There have been a few times on this trip that I’ve muttered under my breath, “What the hell was I thinking?” The driving was too hard. My neck and back hurt. I got lost. I was devastatingly lonely. Whatever the reason, I had to battle feeling sorry for myself, or trapped. On more than one occasion, I saw how this trip was like navigating through benzo withdrawal. The only way out is through. No matter how rough some of the hours have been on the road, I’ve kept moving forward. That’s what I did in benzo withdrawal, and that’s what I am doing now.
I’ve had to decide to push through the hard times and to keep my eye on the prize: our family farm in Georgia. I’ve also had to decide to not fall into feeling like a victim or to feel sorry for myself. It’s taken some strong self-talk, but I’ve accomplished it! I have become a master at positive self-talk from having to negotiate my way through benzo withdrawal. (You’ll find that once you are out of withdrawal, the skills you’ve learned to keep your head above water will serve you well!)
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned this past week (and during the last 59 years):
Breathe. Breathe in to the count of seven. Breathe out to the count of eleven. You’ll feel better after a few calming/cleansing breaths.
Move. If you are feeling “stinky energy” of any type, get up and move! Take a walk. Dance. Whatever. Just move. I’ve used a few rest stops along the way to get out and move some unwanted energy through my body. I’ve also turned up the radio and rocked out. It all helps.
Wait. If you don’t like the weather, your feelings, your thoughts, etc., wait. It will change. Nothing lasts forever, so be patient. Know that something else will take the place of what you don’t like at the moment.
It’s okay to go slow. I’ve never been a fan of fast. I’m the car in the slow lane that everyone goes around. So be it. I”ve learned to drive at the pace I am most comfortable with. I don’t worry what other drivers think. I’m not being unsafe, so who cares if I’m a few miles per hour under the limit? This is a good lesson for life as well. Go at your own pace. Don’t worry what others think. Let them go around you if they need to.
You can do a lot more than you give yourself credit for. I’m amazed at how much I can do when I put my mind to it. Believe in yourself and take baby steps towards what you want. Remember that a great life is built upon answering these two questions: What is true for me? What do I really want? The more you heal from benzo withdrawal, the more you’ll be able to live your way into the answers.
Life is really amazing! Every sunrise and every sunset is a gift. Make sure you open the gift every day. I mean really open it up! Live as deeply and as fully as you can. Love with your whole heart. Let go of the past. Forgive. Move on. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. As I watched the landscape change across this beautiful nation of ours, I felt so much gratitude to be here on the planet.
Patience is a virtue. Every time I want to hurry up or to force things to happen, life gets dicey. But when I relax and allow things to unfold, and I “don’t push the river,” things turn out nicely. I’ve had to be patient mile after mile this past week. When I stop trying to force the trip to go a certain way and I let it unfold, good things happen. Same in life. Let go. Be patient. See what happens. Don’t force things.
Remember that someone grew and harvested your food and someone drove it the market. Someone helped make the products you use and someone hauled them to the store. Give thanks to the people who make your life easier for you. It’s easy to forget them. (I’ve gained a great deal of respect for the men and women who earn a living driving big rigs. I’ve seen some of the most courteous driving habits from truckers).
There’s more to share, but I am exhausted. I’ve got a half a day’s drive tomorrow and thunderstorms are predicted. I’ll get a good night’s sleep and see what’s what in the morning. Thank you all for your prayers and for the good wishes that fill my inbox every day! I carry you all with me in my pocket. Know that one day, you’ll be able to make your dreams come true, too. Benzo withdrawal is just one pinpoint on your journey. It isn’t the end of the road. Not a chance!! There is so much more ahead. You’ll see! Keep healing.
Thank you everyone for such amazing support. I live in the UK,( but have lived in the states), so I love America/ns. I’m a month out from my last dose of benzos… and just hit an axiety wall. All the posts are so encouraging. Thank you everyone. Praying for you jen. Love nicki x
It’s 7 months out for me ! Seems like a long time and I am still dealing with fallout. Just as I feel like I’ve made it at last and feel so ‘normal’ the fear, the anxiety hits again. It is such a horrible process but one that can be conquered – eventually, even though I’m not there yet I feel like I am at last over the mountain heading for home.
The damage done to loved ones as well as myself breaks my heart but I’m hoping that we will all get through together and my family isn’t shattered.
If only I knew what the outcome would have been I would never have taken these drugs in the first place. Apparently I had a paradoxical reaction that kicked in at some stage, that was the worst, especially not knowing what on earth was happening.
Well I survived the cancer and treatment, how can I let anything beat me now.
Thanks to everyone that shares on this site and all the information and encouragement found here. You are not alone.
Jennifer, I appreciate reading about your travels both across the country & through benzo healing. Figuratively, I find myself in a heavy storm, this morning. I’m using everything I have to keep my eyes on the road. It seems that the path is narrow & dimly lit. The winds are howling around me. I’m grateful to be reminded that there is light up ahead. Sending you much love 🌼
Nicki, my sweet thoughts are with you. We can do this ~ 💜
Jennifer,Thanks for sharing your inspirational thoughts and God`s speed on your trip ! And sending out healing Huggs to all !
Excellent post Jennifer! I write helpful phrases on index/flash cards for myself to maneuver through my symptoms. I’m gonna add Breathe, Move, and Wait on a new card. Thank you always for your authentic insight and your ability to articulate this phenomenon so well as to assist us. Blessings on your continued journey and blessings to all out there too.
Hi Jenn, What can I say another enjoyable post. Life in the fast lane is not so good as you miss everything around you. I like the breathing exercise and have been practicing, it’s a good tool for my kit thank you. I do hope you have made the farm by now and that you are with your loved ones. What an exciting journey it has been for you, and how kind it is of you to keep posting and letting us know how you are progressing. You are my inspiration on this journey, and I will keep going until I am past the finish line. I still find it difficult as you know to forgive and accept, but I am trying to work on it. Look forward to your next post.
You help me more than you will ever know!
Love across the Pond
Jackie
Edinburgh
love and hugs to all x
Lovely, lovely, lovely! So happy for you Jenn! I drink in every word you say, as it makes me feel so hopeful. Thank you for taking the time spread your love. Safe travels. xoxo
Jennifer thank you for your sharing rays of HOPE – light for all to see. I smiled big with the vision of you cruzin’ the 40 music cranked up – Rockin’… love it. And yes you ROCK girl, my angel of light !
With Love & Gratitude, Jerry
…and so I found my way here, after being on Clonazepam for 13 years and having my doctor convince me to come off them in under a month, I made a 75% cut and was feeling guilty that I would have to go back and tell her I was “unsuccessful”. Instead, today I will print out the Ashton manual and take it to her. I have updosed by 10% and managed to sleep for 6 beautiful hours last night. I will force my shaky legs out the door for a walk in the sunshine and I know that one day, when I am through this with God’s help, I’ll help others deal with the damage. For now, thank you for being here for all of us who still suffer. Glo
You are most welcome. Glad you will slow down your tapering. Go slow. It’s better your brain and body.