I get many emails asking why old fears are now unbearable. I tell everyone the same answer, “Because you are in withdrawal!”
When our GABA receptors aren’t working properly due to the damage from the benzo we took, our old fears can come back even stronger than they were pre-benzo!
My own experience was this: I had numerous fears/anxieties before I was put on Klonopin. One of those fears was flying. Eventually, I had to fly for my career. Being forced to face my fear helped me overcome it. I even flew through a snowstorm in Colorado where people were gasping and screaming as the plane pitched around, and I was cool as a cucumber. But not so in withdrawal! I couldn’t even look at an airplane in the sky without a cold jolt of fear going through my entire body. I live close to the San Francisco airport, and let me tell you, it was a real drag having to feel that fear so often. I didn’t have that fear pre-benzo. I only feared being ON a plane, not LOOKING at one.
I worried that the fear meant I would revert back to fearing plane travel again. I worried that any of my other old fears would come back too and stay, since I was no longer medicated. I worried and worried that without a benzo, my life was going to be horrible. It sure was horrible in withdrawal!
My fears were totally ungrounded. Not only can I look at a plane in the sky without fear coursing through my veins, I can even contemplate flying to distant countries again. My other fears in withdrawal faded away too. I didn’t wake up one day and it was all gone, it was a very gradual thing. But I assure you, all of the crazy fears and worries are gone. They will go away for you too, in time.
Hold on. Find ways to distract. I planted a flower garden in my front yard as most of you know, in order to cope. Keep your hands busy and your mind pre-occupied. When fear rushes through your body take slow deep breaths. Reassure yourself that it is simply your brain healing from the damage the drug did and one day it will go away. Take a walk if you can. Movement helps us process the stress chemicals that come with fear and anxiety.
Take this time to deepen your relationship with God. If you don’t have faith and would like help in developing a relationship with God, give me a shout. I’d be delighted to help you find your way to God.
If you want a few words of biblical hope, click over to Soulreminders.com.
It’s going to get better. It’s going to get MUCH better!
Thanks again Jenn for your wonderful reminders. That’s so great that flying fears have dissipated completely for you. My only fear now is that of, Will I ever recover? and How long will it take? Do I have the stamina for this? I pray daily for hope and strength.
In reading and re-reading your blog, I see that things seemed to turn dramatically for you in early October of 2014 right after your daughter asked you to join her on a Colorado business trip. So did you see gradual progress in the month of September or are you referring to the year prior when you had a long window? Was that window the year prior as good as how you feel now, or a notch below?
I’m trying to see the picture tends to look for many.
This was exactly what I need to hear this week! Thank you!
For every one else, I made it through a crown procedure at the dentist Monday, took a walk by myself and drove to the store by myself! And I am not even through my taper. But I was obsessing that I could not do these things recently, so I did them! Baby steps and not stuff I would do every day, well especially the dental of course!
Even before benzos I didn’t like to fly (and I flew a lot in the Air Force). It always scared me for some reason – especially when there was turbulence.
During wd I had trouble even being in a moving car. I could force myself to drive short distances and be a passenger on longer trips, but it was torture. I never could have gotten on an airplane in wd and would have panicked even thinking about it.
This year my daughter will be traveling to Orlando, Minneapolis, and Houston (or maybe Vegas). She doesn’t like to travel alone, so I will be flying with her. I am looking forward to it – as an adventure. Even pre-benzo or during benzos I would not have agreed to that (unless I had several Manhattans first). Wd has given me some sort of “carefree courage” that I never had before.
It’s very strange, but wd “cured” me of fear.
O Jennifer i needed that so much today!! Thank U. I had such a FREAKY morn @ 2 am ish..o boy ; ( Not able go back 2 sleep yet. Try but..2 friends were thr 6am text (nice 2 hv..my fam..), im still shaken up..I get very tired eve times..aftr the 2 hr job 3 days/wk..fall asleep 9 or @ nite 4 few hrs then..awake n feel suffocate like..been off K a lil ovr 15 mos. But remember ambien 1-2 last jan/feb cuz sleep bad n hard..that makes it lil less off drugs n Y i did it..but somexs @ nite..my past trauma..got taxes done n how i will spend..2 God..Car needs..n in back of my mind the thot is thr..?? N W/D of course. Hard remembr breathe n its GABA n all @ xs..o boy whew!! So..cant nap..my body inside still gets adrenal? C my counselor but $ n how much..need car get there n distant..fears fears..also thot organic mac n chz..but good i thot..now tryn stay calm as this mind..like clean ..only a lil but..calm..breathing..Ur do so well! Like a pill want instant but never helped n no God but get confusd. Hope no complaints neighbrs..mayb they think i sleep walk dream..darn drugs : Glad ur there. Thank u..i will get there..
A doctor had me on Xanax for 33 years when it suddenly seemed to stop working. I am now on Klonopin 0.5mg 3 times a day, Trintellix 15 mg/ day and Gabapentin 400mg/day. My life fell apart Nov 2015 when the xanax stopped working. I lost my home, pets and career. I cling to Gods truths in the bible to get me through each day. I want to get weaned off my current drugs before they stop working. Please, give me your best advise. Has anyone here used the Ashton method? I’m terrified as I know what withdrawal is like as I experienced it in the hospital for a month when they made me cold turkey. Eventually a different doctor started me on the above mentioned meds.I’m terrified as I became suicidal ( never had been before in my life) when they had me going through withdrawal in the hospital.
Kindest regards and thank you in advance.
The best way to get off a benzo is a slow taper. You don’t have to crossover to Valium as the Ashton manual suggests. But you do need to make small cuts, no more than 10% in your dose. Go slow! You’ve been on a benzo a long time. Don’t rush getting off as you may have increased withdrawal symptoms. Be cautious about allowing doctors to give you more meds. They can slow our healing and be dangerous. All the best to you on your healing journey.