As my brain and CNS repairs itself, I find being benzo free such a sweet, sweet state to live in!
I can honestly say that my life now is the best it has ever been. I know who I am. I know that I can withstand the slings and arrows of life without medicating the pain, sorrow, anxiety, fear or anger away. I can cope with life on life’s terms.
I also know that my old calling to serve God, the call that got obliterated by benzos and booze, is alive and well and cannot be ignored. My professional life is shaping up to use my doctorate in psychology, social neuroscience, the Twelve Steps of recovery and my Christian faith as I help those in need of hope and healing.
God allowed me to suffer through benzo withdrawal because the process polished me. It stripped away my old ego that was preoccupied with myself, my fears, my resentments, my desire for material wealth and prestige. In its place he gave me humility, gratitude and a desire to be of service and obedient.
I have brought back Soulreminders.com. I am well enough now, to keep the site going every day. I am also coaching and offering spiritual direction to those who are in need of hope and healing. I’ve created a prayer group too.
I am simply showing up everyday and asking God to take me where he wants me to go, to introduce me to who he wants me to meet, to tell me what to say and to help me get out of his way. It’s a good way to start every day.
I’d like to share this Gaither Band song with you. I listen to it as a reminder that I am free! Free from a pill that damaged my brain and body. I am free from my old fearful ego and my need to numb my pain with a pill or a drink. I am free to face life whole and strong in the knowledge that I am serving my God to the best of my ability. I can’t find the words to tell you how good that feels!
If you are still suffering in benzo withdrawal, please know that it does come to an end. I still have a ways to go until all of my body symptoms are gone, but I know I make progress everyday. I am grateful for the journey benzo withdrawal took me on. It was definitely hard, but it turned me into the person I always wanted to be, the person I was on my way to becoming before the benzo and the booze cut that journey short.
I share my faith because it feels like the right thing to do. Please know that whatever your faith is, I honor you and your path to the God you love.
I don’t know how I would have survived withdrawal without my garden and my God.
I hope you enjoy the song. I play it whenever I feel lost or lonely, or when I need to just revel in the goodness that God has given to me. Freedom! What a joyful state to be in!