I am posting this without talking to Don. I am sure he will jump in and give some feedback, perhaps edit it. I lifted his words from his latest post. I need to pray them every, many times over.
(Don’t words) Dear My Creator,
If I am going to survive this, you will have to do it all – every bit of it. I have nothing. Nothing. If I survive, I will never be able to say I exerted any part of my own self-will or power – not even the slightest amount.
(my words)
I surrender to the process of healing. I surrender to the process of going back out into the world and putting my life back together as you want the pieces to be placed.
I give you everything in my heart and soul, as I am powerless over this illness and recovery. I put my life into your hands and I ask that you create out of me and my life, something that is pleasing to you. I am wet clay, shivering, frightened, and weak, but I am here, showing up, saying, “I give you all of me. Shape me. Mold me into that which is pleasing to you.”
I am grateful for this amazing body that knows how to heal.
I am grateful for the love in my life.
I am grateful for my life.
I ask for nothing other than to have the courage to live your will for me.
Your daughter,
Jennifer
WOW!! Your prayer is so beautiful. It reminded me of the verse that says “We are the clay, and Thou art our potter. And all of us are the work of They hand.”
The act of surrendering is crucial to our healing. I appreciate your honesty and complete transparency. That is very rare in today’s world.
I printed off your prayer and will read it and think about it.
BEAUTIFUL!
Surrendering has been a struggle for me not only in its doing but even in understanding it. Years ago, they would always talk about surrendering at our small group in church. I didn’t know what surrendering meant. I had no clue how to do it. Since then, I have done it twice. In the summer of 2009, I asked the Creator to “help” me quit drinking. The result: I drank even more. At the end of the summer, I asked the Creator to “make” me quit drinking and to do whatever was necessary to make it come true. When I got up from my knees after that prayer, I was terrified. I knew the answer would be some sort of “mental breakdown.” A few weeks later, the anxiety, panic, and depression arrived – post-acute w/d from the booze and tolerance w/d from the K (even though I didn’t know that’s what it was). It stayed and was magnified to nearly unbearable proportions for another 2 years and did not disappear completely for a few more months after that. I said the “statement of fact” prayer that Jennifer started with in this post about 16 months after that first prayer of surrender.
I have thought about both of those prayers often since I have been well. I have concluded two things about them – about surrendering. First, in some way that is completely beyond human logical evaluation, those prayers were made by the Creator and given to me to say back to the Creator. Second, those prayers were spoken with a spirit of pure trust – a trust that even if they were not answered while I was on this earth, the Creator would eventually answer them. I would quit drinking. I may or may not survive booze/benzo w/d on this earth. It didn’t matter. The Creator would take care of me either way.
The Creator caused me to surrender in a perfect way – a way I don’t understand with my brain and never will. But something inside me understands it perfectly. It’s some kind of spiritual discernment and has nothing to do with mental understanding.
I still have no cerebral explanation, even in an approximate way, how it happened…but it did.
Exactly!! Ive been trying to say that to my Higher Power today after reading Dons supportive post. Still hard at times..thank you as it gives hope and I dont have to be in control so much any more.