Dreams. They were the ONE place I could get away from benzo withdrawal syndrome. I was me…unfettered. Happy. Traveling to the places I so dearly love and miss. I could mingle with people, toss back my head and laugh. I could dance in hot, overcrowded clubs, house music blaring through my bones. I could fall in love, embrace, kiss… I could sit and watch a snowstorm and feel the crisp line of cold hit my face.
In dreams, I had my life back. As much as I often dread the night as it means I have to soon wake up and do groundhog day over again, I relished the nights I could cobble enough hours of sleep together for me to dream. But benzo withdrawal invaded my dreams. Now, there is no area of my life for me to escape. Benzo withdrawal gravity pulls me in and has no desire to let me go. Not yet, at least.
I dreamed that I had tingles and burning. I wasn’t the “real” Jennifer, I was benzo sick Jennifer. I woke up so sad.
It’s another couch day for me. I walked to Starbucks for my morning decaf latte and it was a challenge. The head pressure is intense, as is the body pain and wooziness. I am going to do some gardening when I feel better after lunch, and I’ll do my daily drawing or painting. I am determined to learn to draw. I think it helps my brain too.
Another day of walking in faith that I one day wake up well. And that I can go to bed and dream dreams without benzo withdrawal in them.
Hope everyone is holding on. Feel free to write a comment and let us know how you are doing.
Sending you all my love.