I had thought I would be more healed so I am a bit discouraged but holding on still to hope that this will end one day.
My emotions are a bit better in that fear is slowly going away, however it gives way to a sadness that is pervasive. I don’t see death everywhere anymore but I see futility or sorrow. It is as if all my past traumas have come back all at once and I must wade through them again, feel them, and heal them.
I also have intense self-loathing at times, which I have been told by those who have healed that they experienced this as well. I am grateful that I am not thinking about death every moment anymore, but the sorrow and loathing is hard to cope with.
I find myself back on the couch for long stretches as I am in too much pain to move, or I have zero motivation.
I am doing my best to resurrect my old career, yet not much gets done as I don’t have the stamina to keep a sustained effort going.
The bone and muscle pain is debilitating at times.
I continue to read success stories, and email or skype with those who have healed. I keep hearing that three years was about the time frame for most to get back into life full time.
I know my brain is not so special that it will not heal. I know it will. It is just taking far more time than I hoped.
I don’t know if I will need help to cope with the PTSD from withdrawal or if when my receptors are healed I will be able to go on my merry way and not think about the horror I have survived. My hunch is I will move on and this will be just another chapter in my life.
For all of you still bravely marching through this crap, keep going. Don’t give up. We will heal. One day.
Here is my list of sx:
tinnitus, feet pain, bone pain, muscle pain, eye pain, tight band around head, cog fog, depression, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, intrusive thought, intrusive feelings, emotional roller coaster, broken sleep, waking in panic, dread, tooth pain, tingles, burning, tight muscle, flashing lights on side of eyes, blurred vision, weak legs, finger pain, hand pain, smells to strong, crushing fatigue, looping thoughts, spontaneous crying, nightmares, sweats, benzo belly, burning spine, chest pain, nerve pain, memory issues, feeling overwhelmed by simple life demands…
What I do to hold on these days is to watch movies, go out and be around people, visit an AA meeting, garden when it is not to cold or rainy. I do my best to tell the negative self chatter, which is every second of every day, to fuck off. Pardon the potty mouth, but that is what I say. I realize that I have a brain in distress and it is NOT me. I am not my mind. I am somewhere inside of a sick body and a brain that is damaged and healing. I do my best to just observe my thoughts and feelings and to not buy into their doom/gloom.
I am better than a year ago, but clearly have a ways to go still.Welcome to protracted benzo withdrawal. Lucky me. 🙂
You can do it!
Prayer is the answer–no task is too hard for God! I am 13 and 1/2 months off and much better, but still having brain fog, muscle and joint pain, tinnitus and anxiety. God is helping me through this–He will help you too.
Dear dr its my second mail because i just got thru my
withrawal and those neae death feelings !!! Chased me all my
withrawal. But again is like having an open wound that if you touch
it it hurts but when it heals it wont hurr no more! Same with this
when tou heal your toughts and feelings just wont connect anymore
you will remember it with no pstd at all it all will fwel normal
again and tou will be able to live and enjoy life again i ask
myself the same things all thru my wirthrawal. But my opinion is
everything goes away totally!!! You just will be stronger and wiser
thats all hang in there is whort it. T
Hi dr Jennifer how are you doing how do u manage with your symptoms I’m having really bad dicussting thoughts what are the thoughts are you experiencing so far?
You will heal. 110% belive me it will happend no. Doubt
about it! Just hang in there. It just take longer than a broken
bone. But you brain and body will do what they need to do and that
is healing ok. !! Joel martinez.
Just keep going forward , I wear the mask , it slips occasionally but usually in my my posting!