So many of my benzo withdrawal symptoms were torturous, but man, fear was one of the worst. I dreaded waking up to it every morning. I’d come into consciousness and feel somewhat normal for about thirty seconds or so, and then BAM! fear washed over me. (It was more like ice-cold terror, actually.) I felt it move through my body, cascading into every cell, every fiber of my being. It took well into the afternoon for it to recede to a more tolerable level. I hated it with a passion.
Of course, any doctor I spoke with about the fear told me I had an anxiety disorder and needed medication. (Eventually, I stopped talking to doctors, they were all so uneducated about benzos, but that’s a whole other story.) “Yes, I was put on Clonazepam for anxiety and panic,” I’d agree with them. “But my anxiety, even at its worst, NEVER felt like this,” I tried my best to explain. Not one doctor gave me any advice on how to cope with benzo withdrawal fear (or any other benzo withdrawal symptom, for that matter!)
Fear is a very common benzo withdrawal symptom. It often bubbles up in the morning and loosens its grip on us in the afternoon. It can pop up at any phase, tapering, off, or protracted, triggered by seemingly innocuous events or things. There was a time when I couldn’t pet my beloved cat, Sammy. I had no idea what I was frightened of, but I felt fear whenever I’d reach my hand out towards him. That’s the thing with fear in benzo withdrawal: it is frequently incredibly irrational. And we KNOW it’s irrational, but there is little we can do about it. It’s damn near impossible to talk your way out of benzo withdrawal fear. The best we can do is to dance with it.
That’s right, dance with it! We move with the fear. We don’t fight it or run away from it. When we fight it or try to flee from it, we keep our nervous system in what is called the protect state of fight, flight, or freeze (sympathetic and parasympathetic dorsal vagal responses). In other words, our threat detection system is geared up, at the ready to defend us. Making fear the enemy isn’t how to best cope with it. So we dance with it, allow it, even lean into it, knowing that as uncomfortable as the fear feels, it is, after all, simply an emotion, and we are safe.
We remind ourselves that fear is a typical benzo withdrawal symptom, and thankfully, not based on anything in the world that is a real threat. Even our scary symptoms are 99.99% of the time harmless. So we use all of our senses to be fully present in the moment and know that we are safe. We take slow, calming breaths, breathing in through our nose to a count of seven, pausing, and breathing out through pursed lips to the count of eleven. Breathing this way sends a signal to our threat detection circuitry that we are indeed safe. We also use gentle movement to help our body metabolize stress hormones: rocking side to side: easy walking, stretching, yoga, etc.
Other ways in which to cope with fear are singing, chanting, or humming. These three “vibrational” activities help strengthen the vagus nerve and, in turn, allow our nervous system to settle down a little bit. We can combine any of these with movement, such as gently rocking left to right.
We can also use visualization to cope with benzo withdrawal fear. I used to close my eyes and think of the happy years I lived in Colorado. I’d imagine myself standing out in the snow at the foot of Ajax mountain, smelling the cedars and woodsmoke, feeling the soft snowflakes touch my face. Using our imaginations to create safety in our minds helps encourage the nervous system to settle down and shift out of the protect state and into the connect state— a parasympathetic ventral vagal response.
That’s the key: inviting our nervous system to shift into the parasympathetic ventral vagal response called connect. In this state, we can connect with others, the world around us, and ourselves in kind, compassionate, healthy, and loving ways. In this state, our bodies are at their optimal best. The connect state is our default state; however, it is challenging to shift into it when our GABA receptors have been damaged from taking a benzodiazepine, even taken as prescribed. But we do our best to shift towards ventral vagal, learning more ways to invite ventral vagal energy into our lives.
Two other tools we may want to consider using to cope with fear are learning and distraction. Learning something new makes the brain create new neural connections and takes the spotlight off of our suffering. (Learning is also a form of distraction with added benefits of acquiring new knowledge or wisdom.) You can search YouTube and learn almost anything! I learned to knit, crochet, and draw during my roughest months of withdrawal. Distration is a great way to take our minds off of fear, thus turning down the volume on suffering. The way I distracted was with my gardening. It kept me focused on something other than what I was feeling. Sometimes the fear was so great that I could barely hold a trowel to dig; my hands shook so hard. But I kept going, breathing slowly and leaning into the fear as best as I could. I also distracted with painting, word puzzles, and watching short YouTube videos.
