Today I celebrated 33 months free.
I am pleased to say ALL the mental symptoms associated with withdrawal are gone. Vanished. It took a long time, and I was hit very hard with them. But they are a thing of the past. Whew!
I still battle body symptoms. I got hit with a very bad wave last week. I was in bed quite a bit. I was in too much bone pain to be up and about. Too dizzy, weak, head pressure, and tingling too. I have struggled with intense tingling ever since my taper, which started October 2010. My hunch is it will be one of the last symptoms to go.
Even though the wave rolled in, I am happy. I am writing a new book and working on my career. I pray every day for guidance. I trust that God will put me where I can best use the talents he gave me.
I no longer look back over my shoulder. I don’t look too far ahead. I’ve learned how to stay in this moment. Everything is perfect in this present moment. I wasn’t able to feel that peace and serenity in the midst of withdrawal, however. I was so terribly frightened. Anxious.Terror. Blackness. You know what I am talking about. It was unbearable. But all that is gone. I have my mind back. I feel peace. I feel love. I feel joy. I feel deep compassion for others. I also feel a sense of duty to myself I didn’t have before withdrawal. I love and care for myself now in ways I never could have before. It’s quite lovely.
Yes, life is looking up these days. I am grateful for the many, many, blessings God has bestowed upon me. First and foremost, God gave me life. What an amazing gift. I got an invitation to this amazing world! I want the rest of my life to be lived as a prayer of thanks.
I’m free. I’m healing. I’m grateful. My garden is bursting with life. My heart is full of love.
Blessings to you all as you continue to put another 24 hours together benzo free and healing. Every day your brain is working hard to right itself from the damage from benzos.
Thank you to each and every one of you who has gone on this journey with me. Thank you for taking the time to read my words I put out to the universe through this blog. Your kind energy is felt and appreciated. I hope my words help you on your journey. I hold you all in my heart. I pray for you every night.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer
I’m 10 months behind you, well 2 years off benzo’s and 80 days off antidepressants, I feel things have even more intense since I tappered off the antidepressant?
Yesterday was tough for me, just thought I cant do this no more but somehow got through it once again. you sure have to dig deap some days.
I will keep plodding on one day at a time in crazy withdrawal land.
Well done on your 33 months and continuous improvement.
Thanks.
Martin.
Dear Jenn….Happy days, happy trails to you! I think the mental anguish is so much worse than the physical sxs. So much harder to overcome because they rip away your hope and tell you such lies about the future. And for those of us who face these awful black thoughts everyday, hang in there. We all heal, don’t give up, don’t give in. I fight them daily and I know how they can drag you down. But just listen to Jenn and take heart. I do.
God bless and thanks Jenn for sharing your joy.
Karen
Jenn, I love your idea of living life as a prayer of thanks. What a beautiful way to live and a huge inspiration to others. I’m so glad your healing is moving forward.
Love and healing to all.
I love reading your stuff its really cool. Im nearly two years off and feeling pretty much the same way just love life its an amazing gift after c/t of 4mg of Xanax and the horrors of that feel so blessed to be still in this world. More power to you just keep loving life. I cant get over how amazing life is and I never knew this before. I feel like im operating on a higher level of consciousness that I am so embracing if this makes sense haha. Good on you for all the amazing work you are doing. Just a note im so thankful for the experience of benzo withdrawal now don’t get me wrong I sure as hell don’t want to go through it again however wow my life was far less compared to the opportunities I have now. Just keep holding on everyone you clearly do recover even though the process is oh so slow you just must get through day after day until it eases. Never ever give up the journey is worth it.
Kind regards Jenn
You have been so courageous through your battle…good to hear that some of the horrible symptoms have gone away…I guess it takes time and strength. I too hope that my symptoms will go away sooner rather than later!
Xoxo Michelle
Congrats!!
Jenn, have you seen the attached article? It is one of the few that is an honest discussion and well referenced.
http://www.self.com/health/2014/02/xanax-more-harmful-than-you-think?currentPage=5
I am off klonipin, Valium, nefazadone, kadian (oral morphine), oxycodone, gabapentin, tramadol. Still on Elavil.
Started weaning 12/2011. Struggle with ringing in ears, body tension, fear, feel overwhelmed, insomnia. Use spiritual principles of 12 step recovery to cope. I fight negativity by making gratitude list. Feel exhausted and am going through the motions. I’m better than I was one year ago. Need to stay in the moment. Thank you for your inspiration.
I certainly hear you about the numbness and tingling! I have it to such a degree that I feel as tho the insides of my body are as keep as well. Can actually feel my throat tingling. I can’t stand to touch anything or to be touched. Eating is excruciating as every thing tastes and feels like a mouthful of sandy mud. The dp/dr are here every second. I have been off for3 months give or take 2 days. When I hear you say 33 months it scares me so badly. What strength you had to have had. I live from moment to moment and act as if. Glad to hear you sound so positive even amidst some continued physical pain.
I’ve written before about my son, Kevin. He was tapered in 3 weeks and since September has had terrible withdrawal symptoms. Today has been particularly bad. He feels like his head is about to explode, like his brain is going to melt and land in the floor. He feels like he is on a boat, rocking back and forth, up and down. He is terribly depressed and scared that this is going to last forever. He is having trouble holding on today. Trying to believe that he is actually healing. Will it ever end??
Yes. It will. Sorry he’s suffering so much. Please tell
Him it will get better. In time.
I sent his e-mail address to you under the contact you section. I think it would do him good to talk with you.
Thank you, Jennifer, for this wonderful blog. It helps me to read a message that is inspiring and from someone who has been through the living hell that so many of us have experienced.
Please tell me there is life after this horrible nightmare?? I’m 59 days totally off all klonopin. I’m 11 mos into the detox and still having major fear and anxiety and panic… Feel like I’m still not going to make it.. Please tell me this will pass.. So terrified!!!
Hi Diane.
It does get easier with time.
Try to do one day at a tine.
Time is the healer!
Take care.
Martin.