I’ve always been a bit impulsive. When I get an idea, I don’t always take the time to think things through, I jump in the deep end and start swimming. It was no different when I started feeling better as withdrawal receded. At three years I jumped back into life as if nothing had ever happened to me. I pushed myself, eager to make up for “lost” time. But I wasn’t healed enough. I had one of my very worst waves. It almost took me down.
My first bit of advice to you as you rebuild your life: make CERTAIN you are well enough to deal with life/work stress before you dive back into normal life.
After the wave of fear/terror/anxiety/depression/intrusive thoughts/suicidal ideation/panic/derealization/weakness etc., left I decided to be more loving and kind to myself and ease back into life. (And then I decided, what the hell, and rented a van, and am driving across the USA, but that’s another post!)
How To Build Your Confidence
When I think about rebuilding confidence, I see a picture in my mind of someone assembling a bicycle. They are sitting in front of a zillion parts, a bit confused and maybe overwhelmed, but they know that once they put everything together, they will have a great vehicle that they can ride to where they want to go. So let’s look first at the parts you will need to assemble:
1. Positive attitude
2. Patience
3. Listening skills
4. Humor/Playfulness
5. Purpose
6. Faith
7. Forgiveness
8. Gratitude
9. Service
10. Financial plan
I’ll be posting over the next few weeks about each of these parts and how they play a role in you being able to get back out into life to rebuild and to be happy and healthy.
I will be holding a webinar on building confidence this spring, when I am back home in California. If you are interested, please feel free to contact me.
Blessings to you as you continue to heal. I can’t wait to greet you on this side!
Jennifer
Greetings Jennifer,
I have been following your ‘lead’ through your benzo recovery journey as I have been traveling my own ‘camino’ challenge–just about ready to hand The Benzo Blunder/ a memoir to a fine teacher, writer, editor. Do glimpse my odyssey among the pages of http://www.AdvocateForSocialReform.com, my first Cyber universe experience—now tapped into by folks in many countries–as I’m sure your work has also found its way into places not accessible on a road trip around the USA.
Your ‘letter to doctors’ is excellent. I would like to post in on my cybersite in more than one of its pages.
In addition to my little treatise chronicling my own nose dive into benzo Purgatory, only recently aware that I am probably 95% recovered from the benzo blunder that took over my life for so long, I am planning a rather audacious event:
AN INTERNATIONAL BENZODIAZEPINE SYMPOSIUM
The Benzo Blunder
Bend, Oregon, USA
A gathering of people in the United States and abroad–health care professionals, neurological researchers, government officials, pharmaceutical representatives, contemporary theologians, former and current benzo dependent patients–people on either side of the benzo blunder that has impacted millions of people’s brains– and how we are going to work our way out of a 60-year travesty, applying principles of ‘ethical responsibility’ and ‘restorative justice’ as models for conflict resolution.
Plans may include ‘teleconferencing’ for those who would like to participate but cannot venture to Bend, Oregon, a Central Oregon small city appealing to year round visitors.
May 2017
List of participants forthcoming
Marjorie Meret-Carmen, M.Ed.
(those interested in being on an email list as plans progress, please email me at meretcarmen@aol.com.)
If this message reaches you, I can be reached at…
meretcarmen@aol.com 541-312-1740 IPhone: 541-728-8600
This is incredible. I am not ready to think about it too i depth but my counselor recommended trying to picture my future with out drugs. Just seeing your list helps me to imagine a little from the sage comfort of my chair!!!
Thank you!!!
I am so glad it helped. You may not be able to see your life without drugs YET, but one day, you will see that you CAN and WILL live a FULL and happy life, if you take the steps to truly rest in the peace that is available to everyone. I’m living proof. 🙂 Keep healing.
Thanks! Sorry about my typos, think the idea was there. I am still withdrawal btw, but I that it important and possible for us all to look hard at what made us think we needed these drugs, what are we really wanting to see in our life.
It is scary to dream at this point but I am peeking out under the covers and daring to dream sometimes!
Hi dear Jennifer.
It is really amazing how your posts get to me right when I need it more.
I wish my english was better, but let me tell you that what you describe about the wave is EXACTLY what happened to me last week until yesterday;7 days of a nasty wave,after been feeling quite good for several weeks.
As you say, I jumped into the water, w/o thinking the consecuences, and BAAAM!!
At 2 and a half years off from a nasty antidepressant (Effexor) I’m learning how to deal and manage the monster.
Your posts are gold for me.
You are a brave corageous woman.
Sending all my love and admiration from tiny Costa Rica.
Sounds good n look 4ward 2 That. Need my confidence back more. 13 months off n counting. Wish i could go 2 ur webinar Thank you 🙂
Thank you! Your posts are always so helpful and keep them coming!!!
I just love it when I see a post from you, Jenn. You have encouraged me so much and have been a lifeline to me in so many ways. Just knowing there are others out there who have been courageous enough to take on the demons of prescription drug abuse (caused by well meaning doctors). Some may not be so well meaning. There is so much I want to do yet in this life and know that I have been given a 2nd chance. Right now I am working on trying to get some strength back as I have been so sedentary since I was in a coma caused by Klonopin. Pretty scary to say the least. It is a struggle but know it can be overcome–need to take one day at a time. We are all in this together and know that God will help us ovecome if we just trust Him.
You got hit hard from the benzo, that’s for sure. Please take it easy. You are healing. Give it time. The one day at a time formula you are using works wonderfully.
Let us know if we can support you in any way.
Hello and sending love! Thank for writing. Let us know if we can be of help to you. You’ve got a good chunk of healing under your belt. Keep going.
Your comment has posted here in its entirety. Your conference sounds like a great event. Please keep us posted with details. BLessings.