I’m stuck in the story I tell myself: I’ll never heal, I’ll need medication all of my life, I have a broken CNS, I can’t do too much because it stresses me out, I need to avoid people, etc. etc. etc.
It’s all just a story. I can make up a new story: I am fine just the way I am. I am healing. I have an opportunity to get to know the real me, see what I am made of.
I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself and so whiny and needy. Poor Don, Matt, Pam, Colleen and Bliss…they’ve answered emails and calls from me, frantic for reassurance that this wave will end, and that this is not who I will be forever. I’m keeping the drama going because I am buying into the (very) limiting story I have created in my mind.
My mind. Wow, what a piece of shit it has been lately. It is not my friend, that is for sure.
I am doing my best to ignore it and to keep doing the next right thing, no matter how shaky my legs, or how tight my chest, or how bad the electric buzz of anxiety feels in my body.
I decided today to get back on my feet and fight again. I’m lacing up my gloves, withdrawal. Watch out! I’m tired of being your bitch. 🙂