I have been seriously considering creating a benzo survivor summit to be held summer 2014 in either San Fran or Aspen. If it were a perfect world Bliss Johns, Matt Sammet, Geraldine Burns and others who blazed the trail for us would attend. We would have time to share our stories, but most importantly our hope and strength for the future. We would help each other find out way in the world, no matter where we are on the recovery path.
There would be music, meditation, hiking, playing, laughing, art, cooking, community. For one glorious weekend of love and friendship.
We belong to an amazing family: benzo survivors. I want to one day honor our accomplishments, honor our bond with life and with each other.
Although benzo withdrawal has been the most hellish experience I ever hope to have to cope with, it has given me so much. Many friends, a deeper awareness of who I truly am at my core, a deeper connection with LIFE, and with god as I understand god. I lost all material wealth but I found a deep richness in life I had always yearned for. A richness that money can’t buy, a pill can’t create or a drink give me. I am closing in on 24 months off. I’ll post an update then. The mental has gotten amazingly better in the past 72 hours. I am so grateful!!
If anyone has an interest in fleshing out the idea of a survivor summit, please contact me with ideas or suggestions. I welcome the opportunity to co create the event if there is enough interest in one.
Know that you will heal. I had given up hope months ago, but I am being rewarded with good mental days now. The anxiety is lifting, as well as the depression. I continue to garden, and continue to enjoy the company of all the people who find their way into my garden. I am grateful for my little yard! I may have to move next month if the new owner of my building wants the old tenants out. I will be sad, as I have no idea where I would go. But I trust that no matter what happens, I will be taken care of, one way or the other. I have learned to trust, and to let go of the need to control. That gives me an enormous space in my heart for happiness. Acceptance is everything in withdrawal and in life. When you can accept life on life’s terms, you will be so much happier.
I hope everyone is holding on. I know it’s a tiring journey. A hard journey. But it is a journey that comes to an end. One day. One step at a time.
I wish you all love, health and happiness. Thank you all for being there with me through this. Thanks for the emails. Keep reaching out when you need help. We are in this together.
Best,
Jenn
Hi,good to hear you are getting better.I am wondering what kind of Dr are you? Take care!! Rob Date: Tue, 11 Jun 2013 18:54:13 +0000 To: rtg57@hotmail.com
Hi Jenn, There’s no way that I would be able to attend. Not in my condition. It sounds wonderful though. I really do need some support and there are no benzo people writing to me. would you write, even now and then? I would appreciate it. I feel so disoriented and unreal today, and Grant has been angry & verbally abusive and threatening not to cook or shop for me, anymore. I have done nothing wrong, and I need help. do you know of anyone who would come to Santa Fe, and cook and shop for me, and keep me company on some days, from 4-6pm. I am offering acpuncture treatments in return, and Grant is willing to pay someone $50/week. It is so hard to face this, day after day. Love, Aryana
I’m 65. I feel it’s too late in the game for me. I don’t want to give into despair but its so tough living.
Dear Jenn,
Thank you for that post so filled with hope and inspiration.
I’m so glad things are turning around for you and that you’re sharing your progress so that we all know we will heal. Love.
Hey Jenn-
Sounds like a great idea. I would be all in if I knew I would be well by then. Fingers crossed. Glad to hear you’re still improving…hopefully the final “push” of healing will come for you soon.
Much love, Nicole
P.S. I vote Colorado!!
I don’t see much hope for me. I don’t want to give into despair but this tapering doesn’t seem to be working. Are there Benzo treatment centres that just focus on Benzo addiction?
Sent from my iPhone
I am sorry you are having so much trouble in your taper. Sadly it’s a very common story. After 8 months of torture I jumped with the help of pheno so I didn’t seize. So I’m über sympathetic to your suffering.
I’m unaware of any rehab, hospital or institution that takes good care of Benzo patients. The “best” recovery/addiction doctor here knew NOTHING about benzos or withdrawal. Sadly that’s a common story. One if the best in patient hospitals in Arizona, Sierra Tuscon was handing out benzos and taking people off of high dosages in a matter of days. Criminal.
There is an enormous need for education about benzos. And of course restrictions on their use.
How can the community here help you? What can you do to create a support team at home?
