I sat with my best friend in her apartment, sharing all of my benzo withdrawal symptoms. She listened as she had done so many times before. Her facial expression changed when I got to the end of the laundry list of fears and complaints about my mental and physical health. She knitted her brows together in a frown. “You’ve got to stop talking about benzo withdrawal,” she said. I drew in a sharp breath of hurt and surprise. How could she tell me to stop talking about the most colossal, hideous, frightening thing that had ever happened to me?
It was true; I had talked nonstop about benzo withdrawal for a long time. But in my defense, being preoccupied with benzo withdrawal is a symptom of benzo withdrawal. In benzo withdrawal, or BIND (benzodiazepine-induced neurological dysfunction), our nervous system is in the “protect” state— fight, flight, or freeze. Because the state of our nervous system drives our thoughts and feelings, in benzo withdrawal, our thoughts will be negative, as that is what the protect state generates. We will be hyper-focused and preoccupied with ourselves and what we are experiencing.
We can’t stop the preoccupation with benzo withdrawal, but we can be mindful of how much time we spend talking about it. It’s hard, I know, to reel in the desire speak about it, but giving ourselves and our friends and family a break now and then from all things benzo withdrawal can be beneficial.
As we heal, our nervous system will be more able to shift into the default state called “connect,” and our preoccupation with benzo withdrawal will wane. We will be more and more focused on others and the world around us and less on ourselves and what we think and feel moment to moment. In the connect state, our thoughts will be positive.
Please don’t judge yourself for how self-focused you are in benzo withdrawal. You can’t help it. You aren’t doing anything bad or wrong. Benzo-driven self-centeredness is not the same as being selfish. It is not egotistically putting your needs before others. It is simply another benzo withdrawal symptom born out of a hyperexcited nervous system that is, more times than not, in the protect state, creating negative thoughts and feelings.
My friend hurt my feelings when she told me to stop talking about benzo withdrawal. I thought she didn’t understand and wasn’t there for me. But she was right. When I stopped talking about it so often, my life became more positive and my preoccupation with benzo withdrawal lessened because I was able to move out of the protect state and into the connect state little by little.
You are going to get well. You are going to recover. Keep healing!
You are wonderful Jenn!
Thank you for hanging in here w all of us and giving us this healing perspective on things we cannot see…
You’re so smart. Anxiety over quitting benzos is quite real, because I feel it. It’s similar to being anxious about your anxiety. Personally, I’ve been anxious over my anxiety long after the original cause has dissipated. Questions like, will I ever be same become prevalent. Benzo buddies is a nice site with a lot of great sympathetic and empathetic individuals. Terrific people. However, spending too much time there can be harmful. The horror stories of those telling them…become your horror stories in your mind. Thank you so much for all you do.
You are welcome! The more we understand how our nervous system works, we can unlearn the anxiety response (flight, flight, freeze) and remain more in our default state of ventral vagal, the connect state. It takes some mindful practice, but we can overcome our pre-existing anxiety! Keep healing. Thanks for the comment.
You are so welcome! I know how challenging it is to recover from the chemical brain damage that benzos can cause, even when taken as prescribed! I am here to help in any way I can. Life is so precious. I want people to hold on and recover, because the other side of benzo withdrawal/BIND, is AMAZING!
Wow what a true observation. I had to really reflect back on myself. Going on my 5th year I can see how obsessed I was. The miracle of all miracles is I enrolled in a year long medical transcription course. It took all of my focus. I started it the first week of December. I graduated with honors on July 28th. I was convinced that I would not be able to succeed. In doing this it took all of my attention away from the benzo discomfort and misery. I am now looking forward to working in this career field as well as feeling so much better physically and mentally. Thank you again Dr. Jennifer. Barb DeCamp
I am so glad to hear you are better. I know you suffered for quite some time! Congrats on graduating with honors! Way to go!