When I think back to my taper and the months following my cold turkey, I am overwhelmed by the memories. It’s painful to remember what I experienced in benzo withdrawal. And it’s painful to know that many of you are experiencing some of the same things. Although there is no “cure” for benzo withdrawal other than time, there are some things you can do to help you cope with some of the intense symptoms. I’ve listed them here in no particular order.
Intrusive thoughts. My intrusive thoughts were brutal. They tortured me every moment of every day. I learned to cope with the thoughts by observing them. I stopped debating them or fighting them. I stopped trying to ignore them or outrun them. Instead, I faced them, eye-to-eye, and acknowledged them for what they were—a dysregulated nervous system. They were a body function, and nothing more. I reminded myself that eventually, they would fade away as my nervous system healed. I also made sure that I engaged my hands in some tasks because my mind would usually follow, giving me some relief from the incessant chatter in my head. If you are plagued with intrusive thoughts, know that they will go away. Until then, do your best to not let them worry you. They are not an indication that you are going crazy, or that you’ve suddenly developed OCD, or Borderline Personality Disorder or any of the other psych diagnoses that are often given to us in benzo withdrawal. Observe your thoughts and let them go. They are simply a body function, just as your burps, hiccups, farts, and sneezes are. You don’t fear those, so don’t fear your intrusive thoughts. Of course, if you are suffering from thoughts about suicide and you think you may act on them, seek immediate help.
Head pressure and dizziness. I could barely walk a straight line I was so dizzy. I didn’t have vertigo, but rather a sense of disequilibrium. My balance was off. I didn’t know where to place my feet when I walked, and often the ground felt as if it was moving underneath me. I coped with this by walking slowly. I also used a cane or a walker at times, especially when I felt weak. Head pressure often came with my dizziness, but sometimes it appeared on its own. I learned to cope with it by not fearing it. It was annoying, but I knew that it didn’t signify anything was horribly wrong with me. When it got really bad, I’d curl up on my couch and rest more. I did my best to avoid telling myself scary stories like “this is never going to go away.” Acceptance and a positive mental attitude help a great deal to reduce suffering.
Pain and burning. I had nerve pain, bone pain, joint pain, muscle pain, headaches, and burning skin, burning tongue, and a burning spine. I wanted to crawl out of my skin sometiines, it was so awful. Nothing I did really lowered my pain level, but I found that applying heat helped. I used a horseshoe-shaped heating pad that you warmed up in the microwave. I kept it around my back for hours at a time, warming it up as often as necessary. I also took warm showers when I was strong enough to stand up. I didn’t take pain meds of any kind—too scared—so I did my best to accept, rest, or to move my body, depending on what felt best. Sometimes gentle stretching helped. I also got very gentle massages, stroking only, no deep tissue work, and that helped a bit. Non-sexual touch is something we all need; it is very healing! Some people use ice packs or bags of frozen peas for their burning sensations while others soak in tepid water in the tub, or take a cool shower. Cold wash rags or towels can help. The good news is that both pain and burning will go away,
Panic, anxiety, fear. and terror. I was put on a benzo for anxiety and panic. What I experienced in benzo withdrawal made my pre-existing problems look like child’s play. It helps to know that anxiety, panic, fear, and terror are normal benzo withdrawal symptoms. They do not signal the onset of a permanent condition. Once the nervous system settles down, so too, will these scary symptoms. I coped with mine by allowing the thoughts and feelings to pass through me. I’d sit on the side of the bed, or couch, and rock side to side. I’d remind myself that I had experienced these things in the past and gotten through them safely. You want to remind yourself that you are safe. Never tell yourself something like “I am not dying.” as the brain doesn’t “hear” the word not. It picks up on the word dying. Tell yourself a positive message. Also, you can slow down your breathing. That is a direct signal to your nervous system that all is well, and can help the panic pass. Movement is also a good tool to use to cope as it helps the body metabolize stress hormones. If you don’t want to rock in place, you can take a gentle walk. Avoid pacing frantically, or running, as that will send a signal to your nervous system that there is a possible danger. A cold washrag to the back of the neck, ice water on the face, or a cold shower can also slow down a panic attack. I used to remind myself that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. I’d try to guess where I was in the process and tell myself that it would only be a little while longer and I’d feel better. I coped with the chemical anxiety by engaging in activities that kept my mind off of my body sensations. I also cried when I was overwhelmed. Crying helps lower stress hormones in the body and is quite helpful.
Derealization and depersonalization. I suffered with DR more than DP. But both were a nightmare. My DR made me feel as if I was walking around in a horror movie. I was so detached from reality! I hated it. My vision was blurry, distance was hard to measure and everything looked ominous. I didn’t feel that I was inhabiting real life, or that I was even in my body. I didn’t know who I was anymore! everything took on a weird dream-like quality. Nothing really helped reduce these symptoms, but I learned to take them in stride. I did my best to remind myself that I experienced them because my nervous system was hyper-excited. I found it helped to avoid bright lights, busy or crowded places, loud noises, or any stressful situation. My nervous system needed a lot of “quiet time” while I was in benzo withdrawal.
I know that there are other intense benzo symptoms that people suffer with; this list was by no means the complete story of what we go through in withdrawal. I hope that by sharing some of my symptoms and how I coped helps you. This October will be ten years since I began my taper off of the benzo I took for so many years. I am recovered and happy! I no longer have an anxiety disorder or panic attacks, my pre-existing emotional issues are long gone. My nervous system has been rewired. I am the best version of me I have ever been in my entire life! I know that you too, will recover and go on with your life in wonderful ways. Benzo withdrawal is an incredibly difficult challenge, but it is temporary, thankfully.