Let us know. Above all don’t give up hope.
I was as sick as sick can be. And I’m out in the world now. Not healed. But getting there. Never lose sight that this illness is one that you will recover from if you keep going.
Best, Jennifer
Hi Jenn,
Great idea! I’ve been to San Fran and Aspen….either one is good for me as I know I’ll be healed and in top notch shape well before next summer.
It’s pretty amazing the tail end of tapering for me…not sure what to expect as I heal, but I know it’s going to be a new world full of hopes, joys and an adventure that I’m looking forward to. I have a very positive mindset which gives me strength…earning by learning.
I went through a 3-4 week period recently feeling very rough, worn out and just being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I woke up Thursday morning feeling pretty damn good, and have felt good since.
At times I feel like I’m starring in a movie created by Rod Serling, Alfred Hitchcock and Stephen King….yet I do grasp the concept that the benzo brain is still active and trying it’s hardest to derail my train…not going to happen.
I’ve shared my story with several people locally and some have been very positive and supportive while a few remarked they didn’t know I was a drug addict….too funny!
I used to feel I needed a support group with people I know and interact with on a regular basis…these days I accept it’s just me and “Blaine the Pain Train” making a bizarre journey to Tapersville. It’s not the end of the ride, but it will be for Blaine Benzo and all his demon buddies…never lacking in the sense of humor department or the realm of reality.
For the comments and replies I’ve read, I really don’t know what to say that wouldn’t be redundant from Jenn’s excerpts and suggestions. It does get better and healing will happen….hang in there with hope, strength and knowledge….easier said than done, plus I am well aware that it is a very different ride for everyone.
I’ll share one thing I did that made a tremendous impact on my tapering experience as I started the program and continue towards the finish line.
I empowered myself with as much knowledge as I could stuff into the “memory warehouse” of my brain. I consider this knowledge as power. I keep educating myself, learning as I go along to have as many tools at my disposal to build and mold my success. I don’t accept everything I research or read…I tend to “cherry pick” what works for me with common sense and what I’ve learned/experienced along the way.
I know this is “tough living”, yet I choose to embrace this as “living tough”.
As I read your latest post, I’m very happy for you Jenn! We all deserve a better life without benzo’s and you didn’t just stumble upon it, you earned it…congrats!
BTW: If this reunion does happen, and we choose San Fran, can I bring my paisley shirts from the 1970’s? I’ll leave the bell bottom pants at home -:)
Best to all….Mark in Texas
Jennifer
I am on board completely and want to help put this summit together. Fantastic idea. I am so grateful to you for your posts. I think of you often and so happy that there are more good days or windows, as my son calls them, as time goes. You are an inspiration and a friend to all who feel so alone and alone and misunderstood aka crazy. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how many people discount, roll their eyes, chuckle almost , and look at me or Dan or my other 3 kids like we all gave 3 heads when any of us try to explain this journey. Would love to see pictures of your lovely garden. We intended to start one but were daunted by the undertaking and not having a clue where to begin, it’s too bad, but Danny does get out there every week and makes our lawn front and back look cared for and better than ever. I think of you and pray for you and your healing journey. Thank you so much …best. Kim Danny is about 10 months into this….the good days are not frequent but so hopeful. He is 24 years old and an amazing young man. My oldest of 4.
Sent from my iPad
Jen,
Somehow I just found this site. Three weeks ago today I completed a year long taper from xanax. I have a long way to go to full health but am so thankful I am on my way. I am active on a web support group and often wish we could meet. I love the idea of a summit. Both California or Colorado are convenient for me. I believe my work as an RN and the benzodiazepine experience will lead me to a new focus. My story needs to be told. Docs need to be aware of withdrawal potential. Why isn’t this front page news? Keep me posted….maybe we will meet next summer…I plan to be well!
Carrie
Jenn,
I would love to attend a summit in San Francisco. I live in the bay area. Please keep us updated with more info. 🙂
Thanks!
Hi Dr Jenn,
I would love to attend a summit in San Francisco. It would really mean a lot to me to be able to connect with others face to face who have been through this. I live in the bay area and might be moving to SF in a few months, actually so that would be just perfect for me.
Please keep us updated. 🙂
L