The wave from hell is slowly lifting. The depression is mostly gone. What is left, when it drifts in and out is a muddy gray instead of that deep pitch black. I can distract when it does roll in.
I am back to my more “normal” (what in God’s name and all that is holy IS normal about benzo wd?) routine: rough mornings, a bit of a lift, more symptoms, then a decent lift in the mid to late afternoon. Around 8 p.m. the sx kick in full force. I can almost set my watch to it. It’s pretty nasty at night. The burning/tingling/crushing/pain/dizzy/head pressure/weak/crappy thoughts/etc., come over me like a blanket. The anxiety that comes with the symptoms is pretty intense. It’s not emotional anxiety, but rather its a body sensation. I have muscle spasms, twitching, and bad pain.
What seems to be worse or maybe simply different, is the head pressure. I am getting more back of the head pressure with burning. stinging, and pain. When it hits, I have a hard time thinking. It’s like everything goes offline. It doesn’t stick around all day, thankfully.
Over all I am better. This wave started in June. It’s been the worst one for sure.
During the afternoon when I feel fairly decent, I have a lot of hope that one day this will be behind me. Around 8 p.m. when it all rolls in again, the hope is harder to hold onto. But I do know I am better. And I will continue to get better.
I gardened today, which is something I couldn’t do much of the past few months. Too weak. Too messed up over all. I am grateful I was well enough to dig and get the soil ready for winter bloomers. I also helped a friend remove the tack strip that was under her carpet. She’s exposing the old hard wood floors. I was happy I had enough strength to hammer away at the crowbar. I was smart enough to only do a little bit. I’ve learned to not push myself. I’ll help her again tomorrow.
One thing I am learning is how to take better care of myself. I speak up now for myself and I set much better boundaries. I know I will have learned a lot when this is over. Too bad I had to learn it this way.
Anyone else have the experience of sx lifting during the day then coming back in a distinct routine?