Fear in benzo withdrawal comes from the damage the drug has caused to our inhibitory (calming) system, namely, GABA receptors. No matter which coping mechanisms we use, one or all, our nervous system may not extinguish the fear right away. These are not means by which we immediately turn off fear, but instead, they are means by which we cope with fear and help our brain rewire itself in a more positive way. In time, as our nervous system heals from the damage the benzo caused, the fear will fade away on its own.
In a nutshell, the antidote for fear is safety. Safety, as Dr. Porges, the father of Polyvagal theory, reminds us, is the prescription for everything. When we “dance with fear,” reminding ourselves that we are indeed safe, that the fear is not based on a real threat, we invite our nervous system to shift out of the protect state and into the connect state, which is where our bodies are at their best.
Fear goes away, in time. As hard as it may be, acceptance and patience is key. You are safe. You are healing. You will recover.
What coping mechanisms do you use for coping with fear in benzo withdrawal? Please feel free to share in the comments below.
FEAR False Expectations Appearing Real
Hi Dr Jenn
Great post. When I get “hooked” on something negative or scary it can go on for a few hours or all day(s) if I let it. If it’s bad, distracting helps -doing anything creative. If it’s really bad I cry and talk it out to my husband.
Massage helps a lot too. It doesn’t even take that much. Just a soft rubbing of my shoulders or tummy. If my husband does this even for 5 minutes it’s extremely beneficial. The calming effect is immediate. I can feel the symptoms ease up. Adding some healthy breath work during this is even more effective.
I’m at 30 months now and I can feel more and more how stress and negativity has a direct effect on my symptoms. It seems like this is more evident as my symptoms fade away, or on days when I have almost no symptoms. It feels better to just keep it positive in every aspect of daily life. I mean EVERY aspect. Even saying (outloud or to myself) something judgey like for example : “Why does my husband make the bed that way?” (I don’t know. I’m just trying to think of a simple example. He makes the bed just fine, or I usually do it. Lol) Anyway, just any thought that seems petty or pointless or NEGATIVE seems like such a waste of energy anymore, and it doesn’t feel good. It makes me feel worse.
Maybe this is due to the fact that we get so tired of feeling like hell that we don’t want to spend not one moment more feeling awful. It’s more soothing to think positive thoughts… or look at nature or a bird outside or something. It feels better to do everything with peace in my heart, and talk in a calming peaceful voice to myself and to others in everything I do. Coming from a place of kindness to myself and others to the best of my ability always feels better and brings relief.
I know you found yourself coming to this point during your journey. When did that happen for you?
Dr.jenn thank you so much for your post on fear. I so look forward to all of your advice and help you give to all of us! You are a God send to me! I’m 63 days free from xanax after 16 years. I went through almost 2 years of tolerance and interdose withdrawal,but wasn’t aware that was my problem. I lost 37 lbs very quickly and I’m small like you. Drs diagnosed me with mono,lyme and had so many test done and given treatments that didn’t help.Not 1 dr.from the hospital,GPS, naturopath,holistic,chiropractor ever thought of xanax. So I diagnosed myself just like you and many others. The worse symptom I have is extreme anxiety and depression.i wake up normal then the thinking begins and fear sets in followed by chills,burning, electricity ect. I lay in bed praying 🙏. I suffer laying there and getting up. It does help when I walk in the house declaring Gods promises. I believe our words of healing are important. I have learned from you to breathe and accept. I think the fear keeps coming because it’s hard to believe this suffering is from a horrible pill that I probably never needed. I do know that my symptoms are much worse off the xanax so I believe it’s the culprit. I’m 62 and have lost 2 years of my life and just want to enjoy myself again. I still can’t gain weight. I’d appreciate any advice or encouragement please. GOD BLESS YOU!
