Happy Mother’s day.
I hope everyone is taking good care of themselves today.
This is my 3rd mothers day I celebrate being sick. It is getting old.
I am having better days, but they don’t last. Windows and waves keep cycling in and out. Yesterday I couldn’t walk a city block. Too much head pressure, pain, tingles, weakness, short of breath…
However, I am pushing forward. My new company is up and running and I am excited to be of value and service again. I am taking it slow, (I can’t really do much else) and staying in the present moment.
I still can’t believe I have been sick this long, all from a little green pill that doctors are allowed to prescribe. I still can’t believe that doctors are not being educated about these medications. I can’t tell you how many people I share my story with who then tell me they are on Klonopin, or Xanax, or Ativan, or Valium. They tell me about their stomach problems, bladder problems, uterine issues, fatigue, fear, increased anxiety, panic, vision problems, heart problems…. problems that doctors can’t pin point why they have. But we know. It’s the drugs. It’s tolerance withdrawal.
I battled strange illnesses that I now know were all caused by Klonopin. (I had a hysterectomy to stop my uterine bleeding caused by Klonopin.) I look back on so many opportunities lost because I trusted my doctor who told me my panic attacks were caused by a “bad brain,” and that I needed Klonopin like a diabetic needed insulin. How many of us were told that story? Too many.
My four children are coming over to BBQ today. I will drag myself off the couch, and enjoy the day as much as I can. I sure pray that next year I am healthy. No more burning skin. No more tingling. No more bone, joint, muscle pain. No more head pressure. No more dizziness. No more weakness. No more strange thoughts. No more jelly legs. No more twitching. No more memory loss. No more sleep issues. No more burning tongue. No more jaw pain. No more….
I’ve had enough. I am looking forward to good health returning. I have had tastes of it, so I know its headed my way. I am just getting terribly impatient. I am tired of being benzo sick. I want so much to resume my life, right where it went off the rails.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Take care of yourselves, please.