I’m stuck in the story I tell myself: I’ll never heal, I’ll need medication all of my life, I have a broken CNS, I can’t do too much because it stresses me out, I need to avoid people, etc. etc. etc.
Bullshit.
It’s all just a story. I can make up a new story: I am fine just the way I am. I am healing. I have an opportunity to get to know the real me, see what I am made of.
I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself and so whiny and needy. Poor Don, Matt, Pam, Colleen and Bliss…they’ve answered emails and calls from me, frantic for reassurance that this wave will end, and that this is not who I will be forever. I’m keeping the drama going because I am buying into the (very) limiting story I have created in my mind.
My mind. Wow, what a piece of shit it has been lately. It is not my friend, that is for sure.
I am doing my best to ignore it and to keep doing the next right thing, no matter how shaky my legs, or how tight my chest, or how bad the electric buzz of anxiety feels in my body.
I decided today to get back on my feet and fight again. I’m lacing up my gloves, withdrawal. Watch out! I’m tired of being your bitch. 🙂
Onwards.
Bring it Jennifer!! Welcome back!!
Thanks. I’m back. Determined to live better than this. I really let this crap beat me down. Gotta get back up.
Welcome back Jennifer! You can do it!!!!! You are so much stronger then this!
JENNIFER!! Go U!! Thats exactly what ive been like!! And KEEP fighting!! No way is itvgo’n to stop US all!! U can DO it Jenifer!! Thank U!!
Oh Jennifer, you are such an answer to prayer this morning. I really needed encouragement to get through this day. This two month wave has left me whiny and needy also. I’ve got to get through a busy week and was wondering how I was going to do it. I’m going to follow your lead and lace up my gloves and give it everything I’ve got. We can do it. We just need each other. Welcome back Jennifer. You were missed. You make a difference. Diane Murphy
I am so sorry you had another wave, Jenn. I am 33 mos. off my poison and I am getting whiny and needy too. We just get SO tired. We need each other. Your blog means so much to us all. I will look forward to hearing from you again. Keep fighting and I will too.
I agree with you when you write ‘it’s all a story’. A story we tell ourselves. The mind and the body have a capacity to heal themselves. We simply need to give the natural processes a chance. Taking more drugs is a crude answer and what is needed is subtlety. I don’t know the path because it is hidden, but as surely as the sun shines and cherries taste good, the path to health is there.
Yes! You’ve come so far. I’m glad you’ve found a pocketful of new fight for this round. You will beat this.
Welcome back Jenn. I’m so glad you found your strength again. God bless you. Keep fighting.
“I ain’t goin down again.” – Rocky Balboa
Atta girl Jenn….you can do it….you are in the last stretch of this horror…keep going! I needed to read that today myself….so thank you!
I admire you so much Jenn & how determine you are in fighting back!!
so good to see you back. this is a very difficult road to travel, and we all move along it at our own pace. sometimes I just have to stop and sit on the berm and wait till I can get my feet back under me. best wishes on your continued journey, and thank you for sharing your experience. it’s a lonely walk, but being able to write about your experience is helping others in ways you can’t imagine.
Hope you start to feel better soon, Jennifer. Sorry that the mj didn’t help. There’s a lot of trial and error in using that stuff for WD, so I hope that you purchased a big variety of the different products and got to experiment with many different things to give it a fair try. Everyone is very individual as to what works for them, what to take, how often, when to take it, etc… I’ve counseled many WD folks about this and pretty much everyone who has tried most of the different things I’ve suggested, has gotten significant relief from the hellish WD symptoms. Maybe you haven’t played with it enough or tried enough of the different things????
Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world getting through this. If I can be of any further help, please let me know. I, personally, have been off Klonopin for 14 months and have a few more weeks left in my 11 month taper from the poisonous Remeron. The last month or so has been pretty awfull as I’ve approached 95% reduction, but the MJ makes life tolerable while going through it. For me, it’s been all about making life bearable while I’m healing and the pot has made this possible.
Hope you feel better soon.
David Kaplan
Date: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 04:34:40 +0000 To: dkaplan424@msn.com
Before I went to bed last night I saw your post and was just thrilled to say the least. It is such a blessing to have you in my life and I look forward to your encouragement and truthfulness even when you are feeling down. It is just good to know that we aren’t alone in this battle and are there for each other. I am just envisioning you putting on your boxing gloves. Ready for the battle and hoping that the end is getting near.
Thanks for sending the great Elvis song. I can’t believe that I have never heard it before but it will be one of my favorites.
That is fighting talk Jennifer go to it and win!!
Welcome back. Missed you
Thank you Jennifer for email me. I enjoyed reading it and encourages me to go on even though I am in a big mental wave. We will heal, we will heal and I keep telling myself. The crazy Benzo mind will no longer ruin us. Take care and I’m think of you often and wish you the best. Stephanie
Dr. Jenn! Thank you soooo much for coming back. I just hit the 1 year off mark, and experienced a terrible wave. We really need to stick together in this mess – AND this places offers a wonderful sense of community, so we know we are not alone. Hope to talk to you soon.
So glad you are back! God bless! You have been missed praying for you
So glad your back I wAs getting scared im mommyof2 on BB was just updosed again on librium due to the move for the 4 th tiime im now desperately trying to find my own strength and courage as I have physical and emotional sxs and havent dropped yet, but my health has gone to crap, ty for your supportive posts and info!