Woke to the usual suspects… tingles, burning, pain, head pressure, weakness… yada, yada, yada…
I also woke to an extreme desire to garden. I had gone to Annies Annuals (anniesannuals.com) in Richmond yesterday and bought new plants to replace the spent spring/summer blooms. It was the big fall party at the nursery. All plants 25% off. Can’t pass up a sale!
After breakfast with one of my BFF (she lives next door) I rolled up my sleeves and tugged on my garden gloves. My neighbor who lives on the other side of the duplex helped me. I was in the garden most of the day. It was a lot of work. I decided to push through the benzo symptoms and focus on what needed to be done next. We pulled out a lot of old annuals, turned the soil, added compost, and I deadheaded flowers and cut back an unruly passion vine. It was heaven. The weather was fairly mild which helped. I had some moments of intense head pressure/dizzy, but didn’t give in to it. Just kept working.
It feels good to have the garden cleaned up and ready for fall. I planted quite a few perennials that will be gorgeous next spring. I usually only plant annuals, but it costs so much money. A few anchor perennials will save money. My neighbor loaned me three darling garden fairies made out of railroad steel. Or something like that. It is rusty and pretty. I am delighted to have garden fairies among the flowers!
The garden attracted strangers today as always. People stop and want to know the story of the garden. Or they ask about the prayer tree. Or they simply stop and read the chalkboard daily message. The garden is a magical place. Long after the sun went down two of my friends and I sat at the garden table and ate grapes and sipped coffee. An odd pairing, but it was delicious. We were embraced by the soft glow of the little lights hidden among the leaves of the passion vine. The waterfall gurgled peacefully and crickets serenaded us. The crickets are new. In the four years I’ve lived here, I’ve never heard one here. I am delighted that they have decided to set up housekeeping in the garden! I’m curled up on my couch now, with the window open for the cool night breeze and the sound of their chirping warms my heart.
I started the garden a few months after coming home from my cold turkey in the hospital. It has saved my life. Literally. I am so grateful I can live here and garden. I live only a few steps away from a main street in my town. There is everything I need, including a mom and pop produce store. It’s been a good place for me while healing from benzo withdrawal syndrome.
I’m still battling the body stuff. the mental is much improved, even better than it was before this wave hit. I know I am healing, it is just painfully slow.
This was probably my best day so far in withdrawal. It gives me hope that more will come and that one day. I will wake and not have my usual symptoms.
God only knows what tomorrow brings (literally) but I am hoping I have another tolerable day and can cope well with the symptoms.
I’ll be sitting out in the garden tomorrow, talking to the new plants in the ground. Welcoming them to my garden. Encouraging them to grow.
I’m encouraging you to hang on another day. The finish line is down the road. I’ll walk with you to it.