When I started this blog I thought that a positive attitude was the key to more peace and less suffering. Of course, it helps, but it does not reduce the amount of suffering. I am now 11 weeks out, 3 weeks off the pheno I used to detox with, and trust me, the suffering is real.
The best advice I can give you is believe in your ability to endure, set good boundaries and be willing to dip into the emotions that show up. Put yourself first. Fight for the right to good mental, physical and emotional health. Those are your birthrights.
My journey is now taking me into my past abuse. Memories, fears, terror, and unspeakable shame wrap around me. I sit and shake and cry, allowing the feelings to pass through me. I am hopeful that the suppressed rage I have bubbles up and frees me from the other emotions.
I share my honest story in hopes that it helps you on your journey.
I am fighting for my life. It feels literal.
I will not be posting after this entry until I am more healed. I am putting my recovery first.
I wish you all the very best on your journeys.
Be kind and compassionate to yourselves. The drugs we took to calm our old fears was not kind and compassionate. It was as much of a perpetrator for me as the men who abused me.