One of the things I like about 12 step recovery fellowships is the slogan, Easy Does It. Now that I am able to sustain more energy rebuilding my life, I need to remember those three simple words.
My nature is to plow ahead. I’ve always been an overachiever and somewhat impulsive. But my CNS is still not totally healed. I run the risk of amping up the tingles, burning skin, tinnitus, bone pain, etc. etc. etc. if I don’t take things a bit slow.
That’s hard for me, to be honest. I want to jump back into life and make up for the years “lost” in withdrawal. Every day I have to remind myself to take baby steps. (This will make C is Sweden happy to hear.) I try to accomplish just ONE thing, every day. Not two, or twelve. Just one. That’s enough. If I keep slowly building the things I need to do to be back in the world, big things will happen.
Baby steps are good because one of the symptoms that still remains is that joy and/or happiness can quickly turn into anxiety. Not mental worry, but body anxiety. Like I shoved my finger into an electrical outlet. It’s the damndest thing. And very uncomfortable. I got a haircut today, and I loved it sooooo much that the joy flipped over into too much energy. The drive home from Palo Alto felt like I was tied to a rocket ship about 2 seconds after lift off. I’m sure the drivers on 101 next to me wondered what the old lady with Jennifer Lawrence hair (a shorter version) was doing singing and writhing her arms around to the music. Just getting the creepy energy out guys.
I’m happy to let you all know that I am putting the finishing touches on my new book, Stop. Open. Turn. Three Simple Listening Skills To Nurture And Grow Love In Recovery.
My new company, Ways To Thrive, Inc. is also being formed. The new website will be up
soon.. one day. (Baby steps, Jennifer. Baby steps.)
If you are able to get out and do more, remember to take things easy. GIve yourself lots of time to rebuild your life. It will happen. One small accomplishment at a time.
For the record, the years I spent in withdrawal were not lost. I learned so much about myself. But most of all, I learned how to deflate my ego, to let go, and to let God. I no longer have to run the show, trying to organize people, places and things, to make me happy. I am happy with life on life’s terms.
The coolest thing about my withdrawal? I didn’t have to drink over it. Not one sip. I used to have a drink over chipped nail polish. 🙂 God is truly doing for me, what I could not do for myself. I look back on that one set of footprints in the sand and think, “Yeah, the Big Guy was carrying me after all.”
Keep holding on. That’s all you have to do. Just hold on. Your brain is healing as you read these words right here.
I love you all more than you know. You are my family now.