What symptoms do you have that are the most challenging? What do you do to cope? Leave a comment below, if you’d like to share with us.
I can relate intimately to the DP/DR and intrusive thoughts. At 8 months it seems to be worse and not better and that causes me more distress.
My most aggravating symptom the last couple months is being hyper aware of my voice and what I am saying to people. What I say, as well as the sound of my voice, are both unnerving. I never felt like this before BW. Is that also DP/DR?
Thanks for this x
03/30/2020 Dear Dr. Leigh, Tomorrow marks one year off .5 mg clonazepam cold turkey (cold turkey coerced by misinformed doctor). (I had been up and down on 1 mg for 15 years).
I want to send my love and sincere thoughts of gratitude to you for continuing these blog posts. Also, it was SO wonderful and helpful to talk to you in a live coaching session. One year later, I confirm that there has been no better resource for my recovery than everything you have to offer. Your personal experience with benzo withdrawal and your PsyD is truly a God Send. I have no doubt my journey would have been far worse without you.
The first approx 9 months of this withdrawal was brutal. It was real suffering. While my continued healing is still difficult, my symptoms are manageable . At just a year out, I can go about life with joy and continued hope. Following are my key tools (all of which you promote / advise:)
Dr. Leigh MANTRA when you need to stop looping thoughts , anxious thoughts, trying to sleep: “I am safe. I am healing. I will recover.”
DIET: Keep it clean, organic, uncomplicated. NO alcohol. NO sugars. I cannot take vitamins.
EXERCISE: moderately . Get outside for natural Vitamin D.
SELF COMFORT: My thing is long bathtub soaks. find yours.
Fellow Benzo suffers …. YOU WILL HEAL. ~ God Bless all
I go thru this right now.. The horror, indeed. Im 18 months out. The list you out together are the ones that i feel are the worst or sympthoms, but i want to add two things to make it conplete in my eyes. I developed “cfs/me” during this, prob not the real one but everytime i do something, walk to much, or even get up and walk a little those really bad days i get a fever/fever-feeling, flu-like, and feelings of a big infection going on.
And the akathisia.
This is torture for sure. But i wait for healing, and when that day comes i will be so proud of myself and feel like life can give me anything now, can i survive this, i can survive anything.
Thanks for all your posts! You are Great!
Being protracted, nearly 6 years now, with no windows, or any small short breaks, which are rare, I just descend into hell if I over do, but I can’t help it, I want to function, I used to be so independent and a multi tasker. So my main worry is that this is me, I’m too sensitive. Plus the ptsd feelings are so strong now, slight triggering causes adrenaline that creates a chain reaction you can’t stop. I’ve lost faith in myself and cannot believe I can find my way back. I’m naturally an analytical person, with not a great self esteem, so I blame myself. I’m writing from a heightened state of rage from triggering I try to avoid, so Im barely hanging on. I’d say triggering my fear is something I’m struggling with the most, and this can be so much. I just cry for my life. I’ve tried so hard.
I am sorry you are still suffering. I wonder if people like yourself, are stuck in a negative feedback loop from your limbic system, like people who have chemical sensitivites can have. Sort of like Pavlov’s dog salivating at the ring of a bell. There are ways to learn how break the cycle. Knowing that we are safe is the foundation. From there, our nervous system can trust that it can relax and stop overfiring. This link may be of help. https://retrainingthebrain.com/multiple-chemical-sensitivity/
It will get better. IT’s hard to label or classify some of the symptoms. DR is a tough one to describe so that it makes sense to everyone. Whatever causes the symptoms, know that it will get better, in time.
At 33 months out, the fear and terror are still the worst symptoms. And now I know why walking helps alleviate them a little. “Motion helps the body metabolize stress hormones.” I’m glad I learned the science behind it. Thanks
You are most welcome. 80% of the brains neurons are wired for movement. It’s important that we get up and move.
congratulations. You are always kind and helpful🥰
I am 3.5 months out now from 4mgs valium for 3-4 months 17 months trying to taper,
I am really struggling with the daily cycle of what seems to be panic of terror/fear from around 4-5am lasting all day.
It seems to never end and my hands and face and feet are so very numb all the time I keep trying to feed positives into my brain but feel so desperately ill and this benzo voice keeps telling me it’s something other than withdrawal and I am dying, I keep waiting for the day I wake and it’s gone, My original anxiety was a walk in the park next to all of this, My head so far away and ears hissing , some how I have to accept this is how it feels to heal . I am healing every day
At 3 months off clonazepam cold turkey, my three most frustrating and frightening symptoms are benzo belly (perpetually bloated, constricted abdomen), dysphagia (often feel like my throat is closing or like I’m choking on my own throat), and 24/7 difficulty breathing. Thus far my oxygen saturation has remained within normal range, and I’m waiting on further tests. But having read that benzos can damage the autonomic nervous system, I’m terrified that I’ve suffered permanent, possibly life-threatening damage. It’s torture, and I haven’t found any coping mechanism to help with these.
One of my worst symptoms is oversedation during my withdrawal .
In addition to feeling disequilibrium, I have blurred vision, extreme fatigue and feel like I’m coming out of anesthesia all day long . It’s a horrible feeling, not being awake and alert – zombie like to put it mildly. Any tips for dealing with withdrawal oversedation while the brain chemistry is struggling to find balance ? Thank you fir you’re blog. It’s a life saver .