I read forum posts and I am amazed at how many times people write that they had “the worst withdrawal symptoms ever!” It is almost as if it is a contest as to who suffered the most. Granted, benzo withdrawal is more than unpleasant. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But, the way we language things and experience things impacts our brains, for better or worse.
I can’t help but wonder if those of us who suffer from “the worst withdrawal ever!” would feel better if we changed our thinking.
Before anyone thinks I have not suffered, so it is easier for me to say “change your thinking,” I have paid my benzo dues. I tapered for eight month and was bedridden many months. I was told to up my dose, as I was too sick. I did, and shortly began to taper again. My sickness continued to get worse. I finally reached out to an addiction doctor and allowed him to move me over to phenobarbital. I swallowed my last benzo on June 22! I detoxed at home for a few days until my symptoms got too much to bear. My doctor put me in the hospital. I hallucinated, shook for hours on end, and felt I was going insane. It was unpleasant, to say the least. But, I survived. And now, I intend to thrive as I continue my recovery.
How we think affects us on a cellular level. Our beliefs can change our bodies and brains. If we continually set the bar that we have or are “suffering the worst withdrawal symptom(s) ever,” then, we create a belief system that is going to magnify every sensation in our body so that we will assuredly, have a rougher time.
This is not to say to ignore what we have experienced. It is good to honor what we have been through. However, don’t turn it into a catastrophe. I have had to quit work, live off of savings, and I have no idea when I will be well enough to work again. But it is not a catastrophe. It just is that is is. I get to decide how to think and feel about it, and frankly, I choose to think about it as neutrally as possible. I want more peace in my life. It starts with my thinking. My choice of how to feel about things.
When you chose to think more positively about yourself and your experiences, you are literally rewiring your brain for the better.
I encourage you to think carefully about how you talk about your symptoms. Yes, they can be overwhelming and we need to reach out to others who can hold our hands as we find our way. But please don’t keep focusing on how awful things are. There is still plenty of good in life, even in withdrawal. Focus on the ways your body DOES work! For instance, I am quite weak and dizzy. Walking is an effort. But every time I get up and walk, I thank the cells in my body for doing whatever it is they do to allow me to walk, even in my withdrawal state. I am grateful I CAN walk!
I hope that you can hold onto a positive attitude towards your recovery. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world, it just is what it is. You will get through it. You will heal. Its our choice to decide how we feel about things. I don’t want to waste a single day feeling sorry for myself, or hating my life just because it is not the life I expected to be living right now. It is still my life, and I am grateful I am still on the planet, even if I am here with a benzo damaged brain and body. I am alive!! I intend to keep changing my thinking to change my brain and body so I am happier and healthier.
All the best to your brain and body,
Dr. Jenn
I hope I am not intruding here but having just read this post
“Change your thinking, change your withdrawal brain ” I am not addicted to Benzo but I have been through withdrawal. I completely understand all you say. I salute your attitude and I hope that I can say in truth that I try to face the world every day with hope, gratitude and grace.
I am taking Tramadol , Gabapentin and a cocktail of other drugs to off set the side effects of each other …I hope that makes sense. I had an accident in which I broke my back and have had two operations on my back as a result I am left with a lot of pain.
Last year the hospital decided to change my medication they did not warn me that tapering one tablet down in a week then starting the other would cause me so much agony. I had to see my Dr after three days and he had to slow down the tapering of the pregrabalin. I will not go into the symptoms I had for the next few months as I am sure you know what I am talking about.
I know I am addicted to the Tramadol and the Gabapentin , I still have pain but it is so much worse if I do not take my medication so I feel I have no choice but to carry on.
That said I am so grateful that I can stand , I can only walk with a walking stick , I may be slow but I can walk. I always get where I am going. I can drive an automatic car ..not too far (yet) but I can drive it .
I have found poetry to be a great help to me and along with some flippant and happy little poems I have managed to face my deepest darkest fears and write them down on the page . I have addressed my anger and my terrors!
I hope that you and all your readers will find the path through this dark place , I hope I can too . I have known pain, deep dark depression but I have known happiness too. I wish you and me the grace to love and be loved and so grow . I wish you all hope I know I need it too. willow