is to be healed from benzo withdrawal syndrome. I don’t want a pony. A new doll. (I should want world peace, but I know that’s never going to happen so why waste my wish?) Nope, I just want good health.  Good health for my mind, body, and soul. I’ve asked God for good health Santa, but he must be busy trying to cope with the mess the world is in, or maybe he’s busying making a new universe, I don’t know. All I know is I am still sick. And it makes me very sad. It makes my family sad too. They really miss their old mom. She was fun, full of energy and full of life. She was always ready for an adventure. That’s not who I am anymore Santa. I spend most of my time on my couch, or out in the garden. Don’t get me wrong, I love my garden. But three years of sitting in it every day has gotten old. I can’t drive too far anymore Santa, so my world has gotten pretty small.

Santa, this Christmas will be my 5th one spent being benzo sick. It breaks my heart to think of being unable to feel the joy I used to feel during the holidays. I loved the change of seasons. The crisp mornings that held such promise of a new, exciting day. I loved spending time shopping for my children. Now, I am on food stamps Santa. There is no money for the essentials, let alone for gifts to give. Benzo withdrawal took away so much from me Santa. Unable to work for years, I drained my savings. I don’t wish for more money, I just want to be healthy so I am able to earn money again. I want to be useful.

I woke up this morning to a burning/painful spine, bone pain, muscle pain and spasms, feeling like I am being crushed, tingles all over which hurt, head pressure, weakness, fatigue, woozy feeling, depression, and overall a sense of…. hopelessness that I’ll never wake up from this nightmare. It is hard to hold onto hope that things will get better when it is the same thing day after day after day after day, after year, after year, after year.

Dear Santa, I’ve got a lot of friends who are benzo sick too. If you could heal them too, that would be great. We would all appreciate it. The day i can sit here and write that I don’t have any symptoms and share that with them will be amazing. Can you help make that happen Santa?

BTW, In case you haven’t been watching me, I’ve been REALLY good. I practice gratitude, I am kind, forgiving, I am honest and I do good deeds when I can. I do swear sometimes Santa, but who wouldn’t when they are in so much pain, you know? I put out dog biscuits and water for the dogs being walked in the front yard and I feed the squirrels too. My house isn’t as clean as it could be, but I am doing my best with a painful body.

So whaddya say Santa? Will you bring me good health for Christmas? I’ll make sure I leave the front door unlocked so you can come in. I’ll leave you a glass of milk and some homemade cookies. Is chocolate chip ok with you? I can leave something for the reindeer too, just let me know what they would like. I’m not up on reindeer snacks.

Thanks a lot for considering.