Thursday, weather permitting, I am hitting the open road once again to slowly make my way back home. My first stop is to meet/visit with a man named Os Hillman. My benzo buddy Diane introduced us as he is her brother. Os is a Marketplace Leader. He helps people take their faith into their workplace. His books have been inspirational to me. I feel God is using Os to help me shape my ministry/coaching once I am back home.
I have used the month here with my parents for some much needed healing. I leave with a sense of newness, strength and excitement about my future. Hope bubbles up in my heart every day. I wake eager to discover what is in store. How very different than when I was in the thick of withdrawal and I dreaded going to sleep and waking up. I knew the suffering that was waiting for me the very moment my eyes opened. But that is a thing of the past! The mornings hold sweet promise now.
I have two questions for you, my dear benzo buddies.
1. Is there anyone who would like me to stop by and meet them as I journey home? I’ll be traveling the lower southern states. Please comment or reach me by email. (drjenniferleigh at gmail.com)
2. What would be most helpful on this site for you? Are there pages of info or help that is needed? What type of posts would you like to read about most? I want this site to be a good source of support for withdrawal. I appreciate your comments or emails about how to make it better. I often think about adding a forum with chat capabilities, what do you all think?
I’m learning about resilience on this trip, as I had planned and hoped. But… I am learning something far greater. I am learning why God made me, and how he wants me to utilize his gifts. It took a drive across America to fully understand, but I’m grateful each mile brought me closer to his plan for my life.
Blessings to you all.
Jennifer
PS. the third installment of confidence building is coming soon.
A chat room would be lovely as I have met three wonderful cyber friends here on your pages. It helped and still helps me through this awful road to healing to share with others in a more direct manner. We all chat at least a couple of times a week, others just about everyday. As fellow sufferers, we need each other because only we know and understand the pain of this journey, as you well know.
So very happy you are still Improving and I wish you safety and more enlightenment on your travels home. God bless.
Hi Jen,
I am so happy you have spent time with your parents and have had a safe trip. I wish you the same on your return journey.
I concur with Karen to have a place to chat that is safe. I have found it next to impossible to chat with my friends who are not going through this. I would love to have some other people to call when it gets tough. (which it already is!)
I would also like to know what to do with ourselves during this acute phase with no windows. Where each day is a day of survival, just wishing it would all go away which it doesn’t.
Love,
Bruce
Aw thats so nice u visited ur parents 🙂 Glad ur doing well. Amazing what Os does 4 God. And You 2. Thank you! Idk if i do..esp today in the workplace.. confusions again..as the apt lease agt and all anothr day..Im so tired but was angry @ that..cross my leg to not..sit still or not..type or..tired..yet..I hope i do 4 God what im 2..i get confused there 2..Wish support groups in the flesh..Would b nice chat on here 2. B safe traveling..<3
I would love to hear more somewhere about how people are surviving in terms of income and work. My son’s life has been derailed before he got started – wasn’t able to get through college, or work. He is terrified of the future even when he does recover, without an education or skills. This adds significantly to the depression and anxiety and hopelessness….all of which puts added stress on the recovery process. vicious cycle. How do people survive – what do people do to earn a living, even if meager. He feels he can’t learn new skills at this time, as his brain is impaired as well as his body. Every time he tries, he fails. Yet obsesses about the future.
I’d to keep hearing more about your own wd progress and even past wd journey as that gives me hope that one day I’ll be healed too. I need hope and others’ healing journey stories. I rejoice in hearing and reading about them. How are you feeling in your body? Is the pain receding? Do you sleep better now?
Anne
My sleep is remarkably better. In the first year off, I would wake up about every 45-90 minutes in utter, indescribable terror. I often felt as if I was being smothered, and the electric feeling/pain/stinging/burning would sweep through my entire body. It was hell, to put it mildy. I thought I would never sleep normally again. I’m grateful I have healed from those awful times.
I go to sleep and can generally fall asleep within 10 minutes. Some nights it takes longer. I can sleep through the night on rare occasions. I usually wake up at least once, roll over, and go back to sleep. I get about 6-8 hours of good sleep now. I feel I will only continue to heal in this arena as well as in the pain arena.
My body still has a ways to go to heal. I still have some tingling (full body) bone and muscle pain, head pressure, woozy feelings, some digestive issues, tinnitus, etc. But I have a full life. I can travel, write, be around people, etc. I do limit my stress. I don’t watch tv (don’t own one!) and I do not allow drama to enter my life if I can avoid it. I prefer to be out in nature than around the hubbub of a city or a large office. I rest when I am tired, and I dont stress about the future. I have learned how to give ALL my troubles over to God and I know HE is in charge. That has reduced my anxiety about the future tremendously.So I am very stress free these days.
I love my life like never before. I am the happiest I have been, ever! I thought the years being a mother to my four children were my “golden” years. I was wrong. These are the golden years…. there is so much hope and promise with what God is doing in my life. I look forward to waking up each and every day to begin the new adventure. What a very different feeling than when I was in withdrawal so badly. I dreaded going to sleep for a knew I would wake up terrified all throughout the day and I knew the daylight hours were going to be a living hell. Now, they are like heaven!
Keep healing. You will get here. We all do. I think in a few more years I will be almost 100% healed. I doubt my ear ringing will be healed, but the rest should eventually go away.
That’s wonderful news Jenn! Keep sharing your great news. We all love hearing it. I hang onto your every word.
Hey Jen we live in Birmingham Al and would love to have you stop in on your way home. We can definitely put you up for a night or two if you would like. Just send me an email. Thanks.
Randy