A few Sunday’s ago I would have been able to write that I think WD is getting farther away in my rear view mirror. But of course my taste of a bit of normalcy was short lived. Some of my sx came back. And now, they are all back. Fuck.
I painted a canvas yesterday. A few hours into it, I began to tingle head to toe. My back muscles went into spasms. I got dizzy, weak… you know the drill. I ditched my Saturday night plans and crawled into bed. I prayed that when I woke the next day, it would be better.
I am 3 day’s shy of 28 months out, and horribly benzo sick today. *Sigh* I tingle all over. Like tiny bee stings. My buttocks feel as if they are being crushed inward, and burnt at the same time. So many of my bones hurt I don’t want to walk. When I am sitting still, it feels as if I am on a boat and very wobbly, as if I could tip over any second. I have patches of burning skin all over. My head is full of pressure and a tight band is around my forehead. My ears are full and stuffy. My vision is blurry, watery. When cars drive by it is as if they come in frames, not a fluid motion. My tongue tingles and burns. My eyes are dry, red and sore. My left chest wall aches, and feels if it it is being squeezed. My thigh muscles ache. My feet twitch. I am weak from just sitting up. I feel drained of all energy. I have nausea and a tight but bloated belly. Someone must have left a tea kettle on the back burner in my brain because my ears hissssssssss all the time. My toes feel as if they are being zapped with electricity. The bottoms of my feet burn and tingle. My upper back is tight and tingly and on fire, but yet I am freezing. The back of my head hurts yet is ice-cold. My brain feel fizzy.
I am so weary of this journey to recover my health.
On the day’s when most of these sx are gone, I am hopeful. When they return with a vengeance, hope is harder to hold onto.
So, that’s my update. Back in the thick of it. It feels as if I am as sick as I was a year ago. For all of the healing I have done, it only takes one bad wave to set me way, way, way back to where it feels as if none has taken place.
I keep swimming. What else is there to do?