Dr Jenn. It is so wonderful to see that you are still helping people through probably the hardest times of their lives getting through benzodiazepine withdrawal. You were my strongest ally when I was going through my withdrawal from 2016 through up to last year. I frequent your site occasionally but after 5 1/2 years consider myself about 90 percent healed. I just wanted to thank you for getting me through the hardest time in my life and thank you for the service to humanity that you have been and continue to be. You are an amazing angel😇
I can’t thank you enough for this article, Jennifer. I so needed to read it. I’m in a terrible wave after being Benzo free for 22 months. I suspect this wave was triggered by my Covid booster and a steroid injection given within 2 weeks of each other. I guess it doesn’t really matter what triggered it, but I try so hard to figure it out so it may not happen again! I’m tired of trying to figure it out and just go with it. Your article on fear was so helpful. Fear is my greatest challenge. My husband read it as well. It helped him understand better what I’m going through.
Thank you so much, Sandy
Dear Dr. Jenn – So good. .. so good. I was prescribed Clonazepam for trouble with sleep. My worst symptom has been sleep deprivation. 30 [slow] months later, I am healing and finally experiencing rest again. This healing could not have happened without your generous blog and telephone consults.
It is difficult to imagine one having to spend so much time in such horrific fear. Earlier in withdrawal journey I would experience brief moments of terror / adrenaline surges at night. Grateful to be past that. Grateful for you, Dr. Jenn. You are so right – We DO recover.
Susan, I am so happy to hear that you are able to rest now. Healing can take some time, but we do recover. Thank you for your kind words.
Sandy, I am sorry to hear that you are in a setback. They do happen for some people. The steroid may have played a role. That’s the accumulative wisdom of the benzo community from past experiences.
Do all you can to take good care of yourself. As with all uncomfortable things, “this too, shall pass.” Sending my love to you.
Kathy, thank you so much for stopping and letting us know that you are mostly healed. That is wonderful news! Thank you, too, for your very kind words. I appreciate them more than you know. Keep healing my friend. It will continue to get better and better! Love you!
Lulu, I am sorry to hear that you are suffering. So many of us do, from taking a benzo as prescribed. But we DO heal, so please keep going. It will get better! I am glad that blog has been helpful. I know I needed a lot of support when I went through benzo withdrawal. I am happy to help others. Keep healing!
Shelly, I am glad to hear that you are getting better. Glad, too, that you recognize how stress had a negative impact on your nervous system (your life!). I don’t remember where I was in my healing journey when I realized that I had to live my life from a place of peace and acceptance. I just now finished a blog post that will publish Sunday, Nov.14, entitled The Powerful Question That Helps Us Heal. It’s right along this line of thinking!
Keep healing! Sending you my love.
Indeed!
Thank you for this and all your guidance. I am beginning my 4th year of protracted withdrawal, after being on benzos for only 9 months due to the side effects of prednisone and now off for 39 months. My mornings are still a struggle as I wake up between 5:30-6:30 am in a panic. This post really speaks to me as my morning struggles continue and sometimes it is hard to find the strength to face another day. I chant, “I am safe, I am healing, I will recover” but this morning, your affirmation was especially timely. Thank you again.
This is truly incredible to read. I was using Phenibut, which is a gaba b agonist very similar to benzos, 2 years ago and abruptly stopped, sending me into psychosis and was hospitalized for two weeks. Ever since getting on this journey I experience morning depression . I wake up and within 5 seconds I descend into a state of terror and depression. It does not last all day but its extremely difficult and I spend the morning affirming myself that this won’t last. I’ve never seen anyone else mention this. I’ve described it to doctors and they have not correlated the two. This was really incredible to hear.
Thanks for another wonderful post. I’m 20 months out feeling like myself little by little. I definitely notice improvement when it comes to fear of symptoms. My sleep has improved and I can relax more since my nerves are healing and more calm now. I’m able to naturally take small naps again here and there. I’m hoping in
another year I’ll be fully heal but until
than distract and allow time to pass.
I am so happy to hear that you are getting better! Keep going. It will continue to improve. Thanks for stopping by and giving hope to others here. We really do heal.
Brian, morning fear is very common with GABA damage. Thankfully, it goes away, in time. I’ve worked with others who were using Phenibut and they had the same morning fear as you do. They healed. You will, too. Keep going.
Holly, I am so sorry to hear you are still suffering. It’s hard to imagine that taking a tiny pill for a short time can create such a long recovery process, but for some of us, that is the truth. I know you will heal, in time. Embrace the four cornerstones of well-being, eat right, move enough, stress less, and love well. These are the foundation for health and healing. I hope your mornings are more peaceful very soon.