big career growing, sure, but underneath it all, I was afraid a lot of time. Not now. I know I can face whatever life dishes out. I’ve lived through hell. For a very long time. I held on. I got through it.
Life is an adventure. It’s up, down, sideways. I was down for so long that the only way to go is up. I’m climbing out of the benzo snake pit. It’s UP, UP, UP… from here on out. I don’t foresee another wave coming, but if one does, I know how to cope. I’m an expert at holding on and coping.
I hope you all will hold on and cope. It’s worth it. Life gets good again. Our brains recover. We get back on with our lives. I promise.
Welcome back to life Jennifer. It’s been a long haul, but you persevered and made it. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. You were so open and honest with your symptoms. You were here at a time when I really needed verification that what I was feeling was all benzo withdrawal. You were an answer to prayer. Dizziness, head pressure, muscle and bone pain must be one of the last symptoms to go. That’s what I struggle with right now. You became a real supportive friend during this time and I thank you for it. Enjoy your life now and please keep us informed with what you make of this new life. We really care. God bless you
I’m in exactly the same place at 23 months off. It’s wonderful and the world is a great place and life is there to be lived to the full. What a journey and what a revelation. I look upon it as a positive experience that can only make the rest of our lives so much better. Just popping in to say Good Luck and have a happy future.
Bra io Jen , bravo!!!!!!!!
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing. What an accomplishment for you and all who recover from the nightmare. I was on xanax for 13 years. I am 64. I have been off three months now. Yesterday was the first day in years I did not think about xanax or withdrawal. When I awoke this morning after 8 hours I realized this! Usually I simply expect poor sleep.
I share this for encouragement for others. We are all different and I think that makes it difficult. All we can do is be patient. A year ago I would not have expected to be off and in recovery. If I can do it,we all can.
Blessings to all of you.
Judi
Good to hear! Wish You so well! I cried little while reading and so want HEALED but fast. Im being as patient as I can. I know it’ll be OK. Thank you Jennifer!
Dear Dear Jennifer! You made me cry and returned some of the HOPE that I needed to hear this morning! Thank you! Three years ago this week I met you in Sierra and I knew the minute I met you that you were special person! I’m so thankful to God that He has returned you to a “better you”! I’m 18 months off that klonopin beast tomorrow! Some days are really good and some days not so much! One of my hardest symptoms is the lack of sleep…..on the nights that I sleep ok, not great, but ok, I seem to be able to handle all the other symptoms a little easier. The head pressure, muscle pain, and fatigue come and go, it’s always hard when it goes for a while and then returns, as you well know! Thank you for sticking this out and showing the rest of us that “it does get better”!
Wonderful news, Jennifer! I’m so happy for you and the new life that is opening up to you now.
A dog is a wonderful addition to the household in so many ways, not the least of which is unconditional love. Enjoy!
Great news!
My 2 cents : be careful with over-exertion, don’t overdo things, take a lot of rest.
It’s been my repetitive mistake so far to think I was completely out of the woods, and as a result kept crashing miserably after having done too much. (62 months out).
Best of Luck!
God Bless and thanks for the positive uplifting post ! Keep on healing and shareing. Joseph
Congratulations and great to hear, Jennifer! All the best to you! Hanging on at almost 23 months here. Take good care and ENJOY life.
Jennifer, I read this post with tears in my eyes. Over the summer I was so worried about you. This is the greatest news for you and hopeful news for those of us still making our way through this struggle. Keep us all posted as to what you’re doing. We all love you and are so happy for you. Post some photos of yourself is you get the chance.