A few days ago I felt happy when I woke up. None of the usual benzo withdrawal looping thoughts, tingles, pain or burning. It was heaven. My happiness increased quickly until I was feeling almost manic with euphoria. Within minutes it turned into body anxiety and crashed into a wicked depression that lasted most of the day. I was deeply disturbed that even happiness could effect my CNS in such a negative way.
The next handful of days I had more happiness that was stable, however a lunch meeting for my business left me with happy thoughts that raced and a body way too revved up with energy.
I wrote to Matt Samet and asked if he ever experienced strange manic happiness that brought on anxiety. “Of course,” was his answer. He explained it is a phase of recovery. The brain is coming back on line, but it over reacts and causes symptoms. He told me it took quite a bit of time for his emotions to level out and be normal day to day.
I am excited I am in this phase of recovery. Even though happiness can feel overwhelming and a tad scary with a still healing CNS, I prefer these feelings over the black hell I have been feeling. I am now with out doubt, 100% sure I will heal one day.
I have a ways to go as my body is still fairly trashed, but I will get there. I still can’t believe I have survived this. It still boggles my mind that doctors can hand these pills out and that they don’t understand the withdrawal illness they create in those of use who want to get free from the poison.
I had the most creative day I have had in a long time. I am in here, better than when I was medicated. I feel fresh and shiny at times, in a way that is hard to explain, just as withdrawal in so hard to explain.
Hold on everyone. I have had a truly traumatic withdrawal that included 7 weeks in the hospital. If I can feel as good as I did today, you will too, one day.
I look forward to complete healing, but for now, I am grateful for what I have to date and grateful to be in this new happy phase of recovery.
Oh I am so glad to hear. Thanks for writing. I can feel your happiness and energi through all the pains, because you also write about Your bad days. Yes, we are fantastic. I really hope the good days will stay. Love from Dorte
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Den 09/01/2013 kl. 08.48 skrev “benzowithdrawalhelp” :
Thank You Dr. Jen. I have been feeling this to. Gives me
hope to. I can hear your excitement in your words to. Linder
Dear dear Jennifer! When I got your post I could hardly believe what it said! I am SOOOOOO happy for you! I think about you often and remember our days togather with fondness! I am still in the process of coming off of this awful drug, and your right when you say that doctors don’t understand how hard it is to get off and what we go through! You don’t know how this has given me hope today, and I needed it. This is the third time today that I have received “hope”.
In my time with God this morning I was reading a devotional and in it is said
“I (Christ) am with you and for you. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with My will, nothing in heaven or on earth can stop you. You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, BUT DON’T BE DISCOURAGES – NEVER GIVE UP! With My help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with Me, BUT do remember that I, your very-present Helper is omnipotent.”
Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible for God
With tears on my cheeks, I am sharing in your joy, and praying that God will continue to heal you and bring you back to who you really are! Thanks so much for sharing, I always look forward to hearing from you!
Your Montana friend
Oh I am so hoping you can get off without too much problem. I thought of you last night and wanted to email but I got so busy. I am sorry. Hold on, ok? It gets better!! You met me at the worst of it all. It is a battle, but we do win it. I know you can keep going and I know you will heal once off. All in time. I feel closer to God now than I ever have in my life. I don’t understand God, but I trust that there is a God and God is here with me. I am a different person, so much better than before all of this. So hang in there. Call me if you ever need someone to talk to. I will be happy to listen and encourage you. Gentle hugs. Jenn
Dear Dr. Jennifer,
I am so glad you are feeling better and are experiencing real healing. You have really walked through fire. I have been tapering for over a year and still have a long way to go, but I am trying to take this very slowly since I’m petrified of feeling worse than I do now. I can’t even remember what happiness feels like. Or just feeling normal. I pray the rest of your healing goes quickly.
Do you think the new paleo diet has helped your recovery?
Thanks for giving me hope this will one day be over.
I pray you feel better soon. Keep moving forward. I don’t know if the diet helped. I think it’s just time. That’s the only cure. I’m almost 19 months out. It was time to turn some corners. It does help to avoid sugar, MSG, caffeine, alcohol etc. I’m also working with an amazing naturopath I’ve known for over a decade, Dr. Paul Gannon. He’s researching benzo withdrawal and finding some interesting things. He suggested a vegan diet as meat spikes glutamate which is the opposite of GABA. I started yesterday. So I’m ditching paleo. Going vegan. No gluten. I will report back.
Dr. Gannon knows he can’t help repair the broken receptors, but he feels he can help keep glutamate from revving me up more, and he can support my brain in other ways. He’s educating me about calcium ions in the brain. Etc.
I’m not at all saying Dr. Gannon is an expert in withdrawal yet, but he’s learning. If you want to speak to him he can be reached at email@example.com. I’m hopeful he is on to some things that can help. Not cure. But help. Time is our only cure.
Dr. Jennifer, I can so appreciate reading your post today. I’m in my 6th year off Benzos (18 months off ADs)….and totally relate to the ups and downs of benzo recovery. And how even the ups trigger symptoms. Excitement and joy and even happy anticipation can send me spirling back into bed. It’s unreal how fragile we are. I also relate to being closer to God since this experience of becoming completely broken in every way, Not sure it could have happened otherwise. And for sure, TIME is the only cure. Blessings, Jennifer
Positive post today!
I so want my life back, just to be able to walk to the shop and back without the fear i will panic would be bliss, (look forward to that day)
I use to go to 12 step meetings but have been unable to attend for over 6 months now!
Just the thought of attending or driving to a meeting sends me into panic, have found this difficult to deal with as allot of my so called recovery freinds deserted me as I felt not believed as they just don’t get it!
I will probably return when I feel it’s the right time?
Dont want to push myself to do things because when I do I get stressed and reved up.
Can see small improvements in me
I.e. sleep, some clearer thinking, tinnitus not so constant and able to communicate a bit better.
Your posts give me some encouragement that I also will make a full recovery in time.
Survival one day at a time in the only way and keep believing all will come to pass.
Thanks once again!