Well, 2014 is starting off interestingly enough.
I was asleep before the New Year rang in here in California and expected to wake up and start the new year by cleaning my little place and heading over to my studio to paint. That was the plan at least. But life had a different plan. I woke up feeling as if I may be coming down with a cold. In a few hours, that turned into what feels like full-blown withdrawal minus the mental component.
Ok, I call Uncle! 🙂
This wave started the Friday before Christmas and has waxed and waned. I thought it was lifting. I have started juicing again and I have gone totally vegan, so maybe this is s result of cleansing my body? I always eat super healthy, but I have stepped it up a notch or two for sure. Who knows.
Oh well.
I will use the advice I give others: acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. I will be grateful I have a good life even if I am feeling horrible. I will use my anchor and sit in the garden and chat with people walking by. I’ll curl up on the couch when I need a break and I will visit anniesannuals.com and drool over flowers I want to buy to plant in the garden.
Page 417 of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition) has the key for my happiness and serenity today:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation —
Some fact of my life — unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
I am going to accept that for this moment, I am sick. And I trust that everything in God’s world is as it should be. I will focus on what I need to change in myself, and not what needs to change in the world.
I hope everyone has a good New Years day in spite of any withdrawal symptoms.
We are still alive. Still here to love and be loved. That’s a true gift for which I am grateful, even with my bones and muscles aching, burning and tingling.
All best,
Jenn
Thank you Jenn, I’m in the same place at the moment and do find it so hard to accept. My bones and muscles are playing up as well and the anxiety is intolerable. I’ve no idea what the trigger was apart from Christmas even though I had a quiet one.
May 2014 be a year of recovery for all of us here.
May I make the suggestion that from this day forward, if you are using oil based paints you change to either acrylics or water colors only? I visited Whole Foods a couple of weeks ago, and their open jars of bath salts were so noxiously affecting, I ended up leaving the store quickly and resting an ocular migraine soon after. To love is to prudently care–always! Jean
Sent from my iPad
Jenn – what you are feeling in this wave could absolutely be “detox” symptoms from your diet. So many foods cause detox and it is hard sometimes to tell what is happening to us. Detox doesn’t last too long, so hopefully if that is it, you should feel better sooner than a typical wave. Happy New Year Jenn…thanks always for your encouraging words!
Jenn, I know how you feel to a ciertain degree. I have so many set backs in my life, and it really can get depressing. I think we all need to learn acceptance to some of the things in our life.
I have spent most of my life just trying to be quote ” normal”.
I hope your year is bountiful!!
Dear Jenn
Sure could be w/d from changing your diet….I unknowingly did the same ….no more msg , no more wheat/gluten, no more sugar and soy . I am sure this has all had it’s affect in my sxs. Some of this stuff can take days to weeks to settle Down. Msg alone can take weeks. We have had these things in our diet for years and it just takes awhile for it all to work out. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Rest up. That’s what I am doing. What a road we are on…turns, pot holes, mud, snow, detours….to healing. Hugs and God bless.
Karen
Thank you Jenn for all your posts, good and bad. I am grateful for you and what you give to others. Stay strong, It will turn.
xo Kim
Jenn, thank you for your recent posts. I read them to my wife and she finds a lot of comfort in your words. Your outlining of how you feel and what you are doing to work through things is a big help for her.
Pardner
Hi, I’m writing this because I’m really in a deep pit, not knowing what to do, feeling worried about my future and the future of my family. This withdrawal is tormenting me to death, how can something like this be happening? I have never used drugs in my life for recreation, I don’t trust Drs. or anyone else anymore, no one seems to understand and doesn’t take me serious. Why is all of this happening and wont end? How did my become so addicted to klonopin, all I wanted was help for my stutter/ anxiety 10 years ago. Benzos has truly destroyed me!
Brian I know it seems endless, but wd does come to an end at some point. It really does. If you can hold on and stay in today, and don’t time travel forwards or backwards you may feel better. You can’t undo the past, and you don’t know the future. All you have is right now. This moment. You may feel destroyed but you aren’t. Not in the end, when you are healed. You will come out of this stronger. That’s what most people who have gotten to the other side report. I know I feel that way too on the days I feel more healed. Keep reaching out to people in wd and getting validated and getting hope. I know I felt totally hopeless many many many days.. months… years… But I am not hopeless now. One day, you will be full of hope again too. Give it time. Ok?
Thank you Jenn!!!!
Empathize with you so much. I just wanted to sleep and get rid of my restless leg syndrome.
Now this at ten days cold turkey, and sleep is a nightmare every thing is a night mare except this blog.
Virginia
Hi, I see that you went cold turkey! not a good thing at all! If possible try to use valium as it has a much longer half life and try to taper slowly. Hang